Jealousy creates a very uncomfortable environment for both the partners in a relationship regardless of who is facing it. Researches show that fear of abandonment and lack of security are the main reasons for partners to be jealous.
Dealing with Jealous in a Normal Relationship
1. Learn to trust your partner
Learn to have faith in your partner and don’t be suspicious about them pointlessly. Get back your self-assurance and bear in mind that your partner does care for you, and is not going to stop adoring you by just chatting with someone gorgeous.
Don’t allow any kind of secrecy between you and your partner. This is a lot nicer than giving a demonstration of the feeling of jealousy. This would be very helpful in maintaining long-term relationships.
2. Identify the reasons behind jealousy and insecurity
Jealousy in relations generally comes from a lack of confidence that you feel regarding yourself or concerning your relationship. When you go through a twinge of envy, make an effort to work out what’s actually at the origin of it. You’ll most likely find out that to resolve the trouble you need to change your attitude instead of changing the manner your partner or the people around your partner act.
Insecurity gives rise to jealousy. Secure or confident people don’t feel jealous since they don’t have a reason to feel so. Take some time out for yourself and carry out the things that make you feel good about yourself. When anxious feelings come in the brain of yours, try to shove them away.
3. Tell your partner about your problem
If something troubles you, let your partner know about it in an apparent and agreeable manner that you are not happy or pleased with their behavior. If you’re infuriated with your partner’s attitude towards something, then let them know about it. You might brood and make the upcoming days awful for both of you. In place of scheming in your brain, just say what’s going in your mind. Then you can resolve the things quicker and have more time to be joyous.
If your partner wishes to tell you something, don’t turn your back on him or her although you feel like doing it. Keep in mind that what appears to be gibberish to you could be very important for your partner if they are distressed and want your comfort.
4. Discuss your problems
What a person generally does is to start avoiding his/her partner, not answering their phone calls. These kinds of steps make things only worse as they start to feel whatever they think about you is true. Experts suggest that talking about your problem with your jealous partner can be really helpful. Let your partner know that he/she can talk to you about any fear and anxieties. Try not to dismiss his/her feelings completely as it only increases her misunderstanding about you. Try to find out the source of your loved one’s jealousy. Do not make the mistake of telling your partner that he/she is completely baseless as it would increase your problem even more. Make your partner talk about how they feel and try to convince them that you will not leave them ever.
5. Validate your partner’s feelings
Validate your partner’s feelings about you. Pretend to take all responsibility for the problem even if you do not agree. Validation does not mean that you have to agree with your partner. It just means that you care about their feelings, desires, and sentiments. Use sentences like “I can see why you feel that way” and “I know that you are upset by this” can really help. Do not rule out their blame completely. Take some responsibility for it and try to convince your partner that you would improve in the future.
6. Be available and responsive
If you are there for her whenever your partner needs you it would really help to calm them down and make them believe you. If you continue to show that you can be counted on and believed, over time your partner will become less suspicious. You should constantly assure them that there is no threat to your relationship from any other woman or man. Try to give your partner details of the time you spend away from them. Let your lover talk to your family and friends. It may make them realize that their jealousy is baseless.
7. Make agreements on boundaries
Try to work out some agreements on boundaries related to various issues. Such as limit the total number of phone calls made while you are at the office (like 3 or 4). Be at home at a prearranged time frame. If something important comes up, inform your partner right away. This would not give him/her a chance to doubt you. Also discuss with your partner the kind of people you go out with and make sure he/she is comfortable with them. These agreements give your partner a sense of control over your life and gradually their feeling of jealousy goes away.
8. Seek professional help
If all these ways have proved no good for you try to seek some professional help from a counselor or psychologist. Accompany your loved one whenever he/she goes to meet him. An expert’s interference and advice may erase irrational thoughts from their mind and turn them into your earlier loving, caring, and ideal partner.
Dealing with Jealousy in a Long-Distance Relationship
Maintaining a long-distance relationship generally turns out to be very difficult and is almost impossible to maintain if we do not curb down our expectations. The following are a few ways to control jealousy in a long-distance relationship.
1. Never compare with the older scenario
Whenever we start feeling bad about our relationships, we start comparing the present scenario to the past. It gives us a lot of material to discuss and complain about to our partner, about their inefficiency and lack of commitment. But we tend to forget that things can never be the same now, they are at a new place with new friends and hence cannot devote as much time to you as they used to. If you have nothing to occupy yourself with, it is not their fault. Always reassure yourself that they love you and miss you as much and hence blaming them and holding them responsible for it will hurt them even further.
2. Stay in touch
It is important to stay in touch with your partner as much as possible, do not wait for them to contact you, make the first move. It will prevent you from a lot of arguments and will also make your partner feel happy that you are missing them. If you are going out with your friends and your partner is alone at his place, leave him a message telling him when exactly you would get back to them and stick to your word. If possible, take out a few minutes of your day to ask them about how their day is going. Never lie about anything you do because you have been in a relationship with this person for some time, you must be having some common friends who will let him know about your activities. It is important to sustain this trust and faith that your partner has in you.
