How to deal with avoidance

There are some people who avoid situations, social gatherings, discussions and arguments. You may be dealing with someone who avoids you for some reasons. Try these steps to deal with such avoidance.

Know if the person is only avoiding you

If you want to deal with someone’s avoidance, then you must first notice whether the person who is ignoring you is only avoiding you or does he/she avoids other people too. If the person is only avoiding you, then you must buckle yourself up and deal with the situation. But if the person in general avoids others too, then you must strictly observe his/her behavior. See the signs such as avoidance of occupational activities, avoidance of social gatherings, unwillingness to commit or involve, preoccupation with criticism and reluctance to take personal risks may indicate an Avoidant Personality. Persons with avoidant personality tend to have feelings of inadequacy along with social inhibition and sensitivity to even minute criticism. If you observe that the other person is of avoidant personality, then you must try different ways to help him/her cope with the situation.

Stop criticizing

Do you criticize others a lot? If yes, then this might be the reason why other person is avoiding you. In general, people tend to avoid people who criticize others too much. After all, who wants to hear wrong about themselves all the time! So, you must reduce criticism or offer constructive criticism. For instance, instead of saying things like, ‘Your project is totally useless,’ say something like ‘Your project is good, but can benefit from making it better.’ This way you won’t have to use harsh words and the other person won’t avoid you. Similarly, you must also appreciate the other person. This will make the other person feel wanted and cared about. Remember, if a person or a group is avoiding you, then it is you who must make some simple changes to gain acceptance, otherwise you might be isolated.

Ask for forgiveness

Is your loved one avoiding you? Is your husband or wife not talking to you for some unknown reason? If yes, then you must ask for forgiveness. Saying sorry for some reason won’t let you down. So, if you want to deal with avoidance, then you must make things right. You can buy a card saying sorry for anything wrong that you have done, or you must at least text the other person asking for forgiveness. Request the person to talk to you so that you can resolve your issues. If the person agrees then you must discuss your issues. But avoid being harsh or defensive. Let the other person discuss his/her grievances and reply in polite manner. If you feel that their avoidance is over something that you haven’t really done, then you must put forward your opinion in a straight but simple manner. Don’t accuse the other person if you want to deal with avoidance. Communication through various means like a card, e-mail, text or even flowers can help you a lot.

Love and respect the person

If the person who is avoiding you has an avoidant personality, then you must deal the solution with a simple trick. This trick is the use of love, warmth and affection. People with avoidant personalities tend to have commitment problems and they generally are scared of forming bond with others. This is because they feel judged and think that they are socially inept. To deal with their avoidance, you must show unconditional positive regard for the person. You can support him/her to establish a positive social support system. Once you have developed a warm relationship with this person, you can help him/her deal with social avoidance and motivate them to have better occupational functioning by appreciating their work and politely explaining to them that all the criticism is not negative. This way you deal with avoidance.

Seek professional intervention

If your spouse or your partner is avoiding you and all your attempts to reconcile and end the differences have failed, then you must seek professional intervention. You can go to a counselor or therapist where you can discuss your issues and sort your troubles. For an individual who has avoidant personality, you can motivate him/her to join therapy sessions that can help him/her to deal with shyness and avoidance attributes. Such professional intervention can not only help you deal with all the avoidance, but it can also help you and the other person have a better living and growing opportunities. So, don’t shy away, deal with the situation.

Dr Prem Jagyasi (c)

Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.

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