In some families, parents rule with an iron fist. Kids expect parents to know everything but sometimes it is ok to admit that you don’t know because you are a human being and not someone with supernatural power who has all the answers.
Why it is important to say “I don’t know’?
When the person in charge is all-knowing, everyone gets rocked in a hammock of implicit security. The kids might not always like what Mom decrees, but they know there’s little point in arguing. And by teaching her brood it’s futile to question her, Mom gets to enjoy a little peace. In a large, busy family make that in any family cutting down on stress and strife holds serious allure. In the book:”I don’t know” Leah Hager Cohen says it is ok to admit to kids that you don’t know. She explains couple of situation and provides examples.
Her infinite willingness to entertain doubt has become something of a family joke. The kids do wicked impressions of my waffling discursions. They cock their heads, twist their mouths sideways, and squint contemplatively. And they’ve learned when they really need an answer to cut her off: Just tell me yes or no, they’ll plead. The fact is, no matter how strongly she believes something, and she has difficulty shutting the door on alternate perspectives. When the issue involves global politics or social justice or the complexities of workplace communications, this tendency may be beneficial. When the issue is whether to let a kid watch an extra half hour of TV, even I realize it can be a bit much.
So do you prefer authoritarian model of parenting or do you believed in holding family meetings at which everyone from the littlest person to the biggest got to weigh in? You can ask more questions than answers. You don’t have to position yourselves as the answer-keepers. By inviting and insisting your kid’s participation, you are asking them to take responsibility for thinking: about their desires, about their commitments, and about how to balance the two.
Parenting itself is a balancing act. Without presenting yourselves as all knowing, you will be indisputably in charge. This is the balance you need, one in which you might model ease with admitting “I don’t know” and simultaneously provide them with the security of knowing I’m strong enough, sure enough, to hold them in all their vulnerability.
