So you have one child and have decided to complete your family by adding another member to your family. Many of us think that getting a younger sibling will be good company to your elder child, there are a lot of phases which the older sibling goes through before he finally accepts his baby brother or sister. Tantrums start right from the pregnancy stages and can go on probably for the entire life! But that’s a whole new dimension of sibling rivalry for us to get into! So read ahead if you want to know what stages your first child will go through in order to mingle up and accept with his baby brother/sister!
Stage 1: Announcing the arrival
Well that’s the first thing you would want your child to know. While you may be on the top of the world its completely okay for the child to be anxious, excited, resentful and mixed emotions altogether. Don’t judge him against all these rather allow him to voice his feelings. Listen to what he has to say and give him love and genuine reassurances. Involve your child with you. Make him touch your belly to feel the new baby. This way he will start connecting with his younger sibling even before he is born!
Stage 2: Here comes the baby
So, the baby is born and you get your child to have his/her first big brother/sister moment. Many children have different reactions to it. It is completely understandable if he is resentful as seeing someone else in your arms instead of him. It can be a big shocker for the baby. So welcome your first baby with a warm hug and smile and take him back to his comfort zone, just like he always used to be there. The bay needs to realize just because that space is being shared doesn’t mean that he has lost it completely. Moreover to break the ice between the siblings let your child go to meet his brother/sister. Buy a present for him to greet his sibling. This way the barrier will be broken in a very friendly manner.
Stage 3 : The jealousy time!
So your child looks out with eyes green with jealousy as you feed the toddler. Don’t hold it against him as it is completely natural. As you can’t stop doing that do make sure that you spend some child with your first born too. When the toddler is asleep, take out some lone time with your child. Make it a habit and do it everyday and raise the bar. If your first born sees cartoons for 40 minutes while you feed your baby, be it! This way even he’ll be amused and you’ll easily wade through the breast feeding time.
Stage 4 : The waning stage
This is the most annoying stage when your child acts all cranky and starts behaving like a baby himself. When this stage arrives, don’t give away to his demands of getting breast-fed or wetting his pants after months of being dry seriously. He just wants you to feel that just because you have another baby, this baby needs attention too! Deal with him with cuddles and hugs instead of giving away to his demands. Moreover do a wise thing by telling him the advantages of being a grown up, like getting to eat ice-cream, going out to play with friends etc.
Stage 5: The touchy stage
So the time has come when your first born has accepted his sibling and wants to get all touchy and playful towards him. But problems arise when the baby accidentally hits or harms the baby due to lack of hand-eye co-ordination. Scolding your child or telling him to step away from the baby is not the wisest thing to do. Instead tell him safe areas like the tummy where he can pat and play with his sibling. But if you think he is crossing the line and touching the toddler, do take charge and buy him some teddy bears to bash up instead of the baby.
Stage 6 : The your your’s mine’s mine stage
Yes, the time has come when the baby is old enough to play with toys that belonged to the sibling. You’ll be amused to see how the old teddy decaying in the loft suddenly becomes a priced possession as soon as it reaches the sibling’s hand. Instead of always scolding your elder child, tell him how to share. Moreover give him special attention by letting him play with toys that aren’t baby safe. This way your baby will get his ‘special treatment’ too.
Stage 7: The harmony stage
So you have seen all these stages and are extremely tired by them, your relief will know no bounds when you notice your children actually playing together. When this stage comes, instead of leaving them alone, take part in their play by watching, listening or encouraging it. Don’t expect your first born to be the responsible one and make him total in-charge of his brother/sister. Always keep in mind he is also still a child. Do remember to also praise your children every now and then when you see them playing together!
Though this stage may take a lot of time and even a lot of perseverance, the wait is worth! Nothing could beat seeing all four of you on a picnic with everyone in tandem with every member of the family! Hopefully by this time your children will have broken all ice between them just in case you want to introduce to them baby number 3!
