Freshman year in high school is the most important year in your son or daughter’s school life. To you it may seem all that ultimately matters is that your teenage son or daughter scores enough to get into a good college, but freshman year decides how he is going to fit into high school for as long as he or she is there. It is training ground for the society that your teen will eventually come to face, and so it is very important that he or she can successfully blend in and yet carve out a niche for himself or herself so that eventually he or she will become a well-rounded individual in society. The added benefit would also be that the high school years would become some of the most pleasant memories in your teen’s life. With this kind of pressure riding on them, it is important to help them (and yourself) to cope with such challenging times.
1. Remember that you were there too
Most parents and teachers forget that they had been teenage students as well when they judge their own children/students. Even if you did not go through the exact situations and felt the exact feelings, it is important to know that your peers surely had been in situations similar to what is happening to teens today. Never judge teens with your own adult wisdom. Being understanding is key. However, also make it a point not to always remind your teenage son or daughter the wise decisions and mistakes that you made as a teenager. To every teenager their own experience of life is vital and new. They are in the process of forming their own individual personalities. Never use statements like “I was just like you.” or ” When I was your age…” It is not about you. It is about them.
2. Give them their freedom
Your child must already have been aching to come out of your protective shadow and discover the world for himself. Let him. In these personality-forming years, you cannot impose yourself on your child’s identity. Someday he will be on his own, but a healthy time to start training for that is now. You might feel a sense of loneliness and protectiveness, but you shall have to deal with that yourself. Do not, however, lose sight of the goings on of your teen’s life. While he has a right to privacy, you must also have adequate and consistent interest in his life. Teenagers will experiment with things that would not seem favorable to them in hindsight, but you must allow them to find that out for themselves. If you interfere too much, you will either make them rebellious, or make them lose self-esteem. However, always be available to them. Contrary to popular belief, teens do need their parents regularly and you should be a patient and supportive parent.
3. Don’t try too hard
Your teen already has enough pressure on him. Your unnecessary need to help him cope with it will add to the pressure. The last thing he wants to deal with is you, after school, studies, friends, hobbies and romantic interests. Therefore, don’t try to go where you are not invited. Work on keeping a healthy and functional home environment. Your teenager is changing at a rapid pace, his home life should be conducive to his comfort. Keep serving him healthy meals even when he doesn’t seem interested to eat. Keep having relatives over even when it seems like he doesn’t care. Keep taking family vacations even when he might object to it. Remember that it is not you, it is him coping with his new life. Deep down he appreciates all the hard work you put in, even though he may not express it.
4. When things get worse, talk to him first
Teens are most insecure in their freshman year. If you notice any unpleasant changes, talk to your teen before you talk to his teachers and friends. Nothing gives your teenage son a greater sense of betrayal than you discussing his problems behind his back. Any problem that your teen faces, he should ultimately share it with you. Or, you must trust him to handle it. You don’t want him to turn against you and stop trusting you. For that, you must treat him with enough adult respect to discuss his own problems with you, or deal with them however he wants to. Your child will soon be an adult, and you just have to respect him during the transitional phase.
