Guide to deal with unwanted attention and stalkers and put an end to it

Getting unwanted attention can be a scary or irritating experience depending on what situation you are faced with. The term stalking is very often heard, which is a kind of unwanted attention but may lead to dangerous consequences if not nipped in the bud. You never know what can give rise to unwanted attention or stalking as you do not have control on other’s mind and thoughts.

Unwanted attention can be from a stranger, an older boy whom you are not interested in or in a group where you just want to remain low profile. Here are some ways to deal with the situation.

Importance of being firm and serious

 couple talking

If the unwanted attention comes from a member of the opposite sex in whom you are not in any way interested, probably you need to be a little firm and stern in your assertion that you are really not interested. Being firm will most often send the boys packing to some other victim who craves for attention. Most women find it difficult to be firm and go on being polite and weak hearted when they deal with attention. This will give a mixed response as some boys can take it as a cue that you are actually interested and basking in the attention. Keep a straight face and speak firmly about your preferences and disinterest. It helps if you can react in front of others so that the boys will be too ashamed to go on pestering you. However, be cautious when you react as it should not insult the person and make him your enemy and cause more trouble.

Dress up properly

Most unwanted attention comes from the fact that girls involved are not dressed adequately and give the message that they are available and very outspoken. Avoid wearing revealing clothes if you do not want to attract attention. Be fashionable if you want, but draw a line between fashion and vulgarity and ensure that you are adequately covered and decently dressed as well. This will help you to earn respect among others and no one will be interested in messing up with you. Dressing appropriately and having a no nonsense attitude will help you avoid unwanted attention wherever you go. You must also make sure that you do not wear very bright and shiny clothes and accessories which too are factors that can attract unwanted attention.

Assess your body language

attracting unwanted attention from boys

Many women who are perfectly well behaved and good, end up attracting unwanted attention from boys. Here, they could be giving them wrong signals. Check your body language if you have been attracting all the wrong kind of boys to your side. Check the way you sit. Girls who sit with their legs apart and high up may not earn good points with boys. It is also important to know how to behave when you are with a group. Constant giggling, eye contact with boys and pulling your skirt down or shirt up when you are uncomfortable may all be taken as promiscuity by boys when you are actually not so.

Check with your trusted girl and guy friends if you have been sending the wrong signals unknowingly. This will help you understand your mistake and correct it before it is too late. If you have friends who are honest and mean well, you do not even have to ask them about it. They will let you know that your body language needs assessment.

Keep away

Whatever you do to remain in the good books of others whether it is the way of dressing, behavior, body language and habits, if you have attracted the attention of a stalker for reasons that are best known to him, you need to be really careful. In such cases, nothing might work. Try to keep away from stalkers and do not remain alone or give him a chance to meet you alone. Keep all your personal details a secret and do not give him details like name, address, contact number etc. Alert your friends and co workers about his presence and tell them to be wary of accidentally giving out any details about you as well.

Seek help from others

woman seeking police assistance

Stalkers and boys who are difficult to shake off must not be ignored in any way. Let your relatives and friends know about his existence and if required, you must also seek police assistance. Many a time, girls have lost their lives or have been brutally raped, injured or kidnapped by stalkers and boys who could not take the rejection. Therefore, ensure that you let the concerned people know and keep your family informed as well. Ensure your safety as well by keeping away from lonely areas, remaining alone at home etc. Mishaps can happen to anyone and it is you who have to be careful.

How to deal with a stalker

Having to deal with a stalker could be one of the scariest of experiences in your life. Stalkers can be very dangerous and it is important to have a few points in mind when you have to deal with them.

Stay away from his reach

In most cases, stalkers would be people who are known to you some way or the other. If this is the situation, make sure that you are not communicating to him or allowing yourself to be in his scrutiny, knowingly or unknowingly. If you find that he is following your or watching you, do not hesitate to change the route that you normally take and the time as well. If you have to walk, make sure that you use roads that are busy and not lonely lanes and by lanes. If your stalker is a stranger whom you have never met, ensure that you do not lead him to your house or places that you frequent. Try to stay away from your residence for a few days and see if he stops stalking you. Some stalkers can get bored and move on if they do not see you for some days together.

