You come across so many types of people in our life. They can be defensive, critical, argumentative, sensitive or hateful or a mix of one or more such traits. The norm is to be tactful in dealing with different kinds of people, different approaches for different categories. The guide helps you with few useful tips.
You may have a colleague who jumps to his rescue as soon as his name is mentioned in any conversation. You may be a boss to someone who is ready with an excuse for every mistake that he commits. These are just two examples of how defensive people may behave. In the longer run it becomes really hard to tackle such people. A few tips would help you.
How to deal with defensive people
Make your points clear
While talking to a person who tries to defend his each and every move it may be really hard to say what you want to. Not only do they try to defend their every move but they also don’t accept their mistakes easily. While you are talking to them it’s better to make yourself clear in concrete points. Don’t beat around the bush. If you are talking to a colleague about his non performance, don’t give him a chance to make a story. Just state clearly the parameters that render his work less worth.
Don’t ridicule them
People tend to protect themselves to save their impression from faltering. They try to reinforce their story if the person in front doesn’t believe them. They may also do so because of lack of confidence. Avoid behaving in harsh way with them. They may feel humiliated and get conscious to an extent that they try desperately to mend their impression in front of you. This may worsen the conversation. Behave normally with them, just make sure that you talk clearly.
Help them in gaining confidence
If you are closer to a such person, this becomes really easy for you. Don’t be too formal with such people. In such cases they would be extra cautious and would find it extremely hard to accept their failures. Talk to them, just keep a limit to the way you open up to them. If you are at a position of authority, a kind word may be enough to make them comfortable with you, you don’t actually need to discuss their personal matters to make them feel comfortable. Make them realize that one mistake has no affect on anybody’s impression. This would help them in running away from their mistakes.
How to deal with critical people
There are a lot of people around who love to find faults with others and keep criticizing everything others do. The comments and remarks of such people are often rude and tend to hurt many. Read below to know some helpful ways of dealing with such people.
Do not take all the criticism personally
When a person throws a critical remark against you, the first thing you should do is to assess the criticism. Pay attention to the content of the criticism and also to the person who has criticized you. Some criticism are for your good and they can really help you to improve yourself. Such remarks should not make you upset. However, other rude remarks are just made to insult you and to make you feel bad. Some people have the habit of passing rude comments without thinking about its effect. You do not need to pay attention on such things. Do not take the comment personally and try to get your mind off it as soon as possible.
Let the critic know about your feelings
It is very obvious to feel bad about a criticism, especially if it is not true. People do not have the right to hurt you every time. You have to make them realize that they need to change their behavior. So, next time if a person insults you, let them know how you felt. You do not need to fight or argue with such people, but in a very polite way warn them to stop it. Never hide your feelings or let them accumulate because they can make you even more upset. Be strong and tackle such people right from the beginning so that they never dare to hurt you.
Do not argue or become defensive
Critical people love to throw rude comments and see the effect. So, it is important to remain unaffected by their useless remarks. Do not argue or fight over things that are not important at all. If they fail to provoke you by their words they will probably not be satisfied and will move to others.
In addition, you also have to stay away from defending yourself. If you are not wrong, you do not owe an explanation to anyone. Being defensive can lead to further arguments and all this will be a source of entertainment for a critical person. Therefore, simply ignore the remarks and forget about the matter.
Be compassionate to critical people
Critical people often believe that they are perfect and they need to correct others. Their manners are rude and they find happiness by hurting and insulting other people. Little do they realize that the real problem actually lies in themselves. They often lack confidence and deal with insecurity as well as low self esteem. Putting down others gives them a sense of satisfaction. Such people need help. Instead of feeling bad about their comments, sit with them and gently try to know the reason behind their behavior. Show them love and offer to help them. Your support can slowly heal them and change their behavior.
Stay away from critical people
If you have tried all the methods and are still facing problems dealing with critical people, the best way is to maintain a distance. You do not need to stay in touch with people who hurt or insult you. People who do not understand others feelings deserve to be left alone. Let such people lead a lonely life so that they are able to understand the importance of a relationship and learn to respect everyone around. Staying close to a negative person can even hamper your personality and fill you with sadness. Therefore, always try to be with nice people who spread happiness and have a positive attitude toward everything.
How to deal with argumentative people
Arguments can serve pathway for better ideas. But when arguments turn things to worse, leaving howling and red faces, playing blame games or pointing fingers, it is indicative of lack of constructive philosophy in life. Here are few tips that will help you deal with argumentative people.
Disagreement accompanied by respect
Argumentation can be integral to healthy discussion but should necessarily not turn ugly. Individuals have their own opinions, and disagreement can come naturally. It is important that when you disagree, you do so with respect for other’s idea. Tell the person that although you have your own opinion, which can differ from the other personâs, you respect his/her opinion equally. This can avoid hurting his/her feelings without being forceful.
