Your child might still be a toddler for you who jumped at the first sight of his favorite teddy bear, but with age, there are many changes which that child undergoes. As soon as a child hits the teen era of his life, he is over burdened with tremendous pressure. The desire to match up to their friends, puberty, studies etc. While these problems might be very normal for you, you do have to remember what you went through when you were teenagers too. As time progresses, these problems will eventually fade away, but it will be very beneficial for you kid if you are understanding during then.
Children these days are highly exposed to films and TV and often idolize they people they see there. They try to ‘fit in’ and be a part of various social groups and classes and often make friends with people who rank high in fortune, accomplishments and social status. The inability of a child to be a part of them, reason being whatsoever, can affect your child’s self esteem, grades and communication skills.
Nowadays these pressures start even when the child is in his first grade. Friends are formed and affinity happens more on the basis of personality, ability and appeal. Sadly with the advent of puberty, teens often find it hard to express everything with their parents. It is then that a social groups becomes their primary family with parents taking a back seat. And often to not let go of that ‘family’ teens adopt a variety of styles, opinions and ideologies. While some try to mix in other as a counter mechanism stand out of the crowd to be labelled as “originals” or “social misfits”.
Why do you need to worry?
As long as children make friends according to their own likes and dislikes it is good, but the quest to become popular can often become ugly. In order to be a ‘part of the group’, children often resort to dangerous behavior. Many children even try to manipulate situations and words just in order the attention of anyone from the opposite sex.
As children themselves don’t share their issues with adults it might be difficult for them to navigate what their child is going through while he gets affected by the tremendous pressure to be popular. Common examples are generally telling lies,being intentionally rude which children these days do regularly to be accepted.
One of the worst scenarios arrive when children reach the verge of a breakdown just to get ‘in’ the crowd. many children even go to the extent of ruining their GPA’s because they don’t want to be considered too smart. To be a part of the group, they’ll go against everyone, teachers, parents elders everyone.
A study found evidence to show that young people often attribute risky behavior with popularity. They often think that all their ‘poular’ friends engage in activities like taking liquor, smoking pot or cigarettes, gambling etc activities in which they don’t. Sadly as these things are easily available as well, they easily reach their hands. The rest of the children what these ‘popular’ kids too which further leads to the perpetuation of these activities.
What can be done?
However big the problem is, he is your child after all. So even if the problem is of drinking, sexual activity, smoking or anything, it is you who can help your child develop a strong frame of mind to combat this problem. tell you child you are there to support him. He needs to know that even if he is under tremendous pressure from every side, he has his parents who are there to stand by him.
Communicate well with your child. There might be things he will say that might appal you. Do not fret or scold him for that, it will make things worse as he will never approach you in a problem again. Give him advice that will help him make clear and safe choices. Tell him incidents you faced in your teenage time. Find out what he feels is important according to him. You need to find out what is the ultimate goal for which he wants to be accepted socially, be it getting asked out for a prom night, making it to the cheer-leading squad or being the football team captain. Once you know what your child wants you can even help him get there. If your daughter wants to change her look according to her senior year, won’t it be much better if you help her instead of her friends. Moreover in order to please your child just don’t give in to whatever he is saying. There might be choices which are totally unacceptable. be honest to him about the consequences of some activities and help him overcome them.
Involve him in other activities
Children who crave to be popular also need a very strong support system. Children need to easily express themselves and give their opinions about their peers. This way you can also help your child to build his self esteem as he will realize how well he stands among his friends.
Another way to help your child id to let him know that if he does not have it in him to be a part of the ‘group’, he can stick to his own qualities and be a ‘founding father’ of his on group. There might be many like him but none who had the courage to take the initiative. Your child will also learn some great leadership qualities and will become a leader instead of a follower all his life.
If you, your extended family and other friends are also supportive and understanding, the child’s self esteem will also boost and also will he be more resistant to peer pressure. Moreover constant comparisons with his friends or older sibling may even backfire as he may adopt their bad qualities as well as good ones.
Another way is to encourage your child indulge in some hobbies, play sports or get some other creative outlets in which he ‘s interested. This way he’ll meet children who share similar interests. Sometimes talking to a like-minded friend can help your child deal through many pressures.
Most importantly, just keep in mind what you went through in your childhood days and help your child with the same love and compassion.
