Living with an abusive person can be very unfortunate. It can affect your entire life if you are the subdued kind and do not have any energy left to react or confide in anyone. It is of utmost importance to deal with abuse in the first instance itself, failing which things can become really difficult to deal with. Here are some fine ways to deal with abuse.
How to Deal with Mental Abuse
Mental abuse is one of the ghastliest forms of torture, which, unfortunately, does not leave any physical tell-tale signs, and therefore very difficult to prove in the court of law. The victim is left totally shattered and mentally drained by the perpetual emotional onslaught, sometimes, eventually driving him or her to the brink of suicide. If you are a victim of mental abuse, you can follow the following tips to counter emotional abuse.
1. Be assertive
This is one of the first steps to keep your offender at bay. If you are a victim of mental abuse, it goes without saying that you are not an assertive or an authoritative person. You will have to develop that attitude in you if you wish to even slightly ensure your ‘safety’. Be assertive and learn to say no. Have the courage to lay down rules in your relationship. Rules that henceforth all the communication and interactions will be held in dignified manner – no character assassination, no shouting, no foul language, no raising hand to hit etc. In short, don’t become the abuser yourself. Make clear that any misbehavior or flouting of rules will result in separation. Do not expect overnight results, on the contrary expect a backlash, and be prepared to withstand it.
2. Be expressive
This is very very imperative when a relationship is going through an ‘abusive’ phase, and the abuse is crossing its limits. You need to learn how to express your feelings, your thinking and your expectations from your partner. Instead of taking everything lying down, learn how to express your anger in a controlled manner so that your partner gets the message that enough is enough. This will help draw boundaries of behavior, and might make your partner think twice before indulging in any disrespectful behavior with you. If you can’t convey your feelings to your partner, turn to your social circle where you are more likely to be heard and understood. You may vent your frustration in front of friends, family members or colleagues, and thus relieve yourself of some stress.
3. Talk to a counselor
Do not hesitate in talking to a professional who is an expert in such cases. Taking a professional medic’s help does not mean you have made your personal problem a public affair. On the contrary, you may chance upon certain ideas you may have never thought of, to bridge the gap between you and your partner. Keep an open mind and discuss freely your feelings, opinions, expectations and willingness to contribute, to reconcile the relationship, which may be going from bad to worse. Remember, there is light at end of the tunnel.
How to Deal with Verbal Abuse
None of us can go on enduring verbal abuse of the severest kind. There comes a limit when we go berserk and fight back. Staying or dealing with a verbally abusive person can be a traumatic experience, and it can affect your mental balance and peace as well if not dealt with suitably. Here are some tips on dealing with verbal abuse.
1. Understand the situation
Sometimes, verbal abuse can be due to a traumatic situation and in such cases, it is you who have to understand the person’s mental agony and be willing to make amends. Remain unperturbed and ensure that you do not attack back and cause more abuse. Let the person vent all his anger at you and once he cools down you can talk to him.
The abuse may also have been due to a genuine problem created by you. In such cases, remember that you have caused him to be verbally abusive and, in a way, you deserve it. Let him come out of his mental state and you can calmly speak to him and do whatever necessary to deal with the situation. Taking things in a mature manner and not attacking back will help in such cases as the person will understand that you are willing to take the blame and make amends.
2. Importance of remaining calm and composed
Verbal abuse almost always becomes worse when both the people involved starting fighting for supremacy. Remaining calm and very composed, even if you do not deserve to be abused, will help bring the situation under control. Verbally abusive people almost always cool down faster when the victim is calm and quiet and does not react to his abuse. This is all that he needs to stop and leave. It is only sometimes that verbally abusive people get even angrier when the victim remains silent. This is when the person intended the abuse to make you angry and retort so that your good name is spoilt. In any case, there are many advantages when you remain calm and composed. Things can always be sorted out between the two when you both are sane and ready to listen to each other.
3. Use your power
Verbal aggression can sometimes be stopped with great power, strength, and courage. If you are confident about your ability to control people, stop the verbally abusive person on the track by just a single and fierce utterance form your part. You can do that with an accompanying gesture with your hand that will cause him a shock which he may not have expected. Never try this if the verbally abusive person is a person of high authority or someone whom you hold in high esteem. It may not be a good idea to use your power if you are really in the wrong as well. Check the situation before you take such a stand.
4. Take action
Verbal abuse coming from co-workers could be difficult to deal with as you will have difficulty continuing to work with them and function as a team. They might not cooperate and will find ways to continue the abuse every time they get a chance. Your work and name will suffer in such cases. Make sure that you report the matter to the management or the concerned department so that they can take the right action against the person. Remember, this must be done only if verbal abuse is very frequent. Taking action will mean that you can never get along with the person anymore and there is no scope for reconciliation.
How to Deal with Sexual Abuse
Many times, victims of sexual abuse fail to recognize these acts as violence. Failing to do so, they prevent themselves from seeking proper help they require to cope up with the trauma of the abuse. Listed below are few tips to effectively deal and overcome the exploitation.
