As they say “The man who trims himself to suit everybody will soon whittle himself away”. It could be considered being socially polite and nice when a person goes the extra mile at times to please other people. If it is happening too often and every time then it is a cause for concern.
Signs of Being a People Pleaser
Going out of the way to please everybody all the time does at the end of the day affect the personality of the person doing it. Though it makes a good impression on the other person when the priority is to please others all the time the person doing it is no longer his/her real self. If you have the below-mentioned warning signs then you surely are the people pleaser :
- Being Submissive in relationships and letting the other person take control of the relationship while you be a weakling.
- When you avoid speaking your mind.
- Finding it difficult to say no.
- Difficulty expressing your desires and opinions for the fear of contradiction.
The Downsides of Being a People Pleaser
It is always difficult to keep everyone around you happy. The people who do not hesitate to put their own happiness at stake for the sake of pleasing others always depend upon others for their happiness, a habit that eventually backfires. No doubt, you must take care of the feeling of others and try to arrive at a mutual agreement but those people who sacrifice their own happiness simply to please others fail to live up to their own expectations.
1. You let others take advantage of you
The bad habit to please everyone around you may at times give you a feeling that you are a good human being. However, psychologists believe that most people pleasers end up in the middle of nowhere. They tend to let others take advantage of them, which eventually take their lives in an altogether different direction. Those who always let others rule them or live with the choices others make for them eventually start feeling neglected and unwanted. People around them start taking them for granted which makes this feeling even worse.
2. People-pleasing tendency never let you reach your true happiness
You can never be truly happy until you give a voice to your own opinion and learn to make your own choices. It is often difficult at an initial stage especially if you have spent quite a while being a people pleaser. It is important that you always keep yourself on top of your priority list, as you are responsible for your happiness. No one but you have to make a decision for yourself and live with the consequences.
3. Kills Individuality
Everybody has different expectations from you, trying to accommodate everyone all the time is not only not feasible but can also be quite crazy. It leads to undue stress to the person doing it.
Personality is defined by what other people perceive of you as an individual while individuality is your real self, what remains when the personality is taken away is the individual.
Pleasing all the time kills individualism and the person is bound to whittle himself away.
4. You Spoil Others
You may think that if you please everybody you are compassionate and have their best interests at heart. While in reality, you could be spoiling these people by giving them what is actually not good for them.
Always being the pleased one tends to lose autonomy and get controlled. There could be a mixed feeling of pleasing and being resentful at the same time. After a while, the resentful bag of emotions could weigh heavily and you could explode leaving the other person very confused.
Reasons for Being a People Pleaser
There are a number of reasons as to why people get into it:
- It could be upbringing from your parents, your culture, the society, or peers or due to a poor financial condition
- Low self-esteem carried on from early childhood. You feel you are not worthy enough to get what you want.
- People-pleasing stems from the belief that other people’s happiness is more important than one’s own, this notion are deeply grounded in the inferiority complex.
- People pleasers are actually attention seekers who need other peoples approval all the time and are low on self-confidence
- You may have been conditioned to please to get love and attention in return.
- You could be saving yourself from a verbal attack from the other person.
- There are people who go out of their way because they can’t say no.
- Then there are those who please other people in the hope of getting the same treatment back.
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Why Stop Being a People Pleaser
One must stop trying to please others since you always have to sacrifice your own happiness for the sake of others. Set your priorities right and keep your own happiness on top of your list. When you are happy, you love all others around you and love to give more, which helps you make good relationships.
1. It’s your choice
You must realize the fact that it is your own choice to give first preference to your own needs or the requirements of others. Choose your own happiness over the happiness of other people since it helps you turn into a better person. It sounds good to be a people pleaser but it is not a hypothetical situation. You can never keep everyone happy no matter how hard you try. Above all self-negligence instigates negativity that may take your life in a different direction.
2. It hardly matters
When you say no in a polite manner, it does not hurt the feelings of the other person. Along with everything else it saves you a lot of time and effort which you can easily invest somewhere else. The world does not fall apart and it does not matter, as people tend to forget with time. When you find yourself uncomfortable with the whole idea of it and know that it may affect your own happiness then you must turn people down politely. It feels liberating. Stick by your words once you have made up your mind.
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
It is possible to cooperate with people and doing things their way and still retain your individuality. There is a fine line between people-pleasing and cooperation. The crux of the matter is to know where to draw the line and be your real self.
1. Don’t hold yourself back
If you do not share your opinion with others around you, they would never get to know about it. Learn to give voice to your thoughts, as you are a unique individual with different needs and requirements. It is not necessary to be stubborn with your choice but share your own thoughts. No one can read your mind; learn to respect your own individual opinion. It helps you gain self-confidence that further paves way for success.
