How to deal with abusive people

Irrespective where we go, we are surrounded by all sorts of people. And one such set of people are abusive or negative. Let us see how you can deal with abusive people.

Confront the person directly

Running away from a situation is never a solution. So, raise your standards and simply lay down everything on the table with the person. Explain that why his/her abusive behavior is no longer tolerable for you. Try to figure out what is the cause of such a behavior. Is it only with you or is it the nature of the concerned person? If the latter is true probably there is less that you can do, however, if at all specifically you are the target confronting the negative behavior can be helpful. The good thing about this approach is you stop getting emotionally hurt and figure out where you exactly stand with the other person. Put down your demands and draw a line. If that person crosses it, you can be sure that the abuse is willful.

Don’t respond

In most cases when a person gets abusive or initiates a difficult attitude, he/she is attempting to trigger a response from you. If you react, you are actually giving that person what he/she wants. So, take the first step and stop the cycle of negative reactions. Stop responding on the person’s negative behavior and start rewarding his/her slightest positive behavior. Compliment the other person for anything they did well. Remember to be genuine for which you might have to dig deep to figure out something that you can appreciate about the person. It is known as behavioral conditioning strategy. Whenever the person gets abusive, either ignore him/her or point it out there and then. The process will take time but will help to gently change the abusive person by making him/her realize about their negative attitude.

Eliminate abusive people in your life

Negative people are the cause of energy drain. And deeply unhappy or frustrated people will try their best to bring you down emotionally. They may get abusive or pass defamatory remarks. For which it is necessary to eliminate such people from your life. If your contact with that person is optional it is easy but if it is someone, you cannot avoid, try to cut down your interactions. Remain neutral and detached, and most importantly cordial if the abuse has not been too obvious. Consider making some changes, for example, getting flexible with your work hours, so that you simply avoid dealing with that person. Always remember that you have a choice to be surrounded by people who are positive, encouraging, and peaceful. For sure you can’t control everything, but you certainly have enough control on your life and can avoid to deal with such people.

Avoid heated arguments

For any reason if you choose to respond at all, take some time to cool off before you dive in. Choose a good time and place, and peacefully explain the other person that his/her abusive behavior is unacceptable.The fact is that when we are emotionally charged up, we argue and blame each other instead of rationally figuring out a solution. There are chances that in that heated moment in order to shield yourself, you may also display negative behavior. This can lead to exchange of unlawful words, which will also put you in the same boat. Just don’t get agitated and defend yourself for the sake of your ego. Wait it out or else you will only end up adding oil to the fire. Moreover, when the time is right make sure that you specifically describe the behavior without attributing motives.

Be in their shoes

To get inside the mind of an abuser, you must understand that “why” the person is abusive. There can be many reasons, but in most cases, it is because someone else has been abusive to them. Even though abusive behavior is not justified in any circumstance, make an effort to understand the other person’s situation. Try putting yourself in their position and see if unintentionally you have hurt their feelings. Is there anything you have said or done in the past that is causing such a reaction? Is there anything you can do to help the other person? This rational approach will help you gain a new outlook, and may also allow you to remove or clear misunderstandings if any with the other person.

Dr Prem Jagyasi and Team (C)

Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.

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