Deal With Anger Issues in Teenagers
Dealing with anger among teenagers can turn up critical if not handled well and with appropriate amount of patience. Since it is a stage of storm and stress, getting annoyed or reciprocating harshly can be common features among the teens around you. It is thus necessary to process apt modes of emotions in attaining well-balanced solutions.
1. Do not panic; try to manage their anger
To deal with anger in teenagers, the foremost thing is to deal with your personal base of anger and to leave all those aspects that can get to panic. It gets necessary to understand that some teens can well repress anger and can easily withdraw from the same, whereas others can get defiant and eventually can destroy their own property. You must try to manage with their anger well and need to support your mental status while dealing with this trouble in teenagers. It is almost impossible to deal with the anger in teenagers if you remain restless and flow away from your anger on them. Manage the anger in teens in a positive way and resolve it in the best possible way.
2. Never get personalized with their utterances
It is wrong to feel bad about the abuses made by teenagers. It gets more important to make them feel sorry about their ill behavior than to reciprocate them in the same abusive manner. In case you personalize their behavior and revert arrogantly to the same, the anger in the teen can turn hostile by making the situation go wrong in the worst possible way. Most of the teenagers use abusive words or gestures to avoid the situation and show their anger; they actually do not mean the same. To deal with such a situation, try to act calm and remind him/her about the same when the situation turns normal. Make him/her realize that how you got hurt by such abusive expressions. Your task is to make the teenager feel wrong about his/her act and prevent him/her from repeating the same in the future.
3. Get composed and maintain patience
It is always necessary to leave the situation as the anger in the teen starts mounting. This assists in regaining control over respective emotions. Always get composed in replying to the angry teen and attain the same by taking deep breaths. You can wash your face or can take a bath to avoid the anger in you and try to get away from the respective cause of anger. As you calm down yourself, the anger in the teen will appear nominal to you and you will attain enough patience to deal with the same. As the anger in teenagers is marked as secondary emotion led through troubles like depression, abuse, anxiety, alcohol, grief, or some emotional trauma; you need to resolve the same with more patience.
4. Deal with the so-called macho image in teenagers
Many teenagers show anger to represent their identity, space, or the instinct of macho in them. This is a very common feature. As many teenagers think that through the expression of anger they can make people scared of them, they start considering it as a part of their lifestyle. They feel good as people avoid messing up with them. This can create room for the unnecessary ego that can harm them in the long run. To deal with such a situation, you must try to get into the ego of the teen and must make him/her feel that he/she is not the only one who exists on earth. You must make him realize that it is not through anger but through good behavior that one can make space in society. The teenager must understand that to attain a good reputation and position in society, it is more necessary to follow respectable means than to show off unnecessary anger.
5. Help the teenagers to open up by talks than acting out
Anger is the result of complications among teenagers. They usually get confused in terms of opening up. To make them feel comfortable, you need to discuss things that you have experienced in life. The instances when you got frustrated and hurt. It gets necessary to share your mistakes, fears, weaknesses, and above all the feeling of inadequacy. You must discuss and explain the ways through which you have overcome such situations. Time to time discussions on such issues helps the teenager to opt for more structured means in dealing with his/her complications s rather than showing or expressing it through anger. Preventions followed to avoid anger is the best possible means to handle it. However, it is also important to consider anger as positive and resolve it through proper discussions.
What if this anger turns into an abusive nature?
Abusive teenagers raise a question on your upbringing, putting your values and teachings in doubt and highlighting your failure in inculcating the right principles and values in your child. Necessary steps should be taken at the right hour to check on such uncouth behavior.
1. Counsel your child for positive results
It is very normal and obvious for your child to pinpoint your ways of bringing him and holding you responsible for his actions. Do not let your teen make you feel guilty and responsible for his behavior and the kind of person that he is. It is just a way your teen adopts to camouflage his weaknesses, making you feel ashamed, instead of realizing his own mistake. Despite repeated efforts by your child, do not give in to the problem by feeling devastated and feeling responsible and guilty, instead seek help and properly counsel your child to enable him to fight the problem and come out with flying colors.
Although it might be a tough test on your patience and endurance level, do not lose control over yourself, instead of handle the situation by behaving maturely and setting in the right counseling required so as to help your teen to overcome this nasty habit. However, if the situation worsens, there are other methods of dealing with the crisis like proper medication, drug or alcohol testing, mediation, and so on, depending on the gravity of the problem.
2. Unity among parents is very important
The first and foremost step to be taken, to deal with an abusive teen, is to be united with your spouse and stand together to fight against it. No matter for whom the abuse is used, both parents have to show a brave and strong revolting front, in front of their child to drill in his mind that such behavior would not be accepted at any cost. Never make the mistake of blaming each other in front of your teen, this will make him take advantage of your difference in opinion and revert back in an adverse manner. A good idea would be to involve in anger management through trained personnel which can help you and your teen to fight the situation in a better and more composed manner.
