How to deal with a selfish boyfriend

Selfish boyfriend are those who thinks only about themselves. These guys may not have displayed any selfish signals in the initial period. These things come out in the open gradually and unfortunately by that time the girl is so captivated by the boy that everything looks happy and sparkly. Here are some ways to deal with a selfish boyfriend.

How to deal with a selfish boyfriend

1. Always keep some space for yourself

Some boyfriends tend to enter your private space and demand rights, saying they love you and need to know everything about you. This should not be done. You need to give them their private space and keep yours too. Keep your life going when you are not with him and hence that would pass on the signal that both of you have a life besides being with each other. This will make the message clear and your boyfriend would never try to invade your privacy when you don’t want him to.

 

2. Communication

Communication is the key to all issues and you should have good communication rapport with your boyfriend. You can tell him about your concerns and likes and ask him about his choices. When two individuals share their feelings, not only does the love increase but so does the respect for each other. He would be able to understand you much better when you tell him what you feel about different situations and events.

 

3. Set your rules straight

Some boyfriends take their girlfriends for granted. They feel that if they ask her to do something, she will do it like a slave. This should not be the case. Set your rules straight in a decent way. Explain to him that you love him but you are not his servant. You can avoid physical contact if you do not like it and tell him so. You can speak to him about what you like and don’t like and ask him to respect your feelings. If he really loves you he will do so.

 

4. Confront him

You have to confront your boyfriend in order to deal with his selfishness. He has to know that the way he acts is just not right. Of course, there will be strong opposition from his side. In fact, he will deny it outrightly but do not fret over it too much. If you do not tell him how you really feel about his selfish and egotistical attitude, he will never be able to rectify it. It is perfectly alright if he threatens to leave or even walks out of the door. He will most probably come back to you very soon. You cannot assume such a habit to go away in a jiffy. The boyfriend has to ponder over what all you have told him. It is going to be something like a self-revelation to him. He might and might not take it very pleasantly. But at least you can breathe easy now that you have dealt with the situation in a sensible manner.

 

5. Cease to give that extra attention

You may not know this but you might be equally responsible for your boyfriend’s selfish behavior. The preliminary stage of any relationship is all lovey. You like to mollycoddle your boyfriend without knowing that you are creating a beast. Once he is accustomed to expecting specific favors from you, it’s going to be difficult for you to stop indulging him. So you become responsible for making your boyfriend selfish. Now it is time to stop all that exclusive attention that you gave him before. So the next time he orders you to fetch him that bottle of beer or change the channel, say no right away. You do not have to rebuff him offensively. You can do it in a very lighthearted manner. But you have to make it clear that from here onwards you will be sharing decisions concerning all things in life. If your boyfriend objects too aggressively, it is time for him to say goodbye.

 

6. Give your boyfriend some space

You may be dating the most lovable person on earth, yet dealing with his frequent outbursts of anger is never easy. So whenever your boyfriend flies into a rage, give him some space to cool down. Crowding him is probably the last thing you would want. It should be remembered that all an angry person wants is to have a little space for his or her vents. He wouldn’t certainly appreciate having another person around who tells him to calm down. The most common mistake that women make in dealing with an angry boyfriend comes too close for comfort. In a majority of cases, by doing so you would end up hurting yourself. Once your boyfriend has enough time to vent, he will automatically come back rejuvenated, and relaxed. Hence, not doing anything is probably the best thing that you can do. Just leave your boyfriend alone and he will go back to his usual jovial self in no time at all.

 

7. Be assertive

Changing an explosive boyfriend is one of the most difficult tasks on earth. You need to assert yourself constantly. Be sure to make your desires and needs to be known. Additionally, it is also important that you start putting forth requests, demands, learn to say no, and complain about his treatment with you in certain situations. Moreover, girls should also avoid physical intimacy with the person if he refuses to mend his ways. However, it is important not to sound rude as you do so. In a calm manner, keep highlighting your rights and the things you need until the boyfriend decides to take you seriously.

Be firm in voicing your demands to the angry boyfriend. A clear, strong, and firm voice will sound very different from a soft, monotonous, pleading, or weak voice. However, repeating will not get you anywhere. A majority of people can’t make their wishes come true simply because they choose to give up after a point. It is more about being persistent and determined. Concentrate on issues that matter to you. Do not, for once, let the person alter the course of conversation or argue about different issues.

