“If you see an asshole in the morning, you saw an asshole in the morning. If you see assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
Below are a list of the characteristics that are commonly attributed to assholes. If you show one or more of these characteristics, don’t worry too much about it, we all do.
What do assholes do?
1. Interrupt People When They Are Talking
They jump in, don’t let you get a word in, and always have something to say about everything. If you have an interesting story, they have an even better one. Have something to say? No. Have an opinion? Well its wrong before you’ve even finished explaining it and they’ll tell you why you’re wrong in great detail.
Asshole Solution: Crucial Conversations
2. Make Terrible/Inappropriate Jokes
Their opinion of foreigners leaves you squirming and their foul mouth adds to your feeling of revulsion. Its not funny to make fun of people from other countries all of the time and that potty mouth should have been left in your teens. Assholes have a tendency to be funny but at times can find themselves making the odd inappropriate joke that leaves the whole room stunned in silence.
Asshole Solution: 101 Best Jokes
3. They Lie
We all know when they’re lying about their most recent accomplishment or when they tell you a crazy ‘fisherman’ story. As entertaining as they can be, you know they’re lying about the number of partners they have had, the amount of money they have, and how successful their businesses have been. Just the fact that they’re talking about these things makes them an asshole but because they’re lying, their even more of an asshole.
Asshole Solution: Radical Honesty
4. They Touch You Too Much
Assholes can be overly touchy. They will slap your back, bear hug you, hold your hand for too long after a hand shake, soft punch you constantly or all of these. The awkwardness causes you physical discomfort everytime.
5. They One Up You
Every accomplishment has been outdone by an asshole somewhere, and they’ll tell you as soon as they can. They “one up” every story to appear more accomplished, but instead they come across as extremely ass-holish.
Asshole Solution: Humility: True Greatness
6. They Help Themselves
Is there one donut left in the box? The asshole will eat it, and make a point of it too. Is there a bit of milk left? The asshole will finish it and leave the empty carton in the fridge. If an asshole wants something, they’ll take it. The desires of other people are never of any concern to an asshole.
7. They Don’t Pay Their Share
They never reach for their wallets when you’re in a group, and if they haven’t disappeared into the bathroom, they didn’t bring enough cash. If you ever buy something for an asshole, don’t expect to get anything in return.
8. They Wear Too Much Cologne
You can smell them well before you can see them, and that is not a good thing. Its intoxicating enough for you to notice it in mid conversation, and become so overcome that you can’t concentrate. Its too strong, and you can still smell their bad body odor underneath.
9. They Are Two Faced
You never know where you stand when it comes to an asshole. They are living in a self centered world and any opportunity they find to stab you in the back, they’ll take. They don’t understand loyalty and because of that
10. They Don’t Care About Your Life
No matter how many times you’ve told them about your family, they will never remember how many kids you have or whether you have any at all. It took them 6 months to remember your name and they still don’t pronounce it right so you can’t expect an asshole to remember anything else you tell them. They only remember what will help them, and your personal life is of no use to them.
Asshole Solution: How To Win Friends and Influence People