Parenting in itself is the most crucial task. The same thing gets even more challenging and critical when one has to parent step-children. No matter how hard you try and how carefully to put in all your efforts to build up a strong bonding with the step-child, a trivial mistake on your part can widen the gap between you manifold. But on the other hand, every careful move can also ensure successful step-parenting. But in order to do so, you need to have a check list in your hand so that you can plan your moves accordingly and judiciously in order to prove yourself as a great replacement of your step kid’s natural parent. Here is an easy to follow checklist that will be helpful for you in developing a healthy relationship with your step-child. Have a look.
Give time to yourself and the kid
The most vital thing in step-parenting, which foster parents fail to realize, is that a relationship does not grow overnight. It takes time to build up the faith, confidence and dependency that gives a relationship a definite shape. If you try to rush into things and become over possessive or over affectionate, your step kid might just move away from you. You must understand that the kid is also having turmoil and conflicts within itself in trying to accept someone in place of his or her natural parents. Give him or her the time to cope up with the situation. If you rush into things, matters will only get worse instead of turning out to be positive.
Realize your boundaries
Another mistake that step-parents do is that they try to act as natural parents and tend to become over loving and over affectionate. This makes them too nosy and interfering, which the step kids do not like at all. In this context you need to understand that you are never the kid’s natural parent. So you cannot enjoy all the pleasures of parenthood as that of natural parents. It is rather wise to know your boundaries and proceed accordingly. Show that you care for your kid that becoming over loving. Help your spouse bring up the kid in a nice fashion rather than trying to be guardian and casting in your own decisions unnecessarily.
Hold your patience
While trying to prove yourself successful in step-parenting, you may face situations that you might have never expected. Even your kindest of actions can be turned off with rage, anger, rudeness and impoliteness by your step kid. There might be even be situations when the kid becomes jealous of you for occupying an important position in the life of his or her natural parent with whom the kid is staying at present. But you must take all these sportingly and accept the challenge with grace if you are serious about step-parenting. You will not have any room for grief, sorrow, hurt, etc. till you achieve your mission. A golden rule is that never retaliate to a rude behavior exhibited to you by your step kid in the similar fashion. Rather, try to hold your nerves and remain calm. In case you find it difficult to do so, leave the place and try to be alone till you regain back your mood.
Be accessible and available
During the course of step-parenting, different people face different situations. While some of them meet with extremely unexpected and unsatisfactory situations, others might find themselves in a circumstance when the kid looks forward to a new friend. You have to analyze and judge the situation yourself and act accordingly. Keeping in mind your limitations and boundary never means that you will maintain a safe distance with your step kid and think that the kid will understand you and you will have a strong bonding eventually. There are times when you need to make yourself available to your kid too. You should be responsive too. For instance, if you are engrossed with an interesting piece of news in the newspaper and your step kid asks you to solve a sum for him or her, do not turn the kid away as that will be detrimental for your relationship. It is advisable to keep away the newspaper and concentrate on what the kid wants. Sometimes, small sacrifices really become rewarding.
Never bad mouth the ex-parent
You might have some kind of grudge against the ex-parent of your step kid. But it is foolish to bad mouth the person in front of the child. Such an attitude might make the kid think that you are trying to alienate him or her from biological parents. Stay away from such a practice.
