A common and exasperating experience that mothers of young children between 12 and 24 months undergo is dealing with the toddler learning to pull hair, first starting with the mother’s hair. The more you express your anger on the kid, the more your baby enjoys and indulges in this annoying behavior! Why do young toddlers pull hair? Should you worry about this behavior? What are the steps you can take to tackle this habit? The reason why toddlers pull hair is nothing more than a newly discovered way of interacting and responding to their environment. Babies are on a learning and discovering spree.
Much of hair pulling behavior is not something to worry about since it will pass with the time. But there are some worrisome hair pulling behavior that you would want to address. Hair pulling when accompanied by aggression or crying is a form of nonverbal communication that something is bothering the child. This is usually seen when there is delayed development of basic vocabulary. Sometimes, this can become a habit, leading to the development of a hostile, non-cooperative and aggressive nature. Another form of hair pulling i.e. pulling his or her own hair by infants and toddlers can often be a form of self soothing. This too, if it grows into a habit, can lead to complications not just with hair, but also with the personality of the child. So, you need to address the problem as soon as possible. Here are some tips that will help you tackle this behavior.
1. Don’t jump to conclusions
Hair pulling is a normal part of development. It is something that excites and amuses the child. As he or she develops greater curiosity about the “rest of the universe,” this phase will be left behind. Wait till you are certain that this behavior is turning compulsive or self-defeating before you take steps to address it.
2. Don’t pull the child’s hair
You might think that pulling back on the child’s hair will show them how painful it is and discourage them. There are two problems here. First, he does not yet has the capacity to make all of those logical connections that you do, so your lesson is largely wasted on him. Second, by indulging in the same behavior that you want the child to stop, you are sending out mixed messages that will end up confusing him.
3. Undo the reward
In social situations, children usually resort to hair pulling in order to get something that they want but are unable to get it using their social skills. Once the dynamics of strength and aggression have been played out, the child either gets what he wants or goes into a temper tantrum. Demonstrate to the child that this strategy does not work by undoing whatever they gained, whether it is by interrupting or ignoring the temper tantrum or by handing back the toy or object that they snatched.
4. Break the pattern
When hair pulling becomes a frequent behavior, interrupt it every time it occurs by verbally communicating to the child firmly that this is not acceptable behavior. Children understand the meaning of a stern “no” very well, and will receive the message that their hair pulling behavior is not viewed kindly. With the course of time, they will abandon it for more acceptable alternatives.
5. Ask questions
Hair pulling is often a mode of expressing a feeling or an urge that the child cannot verbalize. Once you have interrupted the behavior, ask in words if there is anything that the child wants. Ask him to show you or point out what he wants or is feeling. Help him develop a vocabulary to better express his needs and feelings.
6. Link consequence to action
If your child is displaying problematic hair pulling, take steps to interrupt the behavior every time you notice it and then link it to a negative consequence such as a brief time out where you do not engage with the child because “Mommy is angry and upset.” This will set up a negative association with the behavior and de-motivate the child from indulging in it.
These simple steps will help your child to effectively outgrow the habit of hair pulling. If this behavior persists or intensifies, you should seek the help of a pediatrician and seek professional guidance.
