Since children usually make lasting bonds with parents and foster parents, they fall victims to the adverse effects of parental loss and separation. It is true that no matter how you say it, the child is going to get hurt after hearing the bad news. It is of utmost importance to use good words and better ways to break the news, so that the child can recover from it, understand the consequences and the changes it might bring to his or her life.
When the news of separation is related to the departure or illness, then parents must talk to the child together and discuss why a departure is necessary. Helping your child understand the necessity is crucial if you don’t want him to feel cheated and dejected later. When it is about divorce, each parent must talk to the child to should avoid a situation where the child has to be a part of conflict and have to choose between parents. No matter what the situation is, parents must make the child understand that there is no diminishing of love or positive concern and everything will be fine even if the family changes.
The best part is to help the child realize that change in family dynamics, meaning that the father and mother won’t be husband and wife won’t change his relationship with them or affect their love and concern for the child.
Don’t wait too long before breaking the news, especially if you don’t want him to know from some other source. When you try to postpone the news it severely affects the child, as they are very sensitive to handle/take the emotional turmoil. Telling the news early helps the child in two ways. First, it prevents the child from tension and anxiety that might build-up, as the child would be wondering about various things happening in the family and Secondly, it also gives the child sometime to raise questions and adjust with the changes in the family.
The next important thing after the loss or separation is the time to say good-byes. After they have adjusted to the situation, you must give them the opportunity to express their good-byes.
The process of saying actual good-byes to places, people or family is considered to be the most healing process for the child. The last good-byes help the child to acknowledge all the good things that are lost and allow him to express the feeling face to face involved in the situation. The wishing and blessing from the last satisfying good-byes are much better than the complicate no good-byes which cause more grief from the loss. Children who do not have the permission to say good-byes might suffer from acute grief and more likely, it causes additional damage to their basic sense of trust and love in a relationship.
