Narcissism is often present right under the nose, and yet we fail to see it. You will usually not detect a narcissistic behavior until it is too late. So, what can you do when the very person you are heads over heels for, reveals himself to be the biggest narcissist in your life? Having a narcissistic boyfriend may lead you to depression because you will always keep longing for their attention and will never get it. The following are a few ways which will help you deal with a narcissistic boyfriend.
Read the signs to deal with a narcissistic boyfriend
The first step to dealing with a narcissistic boyfriend is to first make sure that your suspicion is right. You can find a solution to it only when you are sure of what the problem is and how deep does it run. Notice the behavior of your partner; do not be very critical but observe him carefully. If you see that your achievements are being ignored by him while he keeps harping about his own talents, then it’s time to take some action. Try to understand what makes them behave this way; it could be their way of countering their inferiority complex or low self-esteem which makes them brag. Be kind and gracious towards your partner because most of the time they do not realize what they are doing. Observing him carefully will render you capable of finding a solution to it.
Communicate – one of the best ways to deal with a narcissistic boyfriend
This is the foremost step that if you take, will help you in saving your relationship. You are obviously distraught and hurt that your partner is not paying attention to you; hence do not try to hide it. Don’t be afraid to say what you want, else your partner will never realize that they are the cause of your problem. It will further irritate and annoy them to find you in the same bad mood always and this will trigger extreme reactions.
You do not have to very rude and straight forward in your complaint, rather try to be a little diplomatic. Always use a gentle polite tone and never be accusatory, else your partner will feel that you are making allegations against them. It is in your best interest that you keep expressing your feelings gradually than unloading the whole bulk on them when you can’t take it anymore. This will neither help your boyfriend nor you and will bring your long relationship to a grinding halt.
When you deal with a narcissistic boyfriend, remember that your partner is obsessed with himself and you feel that you have got a tough job at hand, but spare a thought for your boyfriend too. It is obvious that if you are finding it hard to stay by them, other people might detest him too. It then becomes your duty and responsibility to ensure that your boyfriend does not get boycotted socially, to stay with him as a friend.
To be constantly thinking about themselves is not their choice but a mental state that they cannot come out of. Talk to them about this freely, without any bitter feelings and be patient, do not expect too much improvement early on. Help them to fathom the source behind this kind of behavior and try to cheer them up to keep their morale high. Take them to a counselor if necessary to make sure that they treat their problem in the best possible manner; do not leave it on your boyfriend to sort out this mess. You are in love with a person who is in love with himself more than you; it will hurt obviously, but try to look beyond this agony and things will start to look better soon.
Another aspect of dealing with a narcissistic boyfriend is to take care of yourself because you are fending for yourself out there. Your boyfriend is too busy caring about himself and that leaves you all alone and without any source of love and care. You must learn how to cope up with this in a peaceful manner; nagging your boyfriend repeatedly will make the matters worse. You must be mature and curb down your demands to a certain extent and avoid arguing with them for the same problem again and again.
Do not allow your feelings to drift away from them, which is probable in cases where you are devoid of any love and care. Take counseling and keep your mind stable or you may start suffering from low self-esteem and fear of assertiveness which is common in such cases. You must realize that you cannot afford to fall into pieces in such a condition and therefore must keep hanging on until you feel that you are fighting for a lost cause.
Break up or take a short break
If you are extremely irritated and always remain in a temper because of a boyfriend who is obsessed with himself, it is wise to break up rather than deal with a narcissistic boyfriend. If you feel that you cannot move on without this person and have to stick to him, then just take a small break in the relationship. It will allow you both to see where you stand and is an infinitely better option than arguing regularly.
Decide a limit
A narcissist is a self-centered individual. His/her requirements are paramount. You must always remember that a narcissist’s demands never end. He/she is insensitive to the needs and feelings of his/her partner. Narcissists also tend to insult or abuse their partners in public. To prevent this from occurring, you have to set boundaries to his/her actions. You will have to distinguish your partner’s genuine needs from the deviated ones. Then impose strict limits on which demands you are willing to accept. Once you decide the limits, make sure that you do not deviate. Narcissists are good at reading people. They are generally good manipulators and can use every trick to change your mind. In the process, never try to prove him/her wrong, as it might cause a sudden outburst of anger.
Take advice from close friends before taking this step and also talk to your partner about it. Be sure that it is mutual and none of you is just agreeing to it for the sake of the other. Do not be bitter about it and never gossip about your partner’s shortcomings after you have broken up. Enjoy your life to the fullest and stay with your boyfriend just as a friend, because they certainly will need you.