Asking your uncooperative ex spouse to help you in co parenting your kids can be a difficult task, especially after a nasty divorce battle. You may also feel it unnecessary to ask him/her for help as well. However, note that your children would love your ex spouse no matter what. So put aside your differences and follow these tips to help cope with each other for the sake of your children.
Lessen Conflict
You cannot change some things no matter what. Instead of confronting these things, choose to ignore them. This would lessen the conflict between you and your spouse so that you can concentrate on your children better.
Get along with Step Parents
A mother/father would feel intimidated as and when someone else replaces them. As such, it is imperative that stepparents communicate with the same gender ex-spouse and convey their non-threatening posture. An email or phone stating that they respect the biological parents and would value their roles in bringing up the children, would ease tension between parents and step parents so that the children do not get affected in between.
Discuss only about Parenting
So you cannot handle your ex spouse at all. Whatever conversation you have always keeps coming back to the fight that started it all in the first place. How do you manage this situation? Simple, you talk only about parenting your kids and nothing else. Keep your children as the focus of your conversations, asserting that you could sort out personal issues later. If your ex- spouse keeps gravitating back to hurtful matters, gently remind him/her about the focus of the conversation. If he/she still does not relent, ask to have the conversation later and walk away. The next time you start the conversation, stick firmly to the parenting subject at hand.
Respect Each Other
You may hate each other. However, that does not mean you can discuss your marital matters in plain view of your children.
Your children love you both, irrespective of who is wrong or right. So make an instant effort to cordial with each other in front of them. Refrain from criticizing your ex-spouse in front of your children and do not make excuses as well.
Opt for Impersonal Business Meetings
If you find that coming face to face with your ex-spouse usually ends with a bitter fight, opt for impersonal communication modes. Keep your conversations limited to the phone, email and faxes.
Talk to the answering machine if the phone conversations also turn ugly. In addition, make sure you keep your children away from these negative interactions as much as possible.
Summary
Co parenting your kids with an uncooperative ex-spouse can be an arduous task indeed. Here are some points to make it easier for both of you as well as your children.