2. Analyze your fears
You may have a fear of rejection but it is only baseless. Those who truly love you would only be happy seeing you giving importance to your happiness. A true friend or a loved one can understand that you have your own set of priorities. They love you the way you really are. Most of your fears instigate in your own brain and never turn into reality.
3. Take good care of your self
Make time to take good care of yourself. Get a new outfit for yourself, trim your hair, and appreciate yourself when you look into the mirror. Fall in love with yourself to love all others around you. When you value yourself, people value you even more. Keep a smile on your face and spend some time alone on a regular basis as it helps you get to know yourself even better.
4. Live by your values
You can never be happy and content if you do not give importance to your own values in life. Your loved ones and well-wishers always want you to give a direction to your life. You can hardly do that if you please others even at the cost of your happiness. Learn to give importance to your own values in life and live by those principles no matter what. Do not compromise with your ethics in life as they help you stay focused and give you a sense of self-respect.
5. Break free from the shackles of pleasing others
One must realize the fact that pleasing others at the cost of your own happiness land you in the middle of nowhere. Moreover, after a while, they start taking you for granted which starts annoying you and make it even worse. Here are a few tips to get rid of the bad habit of pleasing others around you:
6. Set your priorities right
It is very important to prioritize in terms of whose expectations to fulfill and not go beyond a certain limit. One would do well by pleasing immediate family and at the same time must not leave one feeling unduly stressed and overwhelmed. Then come the bosses, the peers, and relatives in your of preference depending on what is more important to you. Is it your friends? Your family? Your career? You decide.
You must have a clear idea about your own priorities so that you can plan your life accordingly. You must learn to say no to others if you have plans to invest time to do something that takes you close to your goals in life. Give importance to your opinion also as it helps you gain confidence and takes you a long way in life. Don’t get involved in things that hardly contribute to your success.
7. You have the power to choose
Remember, the kind of choices you make describe you at the end of the day. Winners are always very particular about their choices since they know that the choices they make play an important role in their success or failure. One has to be careful in this regard, as life is what you make it.
8. Time frame your tasks
Set a time limit for things you do on a daily basis so that you can manage your time in an effective manner. Once you make it a part of your life your friends and loved ones would certainly start respecting the fact. Psychologists believe that when you don’t give importance to yourself people around you try to follow the same rule and they condition themselves accordingly. However, you must treat yourself right if you wish others to be nice to you.
9. Don’t try to justify yourself
Even when people collect the strength to say not to the others they usually come up with countless excuses, which give a reason to the other person to convince them somehow. You must understand that you do not need to explain or justify your behavior pattern since it is your life and you have the right to live it your way.
The desire to get approval and acceptance from others may turn you into a people pleaser, which eventually backfires, and take your life in the wrong direction. One must get r
10. Keep your Personality Intact
Altering your personality to suit others will make you lose your individuality. You may appear more appealing on the exterior in terms of personality. Persona is something that can be imitated while individuality remains intact and cannot be copied. Personality is ruled by outer forces and is fearful of criticism and can be selfish. A personality can be intimidated while an individual is fearless. An individual is capable of appreciating and at the same time is appreciated by others. The key is to be an individual, who respects himself or herself as much as others.
11. Say No
One has to learn to say no with conviction and not get carried away with the strong undercurrent of other people’s ideas and behavior. It would be a good idea to analyze if people are taking undue advantage of you. If yes, stop right there! Be assertive and put across your point of view amicably without offending the other person.
12. Respect Yourself
This attitude of self-neglect indicates that to make others happy you should first look after your own needs. Only then are you truly capable of looking after someone else?
If you have high self-esteem then what others think of you won’t be as important. It is important to respect oneself in order to earn someone else’s respect.
In a Nutshell
People-pleasing now and then with a motive is OK. If you are doing It all the time just to fit in then you are a chronic people pleaser and you are letting go of more valuable principles in life.
People pleasers are too busy pleasing people and take their close loved ones for granted. In the process, the people pleaser is whittling away because he is no longer a genuinely warm person, his real self
You may decide to wear a certain dress or get a certain hairstyle to please someone else but there will always be someone else who doesn’t like it. So, remember everybody will not have the same point of view or opinion.
Believe it or not! You will be appreciated and value for the real, genuine person who stands out and gets the respect and love he or she so much deserves.
So, love yourself and do not care about what people think of you. Your happiness is your own responsibility and it has to be your priority too. Those who love and admire you would only appreciate the idea.
