A great relationship with a mother-in-law is experienced only by a lucky few. Most of the mothers-in-law tend to act tough and dominating, making life difficult for everyone. Here are a few tips on how you can deal with a difficult mother-in-law.
Analyze her personality
As soon as you are introduced to your mother-in-law, be very cordial, size her up and analyze her personality. Every individual shows different traits and think of your mother-in-law as an individual. When you see her from a detached view, you can appreciate her likes, dislikes and habits. This will prepare you so as not to rub her the wrong way at the very outset. Most of the mothers-in-law are initially hostile towards their daughter-in-law or son-in-law, simply because they are averse to change. Accepting a new person in the family, who may take away her rights make her look at you with a certain amount of hostility. You can win her over gradually by accepting her ways of doing things, when she is around.
Adapt to her ways
Women are less prone to change themselves and more so as they grow older. So, rather than expecting her to do things your way, you can meet her halfway and adapt to her way of doing things. This is especially true regarding cooking, cleaning and bringing up kids. You need to remember that she too was a daughter-in-law at one point in time. Once you win her over, she will become flexible enough to allow you to handle situations on your own. But, if you bluntly refuse to agree with her point of view, things may become worse. So, to win her over, you need to initially adapt to her ways.
Take help from your spouse and kids
Your spouse can be of great assistance in dealing with your mother-in-law. You can ask him or her about your mother-in-law’s likes and dislikes. You can then go on an extra step to please her by doing what she likes. If you feel she may not like your suggestions, you can convey the same through your spouse. A woman is always more accommodating as a mother than a mother-in-law. If you do not agree with some of her ways, you can tactfully put it across through your spouse and you are sure to get positive results. You can even put your kids in front and get your way, since a grandmother instantly melts when her grand children ask her for something.
Win her over
Winning your mother-in-law over, requires a lot of patience, understanding and tact from your side. It is no cake walk to win her over. You may have to work slowly but sincerely to make her understand that you too are now a part of the family and she needs to give you enough space. When she begins to see things from your perspective, she will surely extend a friendly hand towards you. She may even fill your mother’s shoes at times, once she accepts you as an integral part of her family.It is only when you try to take over the reins, disagreeing with everything she says, that she may turn a tad hostile towards you. Therefore, make some extra effort from your side to win her confidence and support and she will stand by you like rock. In fact, she mat even support you in times when you have a disagreement with your spouse.
Retain your individuality
Adapting to your mother-in-law does not mean you lose your identity. You need to show that you have your own ideals and principles and you will not compromise over these. However, this has to be done in a quiet and firm manner with no high-handedness. Your mother-in-law may initially crib about this, but gradually she will begin to admire you for your strong-willed nature.It may take you a while to understand her and her controlling ways. Once you do, plan a strategy, discuss it with your spouse and subtly convey the message that you cannot be dominated all the time. You need to make sure that you do not strain relations with your spouse and his or her family while doing so. Be careful not to be harsh or disrespectful towards your mother-in-law.
Dealing with a difficult mother-in-law not only requires time and patience, but it also needs a certain amount of tact and smartness to bring her over to your way of thinking.