3. Consequences for bad behavior
Whenever your teen abuses you, in public or otherwise, do not just let it go by simply sliding it in a corner. This will make him take things for granted and an easy way out to walk all over you as per his whims and fancies. Instead, he should be made to realize that for any undesired and ill-mannered behavior of his, he, solely, would be held responsible and would have to face the consequences thereafter. Holding him accountable and answerable for his bad behavior will make him understand the depth of the problem with the course of time. However, if the situation worsens, you can even indulge in providing proper medication and drugs, depending on the intensity of the problem.
4. Do not fall into the do-so-I-say-not-as-I-do trap
A disrespectful and disobeying teenager can shamelessly revert back with abusive language and offending as well as intolerable behavior if repeatedly checked on what to do and what not to do. He would not hesitate in calling you a hypocrite if asked not to smoke, especially when you yourself might be one of its victims. So, you should never get into the trap of a do-as-I-say situation to deal with such difficult teens. They generally try to adapt what they observe, so the best way, instead, is to restrict yourself and refrain from setting a negative image of you in front of your child and never show your supremacy of being his parent, rather handle him in a friendly and relaxed approach.
5. Know when to get professional help
Understanding to deal with a problem effectively can ensure solving the problem to quite an extent. Once you realize the negative side of your teen’s behavior, do not fool yourself by denying it. Get into action to solve it by learning the right way to handle it through professional help. Opting for proper counseling, medication, and alcohol testing at advanced rehabilitation centers, in case of extremely worsened situations, can completely cure the problem. So, do not sit back and wait for a solution or some magic to take place, to resolve the issue, try and understand the gravity of the situation and act accordingly to ensure a better future to convert your teen into a better human being.
Dealing with the teen’s difficult nature
At some time or the other, almost every parent has to deal with their difficult teenager. Parents have a great task to manage their teens, communicating with them, and securing their future. Here are some ways and tips to deal with a difficult teenager.
1. Keep the lines of communication open
Yelling on your children or bossing over them and making them do things forcefully will not yield results and will only make matters worse. Communicate with your teen constantly. Make sure that every day you have just a little chat with them about anything, even if you only talk for 5 minutes. Talk to them about sensitive issues like sex, drugs, dating, etc. They will surely appreciate it and will be happy that you helped them out. Improve your communication skills with your teen. The better that you get at articulating whatâs going on with them, the easier it’s going to be to deal with difficult teenagers.
Discuss issues with them. Whenever they are causing a problem, tell them their behavior is causing a problem for you. Make them understand but do not yell over them. Reward them every time they behave well. Positive reinforcements will help them change their attitude and they will gradually learn from their mistakes.
2. Set boundaries
Setting boundaries for your teens is very important. Though teens always rebel against boundaries, yet without them, they will feel lost, and chances for their behavior getting worse increases. Set boundaries for things like, what time they should get back home, attending parties, taking extra shifts at work, sneaking out of the house, wagging school, etc. Without setting boundaries controlling their behavior will become impossible. Punish them if they do not respect the boundaries you have set, but at the same time reward them too if they obey them. Do not be too harsh while setting boundaries, as this might have a negative effect and the teen might totally refuse to follow then.
Once you’ve set boundaries stick to them!! If you let go or too easy on them then they will never listen to you and take you for granted. As they grow or if they seem to behave better change their boundaries and try to adapt to them.
3. Try to understand your teenager’s world
To you being a teenager might not be difficult and stressful but for them, it is surely difficult. They go through a lot at this stage and are confused about what is happening to them. Their bodies are changing, hormones drive them crazy, peer pressure, studies, part-time job, etc. All these have an effect on their behavior. So, try to understand them. Every parent has also passed this stage so try to get into their shoes and understand them. Try to learn from them what are they interested in, what are their future plans. Build a good rapport with them. Do, things together so that your teen starts to identify themselves with you and believe that you are always ready to help them in times of need. This way you can have a better understanding of them and also they will turn up to you the next time they need help because they will realize you are ready to help them.
4. Give your teen responsibility
Instead of getting into heated arguments with your teen, about the way they deal with the matters, give them a chance to deal it their way. Allow your teen to make decisions on matters you know they can handle. However, assure them that you are ready to help whenever they ask for it. Allowing them to handle things gives them a sense of responsibility and also they feel that you respect their individuality.
Assign them tasks to let them do it their way. They might approach the task in a different way apart from yours but give them a chance to experiment. This will boost confidence in them and help them realize that you really do believe in them. Giving them responsibility helps them grow up with confidence and they shall emerge as responsible, independent individuals.
5. Have a system of rules and discipline
Have a set of rules and a system of discipline. Parents first need to set a list of rules they want their teens to follow. These rules need to be appropriate. Tell your teens to follow these sets of rules or else they will be punished (or you can also try an alternative approach). Be calm but firm. Make your kids realize that they will be punished for infringing the rules. Reward them every time they follow the rules as much as you punish them whenever they break them. This way they will surely cope up with you.
