“Success in life requires a short “Yes” list, and a long “No” list.” – Gary Ryan Blair
No is a word that can reap more benefits than meets the eye if only you know when and where to say it. Like most other humans, you might feel the constant need to please people and this hunger of popularity might have led you to take more on your plate than you can handle!
Have there been cases when you have found yourself going out of your way to keep someone’s request just because you don’t want to be offensive or impolite by rejecting them? If the answer to this question is yes then you are suffering from what can be called the disability to say no. When someone asks a favor of you, you might say to yourself – “It’s just a small favor! How long might this possibly take me? I should say yes” ; but what you fail to realize is that for every favor or request that you say yes to, there is a part of your day which you are wasting upon someone else’s success when you could have been spending that same amount of time upon yours. When you keep saying yes to people all the time, you fall into the habit of being the Samaritan who saves every one’s day and this is something you have to snap out of if you want to focus upon your personal developments.
Things to keep in mind when you find it difficult to say No:
Often in order to get acceptance or just to fit in, people agree to act upon every request that is shot towards their direction even if they are not comfortable with them. You must always try to avoid this because by doing so you so you not only sacrifice your individuality but you also showcase a part of you that is not exactly true. In words of Kurt Cobain – ‘It’s better to be hated for what you are, than to be loved for what you‘re not.’ If there are people in your friend’s circle and family who will severe their ties with you just because you refused to do something that they asked of you; then you are better off without such people in your life. You must not let the scare of being unpopular make you say yes to everything and everyone.
Always remember that you cannot please everyone who is around you. When people figure your willingness to do things for them, different people are going to ask you to do different things. In such cases it becomes practically impossible to keep everyone’s request and there will be some hearts that you will need to break. Piling up everyone’s request and then doing a bad job at them because you cannot keep up with the work load should not be your desirable stance. Only keep those requests that are urgent and within your reach and politely say no to the others.
The various advantages of saying No:
The best way to master the art of time management is by learning how to say No! This might come across as a very selfish thing to do but what you have to understand is that saying No is a necessary evil. You just have twenty four hours in a day to be used to your advantage and in order to keep up with the fast pace of modern lives, there are so many things that need to be done in these few hours. So if you agree to volunteer to do someone’s work for him or her, there is some aspect of your life like you family, friends, exercising, self-care and so on that is bound to get neglected. However, by saying no to all this extra work which you usually perform for other people, you can save a lot of time which you can invest in your personal life! As a result of this, you productivity will duly increase as you will be able to give your hundred percent in whatever you do and enjoy it as well!
In the absence of all the requests and favors that need to be kept, your stress levels are bound to come down because lesser the work on your hands, lesser is the stress that you go through!
Saying No helps in setting boundaries:
When you learn to say No, people stop taking for your granted! The fact that they cannot go to you all the time for getting their jobs done gets registered in their heads and eventually they stop asking you to run their errands for them! They know that they cannot take advantage of your helpfulness.
Saying No honors your principles:
It often happens that your friends or family or someone who exercises a higher authority over you at your workplace asks you to do something for them that clashes with your principles. In such cases you must have a No ready at your lips! This No will help you in honoring your set of values! Not only this, a No will also spare you the resentment which brews inside the mind when you feel like you are being oppressed or taken advantage of!
How to say No:
Saying No can seem very difficult in the initial stages. You might lose your sleep at night thinking of all the resentment that you might be gathering in people’s heart towards you and worrying about their opinions. During such times, just remember that you do not need anyone’s certificate to make you a good person. What other people think of you is not what is going to get you closer to your goals in life!
If you find it hard to decide upon whether to say a no or a yes then you must stick to – “I’ll get back to you later”. This will give you enough time to think whether or not you are willing to shoulder someone’s responsibility.
Make sure that when you planning to say no to someone, you do not sound offensive. Do not make them feel like you are rejecting them! Give them the impression that you are too swamped to do anything for them at that moment so that there are no hard feelings!