The end of a marriage can be quite distressing. No matter what the causes of the split are, the crumbling of an everlasting commitment can create an upheaval in your life. However, there are many things you can do to get through this stressful period and mature into a tougher and more sensible human being.
1. Identify with your sentiments
A lot many people actually underestimate the anguish that can be caused by a separation or divorce. It indicates that the one person with whom you have constructed your life together is no longer going to be a part of your life anymore. So, when the relationship breaks, there is a lot of fine-tuning to be made. You have to alter yourself psychologically, monetarily as well as pragmatically in order to adapt to your partner’s nonexistence in your life. This can be quite similar to what happens if a loved one suddenly passes away. You have to permit yourself to mourn for that loss.
Even if the separation is on mutual grounds, it is very difficult to get over a person who has been such an integral part of your life. Keep this in mind that this pain takes its own course of action and you will have to sort out your own woes until time heals it up. You will obviously go through refutation, annoyance, negotiation, dejection, and lastly concurrence. So, it is very important that you do not struggle with your feelings and instead talk to your near ones about how you really feel.
2. Grieve
No matter what the reason is, most of the divorce cases create a negative psychological impact on the mind. Sorrow and heartbreak need to be channeled out, hence opting for alcohol to make you forget the pain is quite a common thing to do. However, it has to be pointed out that alcohol isn’t a cure but it rather harms you more in the long run. Taking the support of close friends and family is the best possible alternative. Grieving and feeling sad is a part of the divorce, so don’t ignore it. Deal with it.
3. Get into therapy and support
Divorce can indeed cause massive turbulence in anyone’s life. So it is always advisable to either seek the aid of a counselor or enroll in a support group. But, it is very essential to know that matters as crucial as this should never be discussed with kids of the relationship. They should never be entangled in the disputes, so do not talk about anything in front of them. You should not take your marital woes to your workplace too. The very best you can do is delegate someone professionally to tackle your differences.
Even if you join a support group, you will at least consult it out with people who have an unbiased and flexible approach towards your problem. You also have to work on new companionships, make an endeavor to go out and make new friends. You can join a club or a class or anywhere which will make you realize that you have a lot to go for yourself. But try to be with people who have an optimistic thought process and who will actually pay heed to what you say. You have to be forthright to them without getting perturbed about being disparaging or disapproving.
4. Take proper care of yourself
Even though divorce can be such an emotional hazard, it’s now more essential to take proper care of yourself. This is a major strain and can leave you very weak and defenseless. But you have to slowly learn to take care of yourself and opt for affirmative choices in life. Indulge yourself in activities that pacify you. Read a favorite author, listen to good music, go for a spa, etc. but whatever you do, it is essential that you put across your needs vocally. You have every right to say no to something without feeling accountable for everything gone wrong. Get back to your standard schedule as soon as possible as this will surely provide a feeling of routine. Do not ever make the mistake of getting hooked onto drugs, alcohol, or food binging. It is extremely vicious and harmful to your body. There is no need to become desperate to conquer your feelings.
5. Alter your perspectives
Even if most of us are under the delusion that we have some kind of control in our marital life. It is a fact for certain that nobody can ever control or manipulate anyone else, especially in a marriage. But now with the onset of the divorce proceedings, there is a total decline in the control gradually. So, if you have any expectations from your partner, learn to let go of it. You should not be too much under duress about what the result will be and acknowledge no matter what happens. It is not the time for you to hang back to your past, however precious it might have been. You have to grow out of it and learn to look towards the future. Your expectations might prove to be very painful for you and might also become a major hurdle for you to commence any kind of social life in the outside world.
6. Give importance to your emotional needs
Different kinds of emotions spring up when you are in such a traumatic condition. Divorce is such a situation where you are losing a person with whom you have built your life and spend the days. When the relationship comes to an end, you may have to go through a lot of adjustments financially and emotionally. You have to cope with the absence of the person altogether and manage various things alone. To get over the loss, you need to spend some time grieving. It is a special situation that you have to cross to continue your journey of life. Various stages that you may have to cross in such a situation are denial, bargaining, anger, depression, and finally, acceptance. It may take some time until you are able to reach the acceptance stage.