Argumentative people do not intend to listen to the other side of the story. There is defiance and disparity in perception and thought. Argumentative people also seek authority and power. Sometimes, there is violence in disagreement, making it all the more difficult to handle the situation. By being clear and focused in conveying your viewpoint, you reduce the possibility of arguments turning to worse. Avoid asking for opinions from argumentative people to limit their debating tendency.
Find better ways to communicate
Communication is an efficient tool when utilized appropriately. Finding effective tools while communicating can avoid talks turning into arguments. Calling names may appear offensive to some. Provoking phrases (like I don’t want to argue with you) can aggravate arguments, alerting the argumentative person to be defensive. Including phrases which can diffuse conflict (like âI know many people feel that way) can control the situation from getting worse.
When discussing sensitive issues, go outdoors. Physical factors can prove effective in controlling situations favorably. If you are not in a good mood for discussion, let the other party know this.
Have some space, if you feel it is difficult to control the situation from being resolved easily. Take a break (may be for few minutes) and analyze the situation. The subject may not be more important than the relationship you enjoy with the other person. Logical and rationale thinking can guide you for having a more mature discussion. Use humor to change the tone of discussion.
Expect lesser compatibility from the person
Argumentative people may not realize that they are agonizing and making lives difficult for others. They have a tendency to do just the opposite of what you want. Their actions (and words) can be distracting and de motivating for you, affecting thought and work. It may appear difficult to counter argue people quite often.
Expecting mature behavior from the other person may not be feasible, wanting you to act favorably. Inappropriate language and action can be taken to a private place. Keep eye contact and maintain an even tone. Avoid raising your voice to stress your words. If the situation becomes too upsetting, convey this to the other party and end the discussion.
If you do not wish to discuss on the subject, let the other person know this. This can seem impractical in a long term relationship wherein you need constant interaction and communication. Be judgmental before producing your side of the story. Let trifling issues not gather momentum to take ugly dimensions.
Avoid blaming and point scoring
Arguments are not meant to serve as platform to play blame games. While both of you (arguing) try to blame the each other, both may actually be at fault. Instead of being assertive, be specific (like using I feel….instead of You did…). This provides better scope for respecting each other’s views and resolving the matter soon. Do not feel inferior and low in self esteem by accepting the other party’s opinion. It can help overcome a bad patch in your relationship.
Point scoring is another tendency encountered when dealing with argumentative people. These people seem ever ready to provide fresh arguments to score above you. Relating to past and trifling instances of life is a common phenomenon. Ignore any strategy which can spark or exaggerate the argument.
Argumentative people have to be dealt with in a manner different from others. If the relationship has to continue, the damage needs to be limited. On many occasions, silence serves the best tool.
Understand the reason behind
With numerous healthy and practical ideas to discuss, struggling over mundane thoughts can bring more bad than good. Understand whether your argument is need based or worth the effort. Regarding arguments as the platform for the battle of words and emotions can end up leaving both the parties miserably.
Never get entangled into someone else’s quarrel. Use basic communication skills to handle arguments. Explore the cause behind clashes and provoking thoughts. There are unidentified reasons like insecurity, jealousy, neglect, etc. which can generate arguments. Deeper relationship needs can encourage the urge to argue more often. Sometimes, an apology can avoid the argument from escalating. The other party may not be ready to admit defeat.
How to deal with sensitive people
Sensitive people wear their hearts on their sleeve and get upset very easily. Getting along with such people can be difficult especially if they are close to you. Here are some tips on dealing with sensitive people.
Since sensitive people can get hurt even in situations where there is no intention of upsetting them, you need to be very careful about what you say to them and how you say it. Remember, sensitive people can get hurt even if they feel that the other person spoke to them in a âwrongâ way. Therefore, donât criticize them too much and also pay attention to your tone while talking. If you are a critical person by nature, try to hold your tongue and bite down any critical remarks that you might feel like saying. Even if you are not very critical by nature, avoid criticizing the sensitive person as far as possible. Maintain a consistent tone throughout the conversation. However, this does not mean that you let them do what they want because some criticism is essential. All you need to do is to make sure that the sensitive person sees the criticism in a positive way and not feel offended. This will make sure the sensitive person does not find your comments offensive in any way.
Avoid anger and frustration
Never be harsh to a sensitive person. If you shout or get angry at them, you will never be able to get along with them. Sensitive people generally lack confidence and if you shout at them they will get upset immediately or even burst into tears. This will eventually lead them to withdraw and avoid your company in future. Now, you wouldn’t want such a situation, especially if that person is a close family member or a friend. If you are angry or upset about something else, don’t let it show on your face when talking to the sensitive person as he may feel that the anger is directed towards him. If you cannot mask your feelings, distance yourself away from them. However, even if you are upset with your sensitive friend or family member, don’t react immediately. Allow yourself to cool down and only speak when your anger has dissipated and you feel calm.
