Dealing with a narcissist husband is always a difficult thing as you have to deal with his self-obsession all the time. If you are looking for some help, read the tips given below.
Cope with Your Narcissist Husband’s Ignorance
It is hard for a wife to stand the ignorance of her narcissist husband as she finds it difficult to understand the fact that someone who loved her more than her life has changed suddenly. This sudden change usually steps in gradually.
1. Point out the upsetting behavior patterns
It is important that your partner knows your side of the story. Point out the specific behavior patterns that bother you or that have changed drastically with time. Make sure you do not sound sarcastic since the idea is to let him know what actually troubles you.
2. Analyze your thoughts
There are times when you never even get to know that you are expecting too much. It is important that you analyze your own thoughts and feelings to make sure you are on the right track. Share the feelings with your partner since you cannot expect your partner to be a superhuman to know how you feel.
Ask what you want from your partner. Time changes and so do relationships with time. You must learn to accept the change as this is a part of a healthy relationship. With time, the priorities change as kids bring along baggage of responsibilities.
3. Change the routine
You have a busy routine when you work but if you happen to be a homemaker, it gets a bit difficult to kill time. A shift in the routine can be a great help. Get up early in the morning and take some exercise to keep yourself healthy and fit.
You get confident when you feel good about yourself and that certainly reflects in your behavior. It not only keeps you busy but also helps you get attention of your partner. Take up a job or get involved in social work to make the best use of your time.
4. Practice self-compassion
Do not forget that you are above everything else. You cannot expect others to value you if your do not love and value yourself. Treat yourself nice and be your best friend. It is important to have the love and support of your partner but that does not take away the fact that you are above everything else. Make new friends and confide in them if they are trustworthy.
5. Talk to your husband
If things go beyond extreme you must talk to your husband in person and make him aware of the way you feel. The discussion must not take the form of an argument since that serves no purpose.
It is more like an attempt to find a way out rather the fact that he owes an explanation. Tell him that his behavior makes you feel terribly bad and you find it hard to deal with it anymore. Most husbands always use their work life as an excuse or do not give a clear answer. However, if you are able to convey your true feeling your chances are bright.
Don’t Let His Controlling Nature Overpower You
Living with a controlling husband can be nothing worse than hell. But you can improve the condition if you are able to identify the reasons for such a behavior and try to rectify it. Here are some simple ways to deal with a controlling husband.
1. Identify the nature of your husband
Before trying to find a solution for any problem, it is utmost important to know the problem itself. You have to identify whether you are in a position where you have to stay with a controlling husband. Many women are so lost in their love or other emotions that they never realize that their husband is dominating and make them do things according to how they want them. All the decisions are made by the husband in all fields of life including the financials. Women are never given a chance to express their opinion or do things according to their wish. If you are one such woman, then it is high time to realize that you have a controlling husband and demand your share of freedom and individuality.
2. Establish good communication
The first step towards improving the condition is to establish a good line of communication. Your husband should know that this type of behavior is not acceptable by you. If you have never gathered the courage to speak to him about this, he is never going to be aware of the fact that this behavior of his is hurting you badly. And, he may feel nothing wrong about it and continue to behave in the same manner. Sometimes, your husband may not be willing to talk about his matter and show his anger too. Wait for his anger to subside and tell him that it is really important to discuss the issue for having a long-lasting relationship. If you have children around, it may be very difficult for them to cope up with such unhealthy family atmosphere.
3. Enhance your self-esteem and confidence
Women who have a controlling husband are usually considered to have low self-esteem and confidence. They are not given a chance to decide their course of action in life or even for small occasions in life. If the husband is the bread winner of the family then the wife becomes more dependent on him. If you have to deal with a controlling husband then you definitely have to improve your self-esteem and confidence levels. They will give you more courage and help you to deal with awkward situations. If you have the qualifications and skills, look out for appropriate jobs that can enhance your confidence. Improve your overall personality by developing your skills. When you are able to display your talent and other capabilities, your husband will feel confident in you. This can be a great step in improving your relationship and his behavior.
4. Identify the reasons for his behavior
Most of the husbands have a controlling nature due to some reason or the other. Some of them may be acting in such a manner because they are more worried about the safety of the relationship. Some of them feel that their wife is too weak or innocent to be able to take any decisions. Once you identify the reason behind his behavior, it may be very easy to talk to him and let him know that you have a strong personality and you are also capable of doing things like him. When he is satisfied with your personality and approach, he may give up his controlling nature and start seeking your opinion for everything. Together, you can take decisions on all the aspects of life and enjoy a happy family life together.
Act According to the Situation
1. Forget your dreams
When in a relationship with a narcissist never expect him to keep promises and be loyal to you. He may keep those promises if it is convenient. He will surely do that in the initial days of your relationship. This is done in order to develop some trust. But this is only a deception. When the moment arrives, he will surely look for every chance to cheat. He will cheat you and deceive you at the first chance. Don’t be disappointed when you find that you are betrayed. Expect it and just move on without any regret because it is completely your decision to stay with him.