3. Be patient, know your limits
If you are waiting for your partner, who is busy somewhere, try to be patient. Don’t jump into conclusions and never gossip about your relationship with others. Do not try to judge your partner on the basis of what you have been hearing about others, you know your partner better than anybody so don’t let anybody influence your thinking. You must also know your limits and give your partner their freedom. Do not be accusatory or temperamental because you will scare them off from telling the truth. Be open-minded and relaxed and never stop trusting your partner. Always ask them to be frank about their feelings about you, it is natural to feel attracted to other people, but that doesn’t mean that you are out of the picture now. Discuss it with them and let them know that you are always there for them as a friend if they want to discuss any problem.
Dealing with Jealousy in an Open Relationship
Jealousy is the first emotion that needs to be neglected when you talk about an open relationship. we mean, how to get them both in one place? They are the most contradictory substances for each other which can create the world’s best recipe to lose your relationship when combined together. Let’s learn how can one deal with jealousy in an open relationship.
1. Accept the reality
The truth is, yes, you are jealous in your open relationship and you need to accept it in front of you. Many times one of the partners feels vulnerable to the fact that they are seeing other people too. This self-guilt can also cause frustration leading to failure. It is best if you talk to your partner and let him/her know that you feel awful about this and that you are jealous when you see him/her with someone else. There is no harm in confronting your own feelings. Don’t make yourself suffer by just being in the feeling, talk it out to your partner. You decided to go for an open relationship; you too have the right to make your partner feel jealous.
2. Draw boundaries
You have taken the decision of being in an open relationship; you can set some rules as well. The term open does not necessarily mean that there are no limits. Discuss with your partner and set some guidelines wherein you get to see your partner every day, no matter wherever you guys spend your weekend, with or without each other, make sure you are together by the end of it. If you have the liberty to date, other people, even your partner does. Why don’t you set up a rule of meeting your partner’s new love interest, every time they opt for another person? This way, you can be less jealous of the fact that you know whom they are spending their time with.
3. Be your own protector
Do you wish to rely on your partner for each and everything? Ask yourself. You are in an open relationship; you have the liberty to be your own master. Try to calm yourself and get that self-control. Do not depend on your partner to take care of you all the time. Have your own space, wherein you spend a great time with your friends, or pamper yourself with spa or a nice movie. Don’t let your partner be a part of any of these occasions. It is your fun time and you should not let it hamper because of your partner.
4. Word of assurance
Once you have discussed your feelings with your partner, have a solution that is suitable for both. You can easily cope up with the emotion of jealousy by diverting your mind to something else or maybe someone else. Remember you are in an open relationship! Your partner needs it, respect your decision, and try to understand the reason behind this. You cannot let your partner’s freedom affect your mental state. Often, such situations can lead to a bad brutal breakup or indecent bitter fights. Hence, have a solution to it the moment you realize you are being jealous!
5. Find out the roots
Try and analyze the reason as why do you feel jealous when you see your partner with another person. You too are involved with someone else. Then why is it that you feel irritated about something that is convenient to you as well. Is it the feeling of dependency or loneliness that makes you jealous? Try to get to the roots of this and establish a common solution suitable for both of you. Open relationships have a lot of benefits too; try to be on the other side too.
Dealing with Jealousy in a Polyamorous Relationship
Polyamory is a consensual condition wherein jealousy is one of the first factors to be avoided in this consent. These two things do not complement each other. But don’t worry, here is a guide to relieve you from this situation.
1. Jealousy or Envy
Jealousy = Fear of losing something that you possess.
Envy = Wanting something that the other person has and you don’t.
You need to evaluate which of the above-mentioned emotions do you really go through. Whether it is actually jealousy that you are experiencing or is it envy. If its envy, then the first thing that you need to do is calm that envious child inside you. You need to understand that envy is a passing phase and so it should not be given a lot of attention. The best solution is to find something interesting to do that takes your mind away from the messy situation.
2. Triggers
Pay attention to the factors which trigger these feelings inside you. It can be due to the flirting which happens in various interactions, your internal expectations towards a person, and the responses that you have been receiving from your partner. In a normal way, people generally determine the triggers first and then ponder on a plan to get rid of the mess. This will also help you to understand yourself better and your deep-rooted conditional feelings towards your partner.
3. Face the green-eyed monster
Finally, everything comes from within you. Be brave enough and face your insecurities. By doing that you would realize what seems to be miscommunicated in a relationship. Accordingly set parameters that can help you set some expectations and rules for a stable relationship. Otherwise what you may be dying off might never ever come to the attention of your partner and you both would end up losing your consensual poly.