Watch their body language
Pay close attention to sensitive people’s body language. Such people cannot mask their emotions easily. If they are upset about something you said to them, it will immediately show on their face or reflect in their body language. However, watching a person’s body language is not very easy. You need to spend a lot of time with that person to know and understand their reactions to different things. So, if you are talking to a sensitive person and you notice a sudden change in their body language, you need to register this immediately and acknowledge that something you have said has offended him. Catching this change in body language immediately will give you a chance to make things better and turn the conversation in a positive direction before things get uncomfortable.
Avoid aggressive activities
Avoid engaging in aggressive activities when you are with a sensitive person. Since sensitive people are very emotional, any kind of negativity or aggression can lower their self-esteem further. For example, you are playing a sport such as basketball. Now, any kind of sports activity makes people act aggressively. If the aggression becomes too much or the sense of competition increases, the sensitive person may decide to withdraw from the situation. You need to recognize and understand such over-sensitive behavior and then use your discretion to choose such activities that donât involve much aggression. Opt for relaxing activities such as cooking, watching a movie, shopping and so on when you are with a sensitive person.
Step up the romance
Dealing with an over-sensitive partner or spouse can be more difficult than dealing with a sensitive person who is your friend or a relative. Be nurturing and shower all your love and affection on your partner. This will also make your partner feel more secure about your relationship. Small romantic gestures from time to time appeal to sensitive people’s emotional nature and give them that much-needed assurance to deal with their sensitivity better. This does not mean that being more romantic will help your sensitive partner get over his/her sensitivity completely. However, such gestures will make the sensitive person be less defensive and at least reduce the sensitivity to some extent.
How to deal with hateful people
Hateful people are negative thinkers. They become hateful when they analyze people deeply and do not like others behaving differently from what they consider correct. With a little effort, dealing with hateful people can become easy. Here is how:
If someone is behaving hateful towards you, do not reflect the same attitude. Remain calm and concentrate on breathing deeply. If you cannot do this, divert your focus from a hateful personâs words to the ambiance of the space you are in, the personâs body language or anything else from which you can learn something new. Getting no response, the hateful person will either walk away or become silent. Retaliation leads to arguments and arguments have no good outcome. Retaliating to the words stated by a hateful person with impromptu remarks only adds fuel to a fight and causes further clash of thoughts. Being defensive will only empower a hateful person. Hence, be quiet even if you know the hateful person is wrong.
Being silent may not always be possible and at times, the hateful person may actually want answers. It is essential to weigh every word while replying so that the response given does not backfire. Your response must be well calculated.
Walk away or turn a deaf ear
The behavior of hateful people must not affect you. Try to keep away from them as much as possible, if you think negativity seeps into you. Do not try to change people with a negative attitude. Try to change yourself. Walk away from a tense situation, so that negativity does not get a chance to reside in you. If caught in a place from where you cannot move away, turn a deaf ear to what is being spoken. Focus on other matters of interest. This will draw your attention away from the drift coming your way. Even if you are sharing the same space with the hateful person, try being far away in your thoughts. This method will help you stay sane and unaffected by the words of a hateful person.
Retain a positive space around you
Maintain a positive aura around you. Certain Tâai Chi and meditation techniques can help you visualize a white light of purity around you. This helps to retain a positive space around you, even if others nearby are in a negative zone. At times, you can take the Lordâs name in your mind. This will keep you at peace. You can also keep reminding yourself that you need to be positive and think about brighter things than take note of the dullness in life. Simply wearing a smile on your face can also help you maintain the positivity around you.
Make the hateful positive thinkers
This is not as difficult as it sounds. Negativity emerges from depression and a feeling of having achieved lesser than others of the same caliber. Negative thinkers are unchangeable, but their thoughts can be diverted towards better things in life. Do not try to be a psychiatrist or â Mr Fix it,â who can find solutions to problems of hateful people. Simply be compassionate and listen to concerns of hateful people so they can feel lighter. Then you can suggest them to get involved in a favorite hobby or go out for a walk or watch a must see comedy. This will add some positivity to their persona. Momentarily, this may seem a short-term solution, but itâs not. The positive energy derived will make hateful people want to get involved in activities they like, more often. In the long run, you will be able to see a vast difference in the attitude and behavior of a hateful person.
Confer upon them a feel-good factor
Help those who are shunned by others for their bad behavior or find it tricky to cope with stress, difficult thoughts or feelings. Create positivity in and around them by involving them in optimistic conversations. There are useful lessons that people can learn from the judgements made by hateful people. It is necessary that their repeated comments undergo a scrutiny. They can offer a new facet to learning and living. let them know, when they are right and appreciate them for their analysis, when required. Also, compliments on their looks, attire or performance can boost up their spirit. Sharing remembrances of their achievements in life can give them a feel good factor about themselves. This will help change the attitude of a hateful person towards you in no time.