Parents often feel let down by children who lie to them. For parents, it also becomes an issue that challenges their authority. This makes them blow the episode out of proportion. There are better and smarter ways of handling it.
Understand the underlying problem
The parents must make an effort to understand the reasons that make the child lie. This is because the issue is not limited to a single episode. Parents have the responsibility of ensuring that their child grows up to be a mature and confident individual who is capable of handling different situations. Therefore, it is for the parents to analyze the issue so as to have a conversation over the matter to make the child know that there are better ways of managing things than lying. Teach your child the importance of conveying one’s ideas in a polite, assertive and effective manner so as to speak the truth but to convince the other person by making one’s point heard. This will make your child an effective communicator over a period of time and at the same time prove to be a workable solution to ensure that your child does not lie.
Do not overreact
Do not let your anger speak. Keep the situation firmly under control. It is natural for a parent to feel betrayed when they find out about something the child had been lying about. Stay calm. Delay the conversation on the matter till the time your anger subsides. Ponder over the entire episode and the reasons that may have led to the problem. It is quite simple for you to rebuke your child just as an instance of the child lying to you comes to light but this is not going to change anything. Do not see this as an issue of being let down but as a trust issue between you and your child. Either the child does not believe that you will understand or probably your rules are too strict for your child to navigate. Allow for a conversation to get to the crux of the problem. Do not make it a one sided thing wherein you shout out what you want to say with little regard for what the child feels.
Be objective in handling the situation
In a parent child relationship, it is the parents who are expected to be mature and proactive. The way the parent-child relationship shapes up depends on the parents. Parents need to look at the matter objectively. This may be difficult but is required for your child to develop confidence in you. Only then will the child be able to confide in you. Ponder over the problem at hand and build an outline for the conversation you are to have with your child. Do not beat around the bush. Be clear and precise. Tell your child that you have found out the truth and want to understand the reason behind it. Do not give considerable importance to your feelings and the fact that you are hurt. Give significance to what the child thinks. If you are not convinced, make your stance clear. You may punish the child in proportion to the gravity of the lie and not beyond that.
Appreciate the truth
If you cannot stand a lie, then you must learn to appreciate the truth howsoever bitter it may be. A lie is often used as a convenient way of dealing with a problem when the truth is unlikely to be taken well. This is what your child does when the child has little confidence in the fact that you are willing to hear the truth. This is especially true in case of teenagers. As children grow up, parents need to act like friends. This is only possible if you make an effort to let your child understand your willingness to communicate and accept along with your desire to be a part of every aspect of your child’s life as a mentor and not a dictator. Build such a relationship with your child where truth is always appreciated and matters are discussed objectively to arrive at the solution to a problem.
Avoid sermonizing and express your fears
With kids, preaching does not help. No issue can be resolved till a two way communication takes place. Be forthcoming on your apprehensions. If the lies relate to the curbs you impose in order to keep your child disciplined and safe, talk about it. Tell your child the reasons for the rules you have put in place. Be willing to express your fears and the consequences that are likely if your child does not understand. In case of teenagers, it is very important to make them responsible by talking about issues. Communicate rather than just putting in place rules that the child refuses to adhere to and lies to you in order to navigate through them. Your best bet is to state exactly what you think. Only then will your rebellious and lying kid show some understanding.
