It is easy to go on the defensive while being in an argument and is something that must be watched out for. The presence of strife in any situation only works towards its worsening. Here we have given some pointers to deal with arguments in a mature and peaceful manner.
Give complete attention
One of the simplest reasons someone close to you becomes increasingly argumentative is a need for attention. This could be your spouse, your parent or even your child. It will do well to consider for a moment if you have been sidelining your responsibilities at home, or if work has been eating up into your family time. The first step in dealing with attention seeking arguments is to leave what you are doing and give them your complete attention. That in itself is the battle half won.
Be all ears
One of the best methods of diffusing hostility in arguments is to hear the opposite party out. Be it a difficult neighbor or an adamant colleague, by giving them an opportunity to get their anger and arguments out of their system, you would be helping them to let out some steam.
Saying, “Ok, I’m all ears, tell me what the problem is” is not easy, especially if you have been harmed in some way. But, if you are willing to practice a little patience, giving them the opportunity to present their side of the case will cause an otherwise stressful situation to deflate.
Remember the points that don’t sit well with you and calmly give your reasons, after they are done presenting their case.
Modify body language
Considering that body language and tone of voice constitute ninety seven percent of our communication, it is only right to pay attention to it, especially whilst dealing with arguments.
A harsh tone is guaranteed to lose any goodwill that could have possible helped salvage the situation. Be consciously aware of your tone and work at keeping it neutral.
Also, aggressive and defensive postures such as hands on the hips, or arms across your chest should be avoided as they will only serve to make the other person angrythe same. However, mirroring techniques, will help bring down tensions as they send out signals that make the other person respond positively to you. Some examples of mirroring are, sitting down if the other person sits, or taking a sip from your glass when they do. Remember, mirroring should be subtly done, else it might come across as ridicule.
Find a better time
If an argument is quickly going out of control and if the attacks are starting to become personal, it is an excellent idea to not participate in it.
Gently, but firmly, tell the person that you feel that they are very angry right now and that this is not a good time to discuss the matter. Inform them, that you will be ready to have a discussion after they have calmed down. Once this is done, leave the room or the area immediately.
By not having someone to shout at or argue with, they will have no choice but to gain control of their feelings and reactions.
Remember, that this is only the first step of dealing with the argument. After some time, when you feel that they (and you) have calmed down, go back and ask if they are ready to speak now. At all times, keep a neutral, if not friendly tone.
The idea is to be approachable enough for them to have a decent conversation with you, but at the same time, to be confident and strong enough to not have them think that you can be walked over.
Dig deep
Sometimes, unaware about ourselves, we might hurt others or cause them some form of annoyance or discomfort. Though some people are vocal about such things, some people choose to repress these instances which might build up over time and much to our shock, reach a deafening crescendo. Especially in the cases of friends, family members or people you have spent a considerable amount of time with, constant arguments could be a sign of unexpressed emotions.
Both for your peace of mind and theirs, its good to ask them if there is anything you have done to hurt them in any way. Since some of them might not even be aware that they are repressing the memories, it might take a while before the truth comes out. However, be ready to hear some truths about yourself. It might be painful, but it might be the only way to avoid further unnecessary arguments.