Change your personal details

woman-changing-personal-details

People who are dangerous need to be dealt with carefully. It is important that you change your personal details like mobile phone numbers, social networking profiles etc. which are easily accessible to stalkers. Never accept mails and parcels from strangers, especially when you are alone at home. Make arrangements for your mail to be delivered to a private box. You must also ensure that your phone number is unlisted and house address is blocked as well so he cannot get these details from anywhere. Never accept his calls if he has been troubling with phone calls and messages. Hook your old number to the answering machine or stop using that number altogether. Responding, even if it is in a rude manner, might encourage him more and make matters worse.

Inform friends and relatives

This is something that all women fail to do. Many of them would have stalkers who are ex boyfriends or people with whom they have had a past that they do not want to reveal. So they keep things a secret and end up in a messy situation. Whatever your previous or present association with the stalker, it is important to keep your friends and relatives informed about what is happening. This will help them support you in the right manner. When stalkers come to know that family and friends are involved, they would not be as bold and would back off on their own. Remember that stalkers are more interested in lonely women and those who are shy and reticent and would want to keep matters under wraps. Such women are easy targets as stalkers have an edge over them and many a time these women are the ones who are brutally raped, murdered or kidnapped with no one coming to know what has actually happened.

Safety precautions

consider getting a dog for your safety

Safety is of utmost importance when you have a stalker. At no point of time should you risk being alone at home or on the roads. You might want to consider getting a dog for your safety if you stay alone or travel alone, especially at odd hours. At all times, keep your friends and family informed about your whereabouts. Your mobile phone should be with you at all times, even when you are asleep in your room. This will allow you to call for help even if you are trapped at home or in a room. Stay away from your house or neighborhood for sometime if your stalker has not yet discovered your house. It is also important to keep all suspicious mails, letters, gifts, messages and voice messages so that you can lodge a complaint in case of grave issues.

Inform the police

If the stalker is getting particularly menacing and is troubling you round the clock, it is time to act. Do not hesitate to inform the police as this could even save your life. If you receive threatening calls and messages even in the night, stay away from your home or go to a safer place where you are never alone and people cannot barge into the place where you stay without passing through security guards. Stay in a secure place until the menace is dealt with, and you no longer have to worry about anything.

Put an End to Stalkers

Woman defending herself

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel that someone is following you or that you are being watched by someone? If so, you could very likely be a victim of stalking. While you may be inclined to ignore this seemingly harmless stalking, knowing how you can put an end to the stalking or handling a stalker can help save your life. Below are some important pointers you will want to bear in mind. There definitely exists a difference between casually bumping into someone once in a while and someone who is constantly there somehow all the time. If you feel, that someone might be watching you, then you will need to pay extra attention to your surroundings.

Notice your surroundings to find patterns which could be associated with stalking. For instance, is there a same car that always follows you wherever you go or do you always end up seeing the same person at the same place and same time? Also take note of faces which may look familiar or note down phone numbers and messages or mails which come from unknown sources. After documenting these details, you may want to head to turn to a professional to help you work through this difficult situation. Law enforcement officers or agencies can help make you take the right move with regard to handling a stalker. Laws and regulations regarding stalking vary from place to place and so do legal actions. Submit your documentation to the authorities and then obtain advice on how to approach this situation. The police for instance may for instance, look up criminal records and also be with you at places where you think you are being followed.

You could also practice self-defence and take up self-defence classes like Martial Arts or Karate. You could also carry a pepper spray or whistle along so that you are not left helpless if faced in a life threatening situation. This having said, the best defence to practice is to leave a dangerous situation as soon as possible and avoid any potential dangerous situations. Periodically, while you are out, you could also send your GPS location to trusted friends so that they know where you are at any one time. This will also help friends track you down should you need immediate assistance.

For some time, you may want to avoid travelling alone. Have someone to accompany you especially if you have to go out at night. Stalkers can be unpredictable and may be dangerous. As such, move around with a friend or family member until the situation is dealt with. If you have to go somewhere alone, avoid lonely areas or travelling late at night. These extra precautions will help save your life. It always pays to be vigilant.

Dr Prem Jagyasi and Team

Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.

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