It is a proud and happy moment when a parent becomes a grand parent. The support, advice and tons of tips and tricks of childcare come out of experience for grandparents. They are eager to share and offer help to the new parents. However, sometimes they become over bearing. Few are some of the ways to handle overbearing grandparents.
Establish ground rules
As a primary caretaker of your child you must prepare the ground rules. Ensure that you let them know that you fully appreciate their help and support. However, be firm to make it clear that you will be the deciding authority for various parenting issues. As a parent let them know your approach and perspective of child rearing. Making such an arrangement often helps to understand the needs and expectations of both the parties: parents and the grandparents. It helps childcare easier and saves frustration, disappointment and tension within the family.
Have open communication
Having open discussion with grandparents is essential which leads to better understanding. Ask them about their experiences while you tell them how things are different now in raising a child. Explain the need for you to modify the archetypal principle in todayâs world since the challenges and situations are unique. Involve the grandparents when setting the guidelines such as:
a. The role of the grandparents in raising the kids.
b. Mutually agree upon the type of âpunishmentâ for bad behavior.
c. The need to enforce discipline together.
d. Other rules such as meals, bed times, medicines, television and computer time etc.
Stand united
It is very essential that you and your spouse must mutually agree on the fundamental approach to rear your child. Cross communication between you and your partner will lead to parenting conflicts. Discuss the role of your and his parents in raising your child. Whenever required, get your spouse to talk to your in laws whenever you have a concern. Sometimes, you and your spouse may have to approach the grandparents together to explain your feelings in case the grandparents have crossed the boundaries. It is important that you both stand united especially when voicing parenting issues.
Be considerate
Though you must insist that grandparents follow a set of guidelines, they deserve equal respect and freedom to love your child. Foster the bond between grandparents and your kid by letting them indulge your child on special occasions. Let them enjoy and have fun together to create a deep and loving relationship between them. Ensure that your child stays in touch with the grandparents through phone calls, e mails, letters, various activities such as shared hobbies, going out together etc. Praise the grandparents often if you like their ideas of parenting. Remember that grandparents play a vital role in the healthy development of your child. Understand that most of the grandparents mean good and well being of your child.
Do not feel insecure
Do not fret and feel insecure when grandparents criticize or they do not follow your guidelines. They do not intend to disrespect you or your rules. If there is a reason for your anger or fear, it is always helpful to explain them the reason why you feel so. Most often, grandparents do understand once you justify the need to follow your rules.
Respond instead of reacting
Responding to a situation in a calm manner often saves lot of tension in a situation. Speak respectfully when you are responding to an unsolicited advice or criticism. Confrontation often worsens the situation. Hence, gently thank her for her advice and explain the need to do things which you feel right.
Be open minded
It is always comforting for the new parents to know that there is moral support of grandparents to face new challenges in child rearing. However, there is a thin line of difference between being supportive and being invasive. Sometimes, grandparents often cross the line making it difficult for the new parents which at times creates problems for the family. They refuse to follow the rules, smirk at the way a child is brought up and try to dominate their views and opinions in almost every aspect of child rearing. As new parents, child rearing is a life long learning experience. Hence, it pays to listen to the grandparentsâ tips, tricks, criticism and feedback with open mind and fresh perspective. There is no harm in trying a technique that works for you and the family.
