Getting to know that your spouse has lied to you is one of the most hurtful things in life. Instead of reacting in an aggressive manner, itâs important to assess the situation and see whether the lie has actually caused you harm or good. Here are some great ways to deal with a lying spouse instead of making matters worse for both of you.
Confirm with your spouse
Itâs a fact that many of us lie to our partners due to several reasons. The lie may not actually cause any harm to us and sometimes we do so to keep the peace in the relationship. Always check with your spouse as to what you have come to know is indeed true. Sometimes others can create sparks in your relationship by just spreading false stories. Find out discreetly or directly if your spouse has been lying to you before reacting to the situation. This is important to prevent any kind of clash in your otherwise happy relationship. A direct approach helps in clearing all doubts and it also helps you to understand if your spouse is actually trying to hide something. Your spouse may be taken aback and might falter when you ask him/her directly which is a confirmation that he/she could be trying to hide something.
Check if the lie has hurt you
Sometimes a lie can avoid great friction in marital life and this could be exactly why your spouse must have chosen to lie in the first place. In such cases, find out if the lie has actually saved you from embarrassment, hurt or trouble and caused you less heartache at that time when it was told. If your partner had you mental relaxation in mind when he lied to you, you must not take his lying as an insult, but rejoice in that fact that he cares for you very deeply. Even though you would have loved him to tell the truth to you, you must understand his tension in the matter and appreciate the fact that he has tried to hide the truth only for your well being. Do not blame him or try to make him feel guilty if this is the case. Tell him that you appreciate the fact that he lied for your happiness and also let him know that you would still have felt better if he had told the truth.
Make sure that you do not over react
Over reacting can only make matters worse. Curtail your urge to over react and approach your spouse with understanding and concern. If you are gentle and understanding towards your spouse, he/she will immediately be tempted to reveal the truth, however bad it may be. A gentle approach will also prevent your spouse from inventing another lie for covering up his guilt. Lend an ear to what he has to say and what confessions he wants to make without reacting. Hold your spouseâs hand and offer support while the truth is revealed. Your spouse might be feeling as hurt as you and would want you to understand and be forgiving towards him. Do not leave him in this situation as this will help you be more understanding and adaptable towards each other.
Forgive your partner
An honest confession and attempt to correct the mistake should never be rejected. If your spouse has confessed his mistake and has given a clear explanation for the action, you can decide whether you want to forgive or not. If the lie has nothing to do with infidelity or anything else that may be bad for your relationship, you must make an effort to forgive your spouse. It is through forgiveness and understanding that a relationship grows and all of us are bound to commit mistakes in relationships, whether the mistake is big or small. Being a mature partner, you must always leave room for forgiveness and move on with life.
Itâs important to deal with compulsive liars
When your spouse is a compulsive liar and has been lying quite often, it is a different matter altogether. Compulsive lying requires psychiatric assistance as it may have deep psychiatric implications that require intense counselling and treatment. Arrange for a counselling session in such cases rather than take an extreme step and hurt your spouse more. Compulsive liars cannot control their urge to lie and much depends on the spouseâs attitude to help the relationship stay and bring the person out of this mental state. Ensure that you give your spouse abundant support while he gets out of this mess.
