Anger can emerge as an ingredient in parenting, meant essentially for the betterment of children. However, when the boundary between âangerâ and âdangerâ becomes insignificant, it is time to escalate the limit to avoid serious damage to the relationship.
Discuss the matter with your parents
Angry words may seem commands, but it is important to realize that these serve guidelines which enable you to lead a better life later (when you are independent).
Avoid talking immediately as your parents (including you) may not be in a receptive mode. Give some time, depending on the gravity of the matter, so that things stabilize after the incident. When you find the situation under control, discuss the matter with your parents and emphasize that the gesture hurts you. Get your feelings out and communicate them in a neutral way. If talking directly is difficult, you can communicate your emotions in written form. By expressing yourself, you open up the channel to bridge the relationship and discourage remorse. Speaking to them also reduces the scope of repeating the same mistake(s). Reluctance may pose hindrance; do not give way to the temptation. Remember to put your side of the story so that the scope for misunderstanding is reduced to the minimum.
If you feel sorry, apologize for your mistake. Give a genuine response to the queries posted. Hiding facts can be damaging to you and your parents, making the scene turn uglier when encountered later in life.
Find a trustworthy person for advice
More than often, parents may not appear the right persons to be approached for advice, especially for adults. For children having difficulty communicating with parents, finding a solution may seem more challenging. However, keeping all your emotions and concerns within can be taxing on the valuable relationship you share with parents. Seeking advice from a trustworthy person (a close associate who understands you and your family) is helpful. He/she can counsel appropriately and enable you to find constructive ways to handle testing situations.
Unattended anger can lead to more anger and damage the relationship, including individuals involved. A responsible associate can guide you to healthy ways of dealing anger. However, be careful not to get inclined or engaged with people who guide you to destructive habits like resorting to drugs or alcohol. Harming yourself is definitely not meant to resolve the issue.
If situation appears uncontrollable, you will require assistance in some form to protect yourself from substance abuse, in case it happens. Keeping a trusted person under confidence provides both check on any untoward incident and moral support.
Implement the relaxation tools
Negative reaction can be spontaneous to anger and abuse, but it is important not to respond angrily to anger. Countering anger uncompromisingly can make the situation worse. Overreaction, in the form of fury or rage at someone (or something) who perhaps does not deserve such a reaction, is detrimental.
Keep control over your emotions. Take deep breaths and concentrate on relaxation techniques. Listen to soothing music which can instill freshness in mind and distract you from demotivating sources. There should be some outlet to let anger go. Since adopting the same technique (anger) can be disturbing, drift to more fruitful techniques like cognitive therapy and having rational thinking.
If negative thoughts are creating obstacles in mind, cognitive restructuring can prove an effective tool for having positively re-framing the mind. Negative thoughts can undermine performance and relationships, and controlling them is crucial to dealing with anger.
Avoid confrontation and concentrate on resolution
Do not adopt physical or emotional anger to revert to your parentsâ anger. Find out ways which can facilitate problem solving. Seek suggestions in devising ways to resolve the matter, so that recurring chances of confrontation are minimized. If possible, engage your parents and ask their opinions. They shall feel concerned and contended that you are putting in sincere efforts to resolve the issue. Create a sound platform for nurturing your relationship by adopting a practical approach.
If you get suggestions from parents, listen to them and reveal your interest. Active listening can positively impact the listener. Many parents raise voice only to be heard appropriately.
Make use of your own judgment
Although it may seem far from practical, try putting yourself in your parentsâ shoes before arriving at conclusions. Parents are concerned about their childâs well being and sometimes, these concerns shape up unfavorably. There can be a war of words meant to elucidate the fact of life, but turn things sour to upset the environment.
Do not think too much about the angry reaction. Sometimes, being neutral is just sufficient to handle the situation. Feel of guilt should also not overpower and disturb you. Give them the space they need and take yours. Reflecting is helpful in analyzing what went wrong or unfavorable. Over and above all other things, use your own judgment to handle the hostile situation.