7. Maintain a positive image
The most important thing while dealing with a divorce is to maintain a positive self-image. Sometimes, it may be you who initiated the divorce. Avoid putting yourself down in this condition and try to understand that certain things cannot be undone. All you have to do is go forward with a positive outlook. Never compare yourself with others. Concentrate on things that you are interested in. Indulge in things that make you feel happy. Wake up every day with a positive thought and this can help you a lot in your recovery process. Avoid playing the victim. You are responsible for the situation in one way or another. So it is your responsibility to ensure that you do not fall into a similar situation at a later stage.”
8. Avoid making hasty decisions
One of the biggest mistakes most of the people commit is to make some hasty decisions when they are under some extreme emotions like anger, depression, etc. All such decisions are mostly considered to have dangerous consequences. So, take some time, think well, and take decisions that are beneficial for you and your family, especially if you have kids. Kids can be easily affected when their parents are undergoing a divorce. Take special care to ensure that they are not affected emotionally due to divorce. If possible, talk to your friends and family and seek their advice too. Avoid hurting yourself during such situations. Remember that you are alone and you have to deal with everything alone. So take care of your body well too. Think well about the decisions you wish to take before you decide on it finally.
9. Incorporate the fun factor
Going through a divorce is a traumatic condition. But this doesn’t mean that you have to be locked up inside a room, avoid fun and frolic. This would only lead to depression and other serious mental and physical conditions. Since you have to move on, you need to have the strength for taking things forward. So eat healthy food, spend some time with your friends, have fun and lessen your burden or grief. Indulge in activities that make you happy and forget your sorrows. Take a short vacation with your family or friends, join some kind of class or try to connect with some interesting people around you. Avoid isolating yourself from the good things in life. There are so many things that are worth spending your time on. Identify such things and keep your body and mind happy.
10. Have a routine
Emotional instability in such crucial times can lead to hastily-taken decisions that you might just regret later. Make a timetable for yourself and stick to it. Give priority to the more practical aspects and be calm and composed in your approach.
11. Have space
An urge to talk to your ex-spouse is natural. This can either lead you to a reunion followed by another worse break up or you blaming your spouse and an unnecessary bitter argument. Avoid as much of contact as possible and whenever you feel like talking, remember why you had to take this step. However, make sure you are at least in talking terms till the divorce settlements are dealt with.
12. Children and finances
Children can be a major point of concern as they cannot support you, instead, this may lead to their psychological disturbance where they need your support even more. Try not to get them involved as much as possible. Do not take any financial decision with the aid of your heart as your head can guide you better.
13. Let go of blame
Never take the blame yourself nor blame your spouse. Remember, that it is an adult decision and the responsibility is shared between both of you. Assess in your mind what role you played in making and breaking the relation as it can help you turn into a more mature individual.
14. Rediscover yourself
Be gentle and considerate towards your own self. Don’t let your self-esteem be bogged down. Marriage is the union of two separate individuals. Your identity, as a part of a marriage, might have gone down the drains but look at it as an opportunity to recreate something you were before your marriage. You can start afresh and be a complete person all on your own that will make you feel stronger and wiser.
15. Maintain respect
It is important you don’t be disrespectful towards each other, not only in public but also in your mind. There was a reason you loved someone and the reason still exists. Just because you can’t stay together under one roof does not change anything. Respecting your ex is respecting your own love for that person.
16. Move on with confidence
Healing takes some time. The feeling of loss of a loved one can be overcome when you forgive yourself and promise not to fall into a similar situation later on. Learn from your past mistakes and try to avoid them in the future. There are many good things in life. If you are a creative person or someone with special skills, give more importance to them and try to develop them. You will be able to give a new meaning to your life. Indulge in the activities that you are interested in and have a close circle of friends too. Identify your responsibilities and make a plan for fulfilling them. When you have a clear idea about what you want from life, it will be easier to move on with confidence. Self-confidence and self-esteem your biggest companion that can help you to add value to your life.
Final Words
Give yourself ample time to get over your misery and heal for the better. Make an effort to look in your inner self and acknowledge your accountability to the divorce. But you can only do it for some time, after that it is time you absolve yourself and your partner and follow a new path to lead a different life. Do not permit your earlier setbacks to chase your new life and relationships. You have had a problem and this is the best way you and your partner have provided a solution to your predicament.
