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Should you invade a tween’s privacy: Yes or No?

tween's privacy

It is beautiful to watch your kids bloom from kids to strapping tweens, becoming more independent and self confident. They develop emotionally as well as physically at this point of their lives. This age creates the need for privacy and space. They sometimes have difficulty in sensing the difference between the right and the wrong. They are quick to judge people and even quicker to change their judgment as well. Their opinions, feelings, moods change wildly at the drop of the hat.

It is quite disturbing to the parents to see that their kid is oscillating between the two extremes. Parental guidance in these years is quite necessary even when your kids might hate you doing it. Here are a few suggestions to help you assess the issue of your tween’s privacy.

1. Cyber life and communication

Most of the kids today know the tremendous use of computers and the importance of being online. Their hunger for being social, trendy, and popular is satisfied being online, networking and to be on forums and other sites. They are not fully aware of the dangers that lurk in the cyber world. The need for communication and to be in control of this is also quite high among the tweens. They do not like to be restricted when it comes to expression even when they spend hours on phone, talking, and sending text messages.

Yes: Be involved in your tween’s communication. Offer them strategies of how to deal a bully online. Avoid over-reacting if your tween does something wrong such as forwarding an adult joke, gossipy email or posts an inappropriate image or picture, but limit the number of hours that they spend online. Please pick your battles wisely by monitoring what they read and see online by setting the deadlines on the number of minutes they spend socializing on phone. It is better to be aware of your kids friends and other contacts, without snooping at all.

No: Help your tween to become a responsible adult. He/she needs his privacy and space and values them. Unless you sense trouble or warning signs, it is better to keep away from his private things such as email communication, forum posts etc. since he needs the same type of respect that you show to any other adult. It is not a good option to snoop or listen to his conversation. If you do that your kid might stop trusting you once he/she finds that you are snooping on him/her.

2. Tween’s room

If the kid has a room of his own, it becomes his sole territory to enjoy himself or sulk, since he has the freedom to do things as he desires. Along with privacy, also comes the need of responsibility that tweens fail to understand. Getting a room of their own is an added privilege for a child with adequate guidelines and boundaries. Parents feel that if tweens are given full rights for privacy, then parents will not be aware of what is going on in their child’s life. They take to snooping their kid’s room to ensure the kid is doing fine.

Yes: Parents can unearth the problems that your tween is facing by going through his room and by checking his belongings. Parents should do whatever it takes to provide security and mold the child to be a responsible and caring citizen/adult. Parent and the child will face the consequences if something goes wrong. Hence, it is always better to keep the kid’s activities and behavior under check.

No: When a parent respects the privacy of the child, he/she will earn trust and respect from the child in return. Everybody has the need and respect for privacy and scrutinizing your kid’s room is a perfect invasion of his/her privacy.That is why, you ( parents) should have open talks with your child so that the tween understands that your are there to help him/her in case of any trouble. It is essential for the parents to listen to their child’s views and respect his/her perceptions before they decide to barge into the kid’s room. The kids have the right to have their own uninterrupted time like others.

3. Decision making

Tweens enjoy their freedom by taking independent decisions. However, they are known to take impulsive decisions and take time to understand the after effects of a decision. They do not always weigh the pros and cons involved when taking a decision.

Yes: Parents play an important role in taking decisions regarding their kids for their welfare and safety. Whether making a career choice or determining the ball dress, parents can help their child with their own inputs since most of the choices that kids make are affected by the model behavior of parents. Hence, it is necessary to guide them through their decisions.

No: Tweens need a sense of freedom and that too, lots of it, for making independent decisions. They want to be trusted by their parents. By granting a tween his freedom to make decision on his own, his parents allow him to build up a lot of self esteem and confidence. If the parents involve themselves in every decision a child makes, the child feels incapable of taking his own decisions. This may actually build up aggression from within and makes him more rebellious than ever before.

As your children grow through adolescence, they deserve the right to create their own world. You can instill trust and have confidence in them in their early childhood itself so that both- you and your children- can continue to have open communication with each other. Please gain their trust and respect them so that they can never get a need to keep their ‘secrets’ from you. Please guide them gently and help them so that they do not feel controlled or monitored.

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