Coping with a divorce can be tough and the matter gets more complicated if you have children living together. You have to get out of your setback and melancholy as soon as possible to attend to your child. In most cases, this requires both the parents to come together and work in cohesion just after nullifying their vows.
This can be quite challenging, especially if one of the spouse is still nursing a grudge against the other. But responsible parents know better, one should never let personal differences affect the well being of the child. So, here are a few pointers to handle your parenting duties selflessly when you are heading for splitsville.
1. Chart out a plan
Even though two people have separated, the child is not a single person’s priority. Hence, the two estranged parents will have to work together to come up with a plan that would be in the best interest of their child. For this, the two parents should put their issues aside and concentrate only on the task at hand. Think of your ex as a business partner or nanny for your child. To ensure that your child has the best upbringing, you need the support of this person. Start by talking about all important decisions concerning your child like their education, extra curriculars, financial funds, how you will divide time with your child, etc. Also, you should get together every time your child is facing problems or needs attention to look for the best solution. This could be concerning bad behavior, low scores at school, etc.
2. Take external help
Differences on how to raise your child are a common problem. But, ensure that this does not deter the two of you from sitting together and working out a solution. Disagreements are common with married couples also. Try to resolve the issue together, if needed take into account your children’s preferences. If this does not help, then seek external help. There must be family members or friends whom both of you look up to. Consider their views and opinions also on the matter. Otherwise, you can also take help of a counselor.
3. Keep your differences aside
A spilt always leaves behind some bitterness and resentment. There are many things that you might not like about your ex spouse. But never let these out in front of your child. Do not bad mouth, disparage, or criticize your ex. Some people compare or mention their ex every time the child is around. This will only make your children unhappy and dampen their spirit. Even worse, the child might think of you as someone spiteful who just goes on grumbling. It is best to keep your child out of the quarrels and grievances that you nurse against your ex. Always be civil and courteous in front of your child.
4. Work Together
The disunion from your partner does not mean that you have cut off from them completely. When bringing up children together, make sure that you are working in union and not against each other. Sometimes, the two separated parents have different set of rules for the child. Do not try to impose your rules on the children when they are away with your ex. Adapt your life around your children, dot not expect one person to make compromises all the time. You must have charted out a schedule to be with your child, stick to timetable that both of you have agreed upon. However, emergencies call for a change in the schedule. Whenever required, make adjustments like canceling social engagements and business meetings.