1. Get medical treatment
If you are injured after a sexual assault, visit a doctor and get medical treatment immediately. Be open and honest to your medical practitioner and tell the doctor exactly what happened. You do not have to be shy or shameful about the act as it is certainly not your fault.
Letting the doctor know will help him in giving you a proper treatment. As in the case of a rape, a thorough medical examination is necessary to detect injury and take precautionary methods against pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease. Moreover, a doctor will also be able to help you with not just physical injuries but also emotional imbalances.
2. Break the silence
Often sexual abuse can be kept a secret for many years. By doing so, you will only hurt yourself and indicate the abuser that you are available for further abuse. In case you are keeping it hidden because of fear and shame, it’s time to break the wall. Confide and share it with someone you can trust. It could be anyone, a family member, a close friend, or even a trustworthy teacher. Telling someone is a step towards healing and taking an action about the issue.
3. Get counseling
Do not try to deal with the situation alone. There are professionals to help the victims of abuse and assault. Sexual assault hotlines, women’s shelter, and trained counselors can help you in a better way to overcome your pain. Remember you are as normal as any other individual, all you need is proper assistance from someone who is skilled to deal with issues of sexual abuse, both emotionally and psychologically. In this case, you can contact Boucher LLP where their clergy sexual abuse lawyers fight tirelessly to hold perpetrators liable and advocate for their clients. The civil claims process may often cause survivors to relive their trauma as they recount events and face their abusers. They can also help ensure safeguards are put in place to prevent future harm.
4. Build good relationships
Although it may be difficult to involve yourself in relationships due to a sense of betrayal, it is important that you learn to build and regain trust in people.
Joining a support group can be helpful in breaking isolation and coping up with the feelings of embarrassment. Gradually allowing others to get close to you is advisable; as the fact of life is that no individual can live alone. Aim to discover someone who trustworthy and can offer his/her support to you for life. Remember that due to the fault of one individual you cannot blame society. Thus, try to develop positive, good, and meaningful relationships.
4. Stay engaged
Keeping yourself occupied is an effective way to deal with traumas of sexual abuse. Sitting idle and isolated will only torture you emotionally. Engage yourself in various activities and channelize your talent in a proper way.
In addition, self-care is key to the healing process. Maintaining a balanced diet and proper sleep cycle, using stress reduction techniques like exercise or yoga can be really helpful. However, there is no need to push yourself too much, do things at your own pace and as per agreement with your needs.
Some More Tips That Might Help
1. Talk to the abuser
Talking to the person who abuses you, whether the person is a family member, spouse or co-worker, should be your first method of dealing with abuse. Most of the time, talking can make a huge difference in a person’s attitude and make the person change his/her behavior towards you. The origin of the abuse could be a misunderstanding or something else that has caused the person to feel remorse towards you. Talking and understanding the problem will help in solving any problems that have led to the abusive behavior. Do not confront the abuser with equal fierceness. Aim towards a friendly and gentle approach and then matters can be solved amicably. Abusive people almost always change when the victim takes a more understanding approach and is willing to solve issues between them.
2. Suggest counselling
Sometimes, abuse stems from a psychological illness that is deep rooted. If this is the case, you must look at psychological counseling as a possible way to solve the situation. If the abuser is your spouse or a family member, you must take the initiative to arrange for counseling. Abusive people can get violent and living with them can be a constant danger to you as well. If you feel that the abuse has been long winded and has not been associated with any particular reason or trigger, do not wait for things to become worse.
Call up counseling services or check with your friends and relatives as to what you canin order to give the person support and care that he/she needs at this time to recover from the behavior. With continual support and love along with the treatment, the abusive behavior can be curtailed and the person can lead a normal life.
3. Get support
When you are living with an abusive person, you need great support to be able to get along with the person and also keep you cool. Abusive spouses can be very difficult to deal with and if you are not careful and want the relationship to continue without going into separation, you need support in the form of friends and relatives. Discuss your problem with your trusted friends and relatives and they will be able to offer suggestions as well which you can consider while looking for options.
Getting support will also help you cope better and reduce the stress of living with an abusive person. Supportive relatives and friends will be able to assess the situation and help you analyze as to whether there is any future in your relationship. Sometimes, it requires others’ help for you to realize that the relationship is going on a downhill and abusiveness is just the last straw on which you must act.
4. Stay away from trouble
While you try to get back on track and weave the broken threads back into place, you must also ensure that you are safe from the abusive person. Abusiveness can border on violence and if the person has hereditary mental disease, you cannot predict when the person may become violent. Therefore, always makes sure that you are safe and help is near. Keep your friends and relatives informed when the abusive person becomes abusive. It is best to ask a relative or friend to drop in when you give an emergency call so that the abusive person can be curtailed.
5. Move away
It is very difficult to deal with an abusive person, let alone live with him/her. In spite of all attempts to cope with the trauma and offering help and support to save the relationship or work environment, if the abusiveness starts getting on your nerves and prevents you from remaining peaceful and happy, it is important that you make the right decision. Moving away from the relationship in the case of an abusive spouse or looking for another job if you have an abusive co-worker are things that you must consider in case of extreme stress. No amount of sacrifice can help if you lose your health and mental peace.
