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Understanding psychology of your kids to help them deal with loss

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It is often difficult to make your kids understand when it comes to the death of someone. Parents have two options. They can either lie or tell the truth to their kids. Lying to your kids does not serve the purpose, as they will get to know the realty eventually. It is however, important that you sit with them and talk over things. Here are a few tips:

Consider the age

You must consider the age of your child when you tell them about death. You may give some real life examples. You can also use the incidence of your dog’s death and tell them that even human being die the same way. Tell them why people die and that death is inevitable.

Understand problems of discussing death

You may find your kids asking you questions that may trouble you even more. Do not try to hide your tears, as kids must get to know that a loss makes you feel bad. Tell them the reason why you are crying. If you are not able to control your feelings and find it hard to explain it to the kids, ask for help. You may ask another family member to do that for you. Make your kids understand that people die when they are old. They may ask when will they die which means they need more explanations.

Right time to tell them

when you get to know about the incidence yourself and find out that a loved one has passed away; talk to your kids. It is important that you explain it yourself as when they get to know about it from someone else they may get confused. When you have more than one kid tell them when they are all together and be ready to answer all the questions.

What to tell them

It may be a difficult situation for you but you must face it finally. You must not beat around the bush and come right to the point. Tell them what has happened and make them understand. Do not confuse your kids by using words that may be difficult for them to understand. Using word “death” would be better than any other word. You can also try practicing it with an adult so that you can be all prepared to answer their questions.

Explaining death in a child’s terms

You cannot expect preschool kids to understand it as they see death as an avoidable thing. They feel that people who die disappear only for a few days and can be alive again as they watch in cartoon movies. Kid between age three to five can understand when you tell them about death. They have an idea that no one can escape it. Although they do not relate with it and think, they can avoid it easily. When they attain the age of nine they understand death and know that all have to die eventfully. Parents must tell their kids that when someone dies he/she cannot be around you and never comes back again.

Help them express their emotions

Make them aware that the person who has died will never come back. They must keep them in their memories and accept the truth. Give them an opportunity to express their true feelings, as they may feel relieved. If they do not get a chance to say their final goodbye, they may find it hard to accept the realty. It may be difficult for them to create or sustain strong relationships.

You must share your true feelings with your kids and prepare them to face the harsh realities of life. It may be a difficult situation for you but avoiding it may be problematic for them to accept the truth.

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