Overview
Teenage is a very difficult period for everyone – the teenagers, the children around and the adults too! This is because, the teenagers are expected to behave like adults and be responsible. Their childish behavior is not tolerated. And yet, at the same time, they do not enjoy all the privileges of an adult! In such a scenario, adult privileges like secrecy and privacy are not given that easily to the teens. This is justifiable too in certain cases, for all said and done, a teen is not as mature as an adult when it comes to decision making. The raging hormones often affect decision making.
Yes, it is justifiable
First, let us discuss situations where the breach of privacy may be deemed fit. As mentioned earlier, teenage times are testing times. Hormones go on rampage inside the body and the youngster starts to experience many psychological changes too. Peer pressure and the struggle to develop an identity begins. At such times, there are many decisions that the teen would be forced to take. And it would be wrong to expect him/her to take proper decisions every time. It is here that the experience of an adult comes handy. But for the parent to be of any help, he/she must know what is going on!
When there is a disconnection between what the teen seems to be going through and what the teen is saying, something is wrong. If the secret being hidden in the diary is that big, the parent better know. There is a reason why nobody is considered as an adult till the age of eighteen is reached. And as long as the parent is legally responsible, it does make sense to obtain information from the personal diary if the teen is not forthcoming.
Finally, the secretive writing in the diary may actually be a plea for help. There have been cases of sexually abused teenage girls confiding into their diaries but not reporting the matter out of shame! Such cases could be properly dealt with and the offenders brought down only if the parent has knowledge and information of what has transpired. Many suicide cases and attempts could have been stopped if only the parents were aware of what was going on in the teen’s mind. In such desperate cases, the ‘breach’ of privacy is a small matter compared to what it could have otherwise been.
No, it is wrong to cross the privacy lines
Trust and respect are values that work only in a two way process. Your teen is fast growing towards adulthood and unless you respect his/her privacy and rights, you will not earn his/her respect! Unless you have really great worries about the teenagers’ safety and security, you should not meddle into lives which they wish to keep private. If your teen is as normal as ever, then the personal diary is just a record of his/her transition into adulthood.
You may be able to get sneak peeks into the diary and do so without the knowledge of the teen and you may think that it is fine. In case you are discovered, the teen will completely lose trust in you. This break in the relationship may take a long time to heal and may never return to normalcy in worst cases. And once that happens, you will always be viewed suspiciously by your child and no amount of explanation will heal this break in trust. And this is because, when nothing is extraordinarily wrong, the teen will feel that you could have as well asked and placed faith!
There are other repercussions too. Feeling that you are a sneak, the teen will also begin to sneak upon you. And in case there are some skeletons in the cupboard that the teen uncovers, it will become a very embarrassing situation at home. That could also develop into a hostile one. If you have younger children at home, the whole experience will have a negative impact on them too!
When you, as an adult, draw lines beyond which you do not expect anyone to cross, it is natural that a going-to-be adult too is in the process of doing the same!
The bottom line
The debate on whether peeking into the teen’s diary is right or wrong can go on and on. There is no standard or right answer. It completely depends on the situation. If you feel that your child’s physical, emotional and psychological security is being threatened, it is fine to gather information from the diary to help the teen. Else, in most situations, the personal diary is best left personal – unless, of course, the teen volunteers to share it with you!
