Depending upon the seriousness of a relationship, the level of emotional trauma that comes with a breakup also varies, as in, the teenage breakups are less painful compared to the ones that one goes through in the later years of life. Breakups put one on a roller coaster ride of emotions that is not easy to deal with. It requires great patience and understanding.
An understanding that whatever is happening to you after a breakup is normal, like the anger, frustration and the mood swings you are having are obvious. In addition, the behavior, which is not normal, is when you decide not to move on and to cling to the olden days and feelings because doing this would do you no good, rather it will only hurt you. Following are the emotional stages, which every individual passes through after a breakup:
A breakup comes as a big shock, sometimes so big that people find it better to end their lives than to go through this turmoil but this is the biggest mistake to commit, in fact, it is a crime. A shock is natural, and some people use disbelief as a defense mechanism against it. Some continue to disbelieve their breakup for days, weeks, and even months. This phase is tough, which one can make easy and less painful by practicing meditation and other activities that help to calm them down.
Denial is an emotional response that we human beings use in difficult situations where we do not quite like reality. It is a way to give a fake consolation to our mind that nothing hurtful is happening, although, in reality, it happens. The denial stage in a breakup is when a partner has not completely given up on his relationship and still hopes to reunite. In this phase, some calls, emails, and texts are normal.
Seclusion or isolation is one dangerous stage in a breakup. It comes after one accepts a breakup and goes in a stupor. The person starts living in the flashback and hurts oneself by rewinding all the past memories. It gets even worse when one starts either blaming oneself for a breakup, or regrets falling in love in the first place.
A person withdraws oneself from the outer world and likes to sit all alone in a room, and sometimes in dark. Many times such people completely ignore their personal hygiene and do not feel like taking showers or getting haircuts. This is a serious emotional stage and the person should put in all efforts to come out of it as soon as possible.
After a breakup, a person feels an upsurge of two emotions altogether, anger and guilt. One keeps going to the past, muses over time spent together, and goes into depression. One feels as if everything has ended and finds it hard to get over him or her. One feels guilty, angry, regret falling in love, and getting into a relationship. Their state resembles one being in a mild depression but one should be strong enough to get over these negative feelings and be positive and hopeful about a bright and prosperous future.
Acceptance is the last stage, and this stage comes only when an absolute understanding comes in and you learn that things went wrong but now you will make them right and lead a better life, much better than before. