Here is a quote – Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.
—Samuel Beckett, Worstward Ho
You might have heard the famous question, ‘While attempting to fail, if you ultimately succeed at failing, then have you failed or have you succeeded?’ This question has no answer. But it states a simple fact. If failure is what you are looking for, then success is guaranteed. The only way you can fail at failing is by not trying.
According to a study published in the Journal of Rational-Emotive & Cognitive-Behavior Therapy51, the fear of failure is present in almost every individual. The only difference is the type of motivation one gains from it. Highly competitive people utilize the impetus received by the fear of failure in working harder and in doing their tasks perfectly. Those with a low level of competence, on the other hand, take it negatively. They are so worried about failure that they don’t do anything. If the task at hand is important, they would just find reasons to procrastinate in order to stay away from the pain of failure.
The anatomy of fear
If you ask people about the time when they were most afraid, the most common answer is like, ‘I was most afraid when the first time I did this…’, or ‘I was most afraid when, for the first time, we went to…’. Uncertainty is one of the major causes of anxiety, and when we are absolute beginners at something, it is at its peak. Thanks to the internet and social media, now we know how great other people are at doing things, so while starting something we already have extremely high standards before us. However, rather than courting the obvious fact that we can’t meet their high standards no matter how hard we try, we decide to not do anything and let our fears reinforce our false pride. We shut all the doors that lead us to discover our true selves.
How to face your fears
The answer to the above question is obvious and very simple. The only way of defeating your fears is by facing them. Nevertheless, you can bring a twist to the situation by not attempting to succeed this time, but by attempting to fail. This will not only curb your fears but also give you the motivation to try new things that you earlier thought was impossible for you. When you just want to fail, what difference does it make whether the task at hand requires any expertise or not? In fact, you can fail more easily if the task is a difficult one.
Make a list of ‘failable’ activities
There are many exceptions to the above rule. You can decide to fail at a dance competition or even a stand-up act for that matter, but you cannot decide to fail at a business venture where too much capital is involved or at an adventurous expedition where your life is at stake. So, before deciding what you want to fail at, why not make a list of ‘failable’ activities? Just ask yourself, is it okay if you fail at a date? Is it okay to lose a basketball game? If the answer is yes, include that activity in your list of ‘failable’ activities and do them with a singular aim of failing. That would help you in getting the most enjoyment out of whatever you do, and in boosting your self-confidence.
Include your friends as well
Since doing something like this all by yourself might make you look odd, it will be better if you involve your friends in it. You can keep a journal of your failures – and at the end of the week compare it with those of your friends. If you get too many friends into this, you can even organize a competition where you decide the ‘failure of the week’ and the ‘failure of the year’, etc. Making a group of failures is also not a bad idea at all. It will be great fun, and will give you a great deal to talk about!
Thrive on your anxiety
To be honest, even while attempting to fail, you cannot completely obliterate anxiety. However, there’s one thing you can do. In such situations, think of one man: Elvis Presley ‘The King’. Renowned as one of the most electrifying performers of his time, in his real life, Elvis was a perfect antithesis of what he was on stage. Shy, nervous and inhibited, he suffered so much anxiety before his performances that he couldn’t even talk properly. However, he didn’t let his anxiety inhibit him. On the contrary, when he was on stage, he would let it take over him. He would tremble, shake and shout, and drive his audience mad with his wild energy. It was his anxiety that made him ‘The King of Rock and Roll’. Had he let it come in his way and refrained from doing anything, he wouldn’t have achieved half of what he had. Just like most of us, he too had an enormous store of energy within him in the form of stress and anxiety. The only difference is that he overcame his fear of failure and found a medium of utilizing it in a creative and satisfying way.
Fear is natural
Never feel guilty because you are afraid. Fear is one of the many survival instincts that make us perfectly human. Remember, had our ancestors not been afraid of anything, humans would not have survived this long. Fear is a part of our existence. It is up to us whether we use it as a source of motivation, or whether we let it become a hindrance. If we do not do anything about it, it will surely harm us in the long run. It might backfire in the form of some anxiety disorder, which is something that already affects about 18.1 percent of people in America alone52. But don’t worry, to successfully get over the fear, you just need to realize one thing – fear is okay and so is failure. The easiest way of doing this is by failing. By aiming at failure, you remove a large part of the anxiety that separates you from the failure. This makes doing things much easier for you.