2. Always remember that he is a mentally sick person
Your narcissist husband is not conventional by any measure because he tries to emotionally and mentally disturb you and seek sadistic pleasure some times. A normal person would not behave like that. Adopt a different approach towards him. Think of him as someone with irreversible mental sickness. All you need to do is think and decide if you really want to serve and treat him all your life. Usually we wish to stay on the side of our beloved ones in the cases of sickness, more importantly if it is a mental sickness. In this case it is not worth it because you will not receive any gratitude from him. If you decide to stay with him, do it for your own reasons but not because you pity him. Never pity such a person because your empathy will be usually misunderstood and wasted.
3. Don’t expect any attention, compliments, or empathy
If you don’t need any attention, compliments, or empathy at all you will be a successful person in dealing with a narcissist husband. You need to stroke his ego and satiate his narcissistic traits. He needs a person to tell him how great he is almost every minute. He hardly has any regard for your feelings and will not remember anything that is important for you. He is very ego-centric. Your husband will never change if he’s a true narcissist because it’s in his chemical makeup. It is very much impossible to keep up with all these non-senses, if you still have the patience it is great. On the other hand, if you can’t deal with him, leave him alone which is a better thing to do.
4. Show how something will be to their benefit
Showing your emotions will rarely yield results. Alternatively, tell him how he can be benefitted. If you want him to come to a family get together along with you do not tell him how it would be a nice gesture and help you rather tell him that people enjoy his company and that they like him a lot. He will surely come. If the relationship is unavoidable, use this technique to achieve your desired outcome.
Keep His Drinking Habit in Check
A narcissist husband who drinks can be even more difficult to handle. All the women who are victims of such types of men must take appropriate steps to deal with them wisely.
1. Take him to a psychiatric counseling
A narcissist husband is basically self-centered and is egoistic. These types of people cannot bear criticism to any extent. They react to it with anger and exaggerate their efficiency and talents. Narcissistic people live in a world of fantasies where they are surrounded by power and intelligence. Narcissism along with drinking is even more dangerous and intolerable. A person who is addicted to alcohol will not stop drinking on his own. The major concept behind this is that the person feels better on drinking when he tries to escape from any particular situation, for instance, workload or poverty. In turn, they tend to turn out to be cruel and rude on their wives, eventually abusing them verbally or physically. This temperament is not tolerable and needs instant action. So, these drunken self-obsessed husbands must be taken to a psychiatrist for thorough counseling. The psychiatrist can help your husband to get rid of drinking and in turn, help him lessen his egoistic attitude towards everyone.
2. Maintain a healthy environment
It is the prime duty of a wife to try and keep the environment of her house as peaceful as possible, especially when children are around. You must consult a lawyer to fight for your rights. Physical violence is not at all acceptable and hence you must raise a voice against it under any circumstance. You can ask for personal protection from the police force against your narcissist and alcoholic husband. The police will either push the husband out of the house or will take him into custody. It is just a way to make your husband realize his mistakes. This will help him move out of his narcissistic nature.
3. Maintain distance
It is practically not possible to stay far from your husband. Yet, when your husband is narcissistic, it becomes mandatory for a woman to leave her husband in isolation and not show any concern for him. This might make him mend his ways. You should discuss the problems with your husband as to why he behaves that way. This will make you aware of all the possible reasons of your husbands’ drunkenness. You should not return to your husband until he offers an apology and promise not to repeat such brutal acts again. Staying away from one’s better half is quite painful, but is for the better. It seems hard in the short term, but will be fruitful in the long run.
4. Build a strong self-respect
No woman would like to be abused physically and mentally by her spouse. It is beyond her dignity to bear such cruelty for so long. Your husband might want to have complete control over you, but you need to have your own self-respect and preserve them with full dignity. You must just ignore one’s self-obsessed husband to bring him back on track. A woman living with such a type of person hardly has any support from his side. She has to handle all things all by herself. She must not expect any kind of mental support from him at any stage of life. She has to face all the obstacles of life single-handedly. Only if a woman has the courage and determination to preserve her self-esteem, can she survive with a narcissistic and alcohol addicted husband.
The Final Option: Divorce
It is generally very difficult for a woman to bear the abusive nature of her spouse all the time. You must not show sympathy for your narcissist husband who is not worth it. This might lead to the wastage of her empathy as well as her life. The very final option which can be chosen is legal break up, i.e., divorce. It is not a very simple and easy decision for a woman. She is compelled to take such a decision when none of the above-mentioned measures work for her. After all, she cannot be wasting her entire life on a self-centered and drunken person like and bear the sufferings provided to her each day. Hence, a lawyer must be consulted for the final separation.
