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End the endless ‘mom war’

Each child is special to her mother, a cherished possession. It is not surprising to find a mother boast of her child’s ability. But when brag becomes uncontrolled, it gets converted into a competitive behavior. You may be averted to useless show off, being quite aware of your child’s abilities. But the troubling attitude of some mothers may compel to drive you in the war of words. And then begins the endless annoying sessions!

It would not be always prudent to keep yourself aloof and separated under such situations. Many of the ‘mom wars’ occur between women who had been friends forever. The ‘mom wars’ may give an unpleasant dimension to your friendship. It would be worth finding some ways to deal with such situations.

Distract

Deviate from the subject causing mom war. This is a tested tool and usually works well. You can switch to some other more interesting subject (one which does not relates to kids). Ensure that you engage in talking, but refrain from talking about kids — yours or someone else’s. This will maintain your talks without the concealed arguments (which soon emerge as mom war).

Talk about your own self (or may be your husband or anyone) instead of the kids. Do not grade yourself based on your child’s achievements. You are an individual entity. Your child certainly reflects you but is certainly not the ultimate parameter to judge your skills.

Focus

Though it may seem compelling, do not enter the war of words. Keep yourself focused on your priorities. Online remarks and posts may be quite disturbing and hurting. But keep your calm and engage in some productive work. The thought that you are not wasting time bragging around would keep you in a focused state.

Surrounding

Check your surroundings. Having many war moms around would inadvertently engage you in contributing your share for the worse. As far as possible, keep yourself away from indulging in. You may have your exclusive gang, but avoid creating space for any apparent ‘war mom’ in your gang.

Listening and reacting

It may seem difficult; but if you can simply ignore all the talking, you would be in less trouble. It may sometimes give a blow to your self-esteem.

By not reacting, you create better chances of not encountering war of words in future. It may appear as a cold response. But let it be! It is not always essential to show off what you possess. Neither it is important to react instantly with an appropriate gesture. You are your own judge beyond everyone else.

Be confident

Humans are born to err. Refrain from laying impossible standards for yourself. You may have your own parenting skills which are quite different from others. Be open to suggestions but follow only those which you think should be beneficial. Do not do anything just to please someone else or have your say. Be confident of your parenting skills and reward yourself for your accomplishments.

Expect the unexpected

You may encounter unpredicted things when dealing with competitive mothers. Be prepared to face the uncertain. If you feel you can’t beat them, it is better to join them. You may remove the source of discrepancy or competition by agreeing to the other woman’s words. This would eliminate the possibility of mom war.

You may find that there are others facing a similar situation. Discuss with them. Let the other woman realize that unhealthy competition needs to be discouraged. Do not be a party to it, directly or indirectly.

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