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How to Charm Others Without Being Overt?

Charm is something we all get attracted to. If you are able to charm somebody half your work is done, half the battle is won. But one has to be careful, when using his/her charm over some. Getting too much over the top can be lethal, it could end in spoiling the whole effort. Too much and too less of anything is bad, everything needs to be done in moderation. Well, there is no set formula to charm anyone, what may appeal to some one the same thing may totally repels the other person. What seems good to someone might as well be the worst for someone else.

 

Is there a right way to do it?

Probably not, its like the right & wrong philosophy of life. As they say, there is nothing right or wrong, its all in the conscious and sub-conscious of human mind. Every living being is right in his place & perspective. You see, both the concepts are inter-linked, they are all about perception. Trying to charm and being charmed is all perception of the human mind. So is there any rule book for being a charmer? Can there be set ways, to decide how do we charm some one the optimum way? Well, optimum way kind of sounds so much clichéd. As far as human psychology is concerned, there is no right way for actions and emotions that are based on perceptions. However, basic common sense can help us lay down rules on how not to over do anything.

Citing a very common example is the relationship of a Mother-in-law with her daughter-in-law. A newly wedded daughter-in-law may use all her charms and at times might just over do it, in order to impress her ma-in-law, but at times miserably fails. In situations like these, being overt might really help. Mom-in-laws have a tendency to have a liking for daughter-in-laws tend to o over do things. The same girl may end up irritating and upsetting her husband if she becomes too overt in order to charm him. So you see, the same emotion works differently for different people. Things rather than being attributed to less or more are more attributable to circumstances and people. What may be less for someone may be way too much for someone else.

 

Is the Trait Natural or Can it be Developed?

            Most of us would love to believe that it is a natural trait. How true is that? It is to an extent. We do say for many people, ‘He is a natural charmer, she is a natural charmer’. Though it may be true, that its all natural we can of course develop the skill within ourselves over the years. Its always good to learn something new, improvise your self and most importantly always try and do things which might benefit you in the future. Its’ the age of presentation, the face value and packaging adds value to commodities. It applies for humans as well, being sweet and presenting yourself well can take you a long way. But this certainly does not mean that you have to be unethical. There is no trait and no quality in this world which we humans cannot learn and develop within ourselves. Well, the main point of discussion here is how not to be overt and still charm someone.

 

  • Most important, one has to know the person very well emotionally and intellectually if one wants to charm someone.
  • Likes and dislikes of a person should be very clear in the intender’s mind.
  • You just cannot do the mistake of getting into the personal space of a person in order to charm him/her.
  • Breathing space certainly needs to be given to the person.
  • The efforts and behavior have to be natural and not made up
  • they should seem genuine and not sugar coated

 

A person has to be balanced and composed when trying to charm someone, being personal is really not the right thing to do. Also, the intended person has to be in a mood to listen to what you are saying and doing. The kind of bond and relationship you share with a person, goes a long way in determining whether or not the person can be charmed by you. As mentioned earlier, there are no set rules, no right way, charming and being charmed is all in the mind and the heart. It is an emotion. It is highly attributable to the person, the thought process, the relationship dynamics, the circumstances and most importantly ones true nature.

Our celebrities charm the entire world. How do they do that? They are not born naturals. They have learnt the art over the years, in their case its a need in their profession. Also, it also is a lot due to the kind of image we have in our minds for them. When a person is in love, involved romantically with someone, no other person can charm the person as much as the one whom he loves. Surprisingly, the person may not be making any efforts to charm him/her, but they are still spell bound. In this case, it is all perception with the person not really making any effort. Someone may just find you charming. It’s as simple as that or rather not. Well, this discussion is just endless.

The crux of the matter is, by being good humans, we can all be charmers. For someone who is not famous and not a celebrity, he/she can still be a charmer for their near and dear ones. All you have to be is a kind, loving and gentle human being. Two words said with love and affection can have a huge impact on the person to whom its said. All philosophies, books, motivational and spiritual gurus would agree that there is no right way to make a person happy. We have to in-built in ourselves the the art of staying happy and contended. We would automatically be charmed by everyone and everything around us if we are happy and contended human beings.

Dr Prem Jagyasi

Dr Prem Jagyasi

Author, Chartered Consultant, Personal Branding Expert & Global Trainer at DrPrem.com
Author of several life improving guide books – Dr Prem is an award winning strategic global leader, successful chartered consultant, personal branding expert and global trainer.  Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries to work with above 150 international organisations and to speak in global conferences. Dr Prem has published several guide books and numerous niche websites which have millions of reader across the globe.
Dr Prem Jagyasi
Dr Prem Jagyasi