 

8. Divert his attention into constructive activities

Every person has some hobbies and your friend is supposedly not an exception either. Hence, it would be an excellent idea to get the anger transferred into something constructive. With his mind active and engaged, the person will find little time for petty things that trigger bouts of anger in him. He is sure to feel better with some engagements. When it comes to sporting activities, boys are always game. Therefore, try and divert his attention through outdoor games like basketball, baseball, or kickboxing. These are some of the examples worth considering. In dealing with anger, it is important for the person to realize the true meaning of anger. It is nothing but an emotion that reflects our inner upheavals. The person in question may be hurt, confused, or frustrated about certain things. Together the emotions give rise to anger and resentment.

 

10. Live life on your own terms

Incidences like this can really act as big dampeners. It is very difficult to handle such tricky situations. But you have to forget such issues or else they will make your life miserable. Live your life on your terms. Take proper care of yourself and your family. You can even think that you are living without him. Bring in your own money, accumulate your own savings, and pay your own bills, etc. In other words, take control of everything and look after your home. Your boyfriend will have more respect for you once he realizes how strong and self-sufficient you are. The desire to make you happy will definitely make him become less selfish and irresponsible. You cannot forgo your individuality just for the sake of a relationship that does not exist on mutual understanding and sharing. It will become too claustrophobic for you.

 

11. Look for mutual interests

If your boyfriend is not too much of an egotistical brute, you can always keep your eyes open for common hobbies. Indulge in activities you take pleasure in doing together. Maybe you will have to compromise a little bit; it is only a little thing to give up in order to save your relationship. There might be somethings which will fascinate him. You might not like it too much but you can at least put up with it. It will work like a therapy for him and if it works, he will obviously notice your behavior. He might even start compromising as well and become less self-centered. Half the battle is won even if you can attempt to do this a little bit. Try doing things which both of you enjoyed doing before. You must have done some crazy lovey stuff at the onset of your relationship. Forget about now and take a time machine back into the past. It will definitely spice up your life.

 

12. Let go the hard feelings

Sometimes certain things are just not meant to happen. Give your best shot to bail out your relationship. If everything else fails, talk it out with a professional counselor. They do have solutions for such kind of behavioral pattern. Egotistical attitude is a studied characteristic and it can be eradicated with the help of professional therapy. But if your boyfriend does not change a bit and remains as stubbornly selfish as ever, it is time for you to move on. Be thankful to God that you got to know about this trait before you both got married to each other. It would have become such a terrible mess. Maybe you have someone much better in store for you. This will hurt for some time but it is like an eye-opener for you. So, let go and look forward to a brighter future.

 

13. Establish problem-solving sessions

If you really wish to avoid those angry arguments, then try and establish problem-solving sessions on a frequent basis. A majority of couples can do pretty well with just one session in a week. Others, however, may need them more frequently or less often. In doing so, select a time when neither of you is feeling tired. The chosen time frame should be devoted exclusively to the problem-solving session with little or no distractions whatsoever. It is important for both parties to accept criticism. Note down the agreements, if any, so that you can avoid arguments over the terms later on. If, despite the effort, you are still not able to find a proper solution, then make contracts where one improvement will be traded for another.

While holding a particularly sensitive problem-solving session, it is important to hear each other out. You must take turns in listening as the other person explains his viewpoints and feelings in detail. Don’t criticize or reprimand your boyfriend as he pours himself out. Ask questions only when you feel that a certain point needs to be clarified.

 

Final Words

Every teenage girl wishes she has a boyfriend. A friend who will take her out for dates, be with her in her happiness and sorrow, and someone special who she can love and probably live with for the rest of her life. However, all boyfriends are not like this, and dealing with them needs planning.

Every relationship has its share of problems and issues. A good understanding of partners is the ultimate key to success. However, if your boyfriend has the tendency of flaring up on every single matter, then you must find ways to calm him down.

The important thing to take into consideration here is the intensity of the relationship. If you know for sure that it is a short-term relationship, you do not have to bother yourself with it. Instead, ignore his actions and enjoy each other’s company.

Dr Prem Jagyasi and Team (C)

Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.

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