Dealing with a mother in law, especially if she is the critical, overbearing, dominating and crazy, can be very difficult. Your mother in law will always be a part of you life because she is your spouseâs mother. But that does not mean you let her ruin your life. Here are some tips on dealing with a mother in law.
Talk to your spouse
Tell your spouse about the difficulties you are facing because of the unreasonable demands, constant nagging or dominating nature of your mother in law. Ask if they can provide a solution to this problem. However, remember never to ask them to choose between the two of you or criticize your mother in law. Talk about your problems without making it sound like an accusation on your mother in law. Yet, make sure that you express yourself clearly and that your spouse sees and understands your point of view. Talk to him (her) at a time when he is receptive or when you are talking about important family decisions. If your spouse is not on your side then it can be very difficult to sort things out with your mother in law.
See the positive side
Always try to see the positive side of any argument that you have with your mother in law. Try to laugh about it and see the humorous side. All of us enjoy watching TV serials about typical mothers in law harassing their daughters in law. Try to see your personal situation in the same way and find humor in it. Try to divert her mind when she starts criticizing you by quietly listening to her for a few minutes and then cleverly changing the topic. This is tricky but you will be able to do this well with practice. Also, reinterpret all the negative things she says to you into something positive. For example, if she is in the habit of not addressing you by your name, see the positive side that at least she is not calling you any names.
Don’t wait for her approval
Sometimes accepting the fact that your mother in law will never be happy with anything you do, is the best way to go. Stop waiting for her to approve of your work or be cordial with you. Lower your expectations and you will find more at peace with yourself. Recognize situations of confrontation and avoid them as far as possible. Donât let her nagging get to you. Keep you head calm. Many times you will find that your mother in law is aggressive towards you only because she enjoys seeing you get so worked up. Stressing about your mother in law is only going to affect your health. So stop reacting to her comments and youâll find that even she will lose interest in nagging you after a while.
Set boundaries
Set clear boundaries in your relationship with your mother in law. If she or your spouse does not recognize the boundaries take control of the situation and assert yourself. If you donât make things verbally clear and take a stand when boundaries are crossed, your mother in law will continue to take undue advantage of you. Donât let yourself feel guilty about it; after all you need to look after yourself and your family (your spouse and children) first and no third person (your mother in law, in this case) should be allowed to interfere. Decisions about your house, jobs, kids etc should be taken only by you and your spouse. If your mother in law starts interfering in the decision making, you need to firmly and politely tell her to stay out of it.
Detach yourself physically and emotionally
Even if after adopting all these methods, you still find it tough dealing with your mother in law, there is nothing else left to do but to detach yourself emotionally and physically from her. Detaching yourself from your mother in law emotionally will not be that difficult because all you have to do start ignoring her and not listen to or react to whatever she has to say. Detaching physically from your mother in law, although difficult, is not entirely impossible. This does not mean that you have to move to another state or a country. It only means not attending any family occasions or events where you know your mother in law will be present. However, make sure you use this as a last resort as doing this is also likely to cause a rift in your marital life.
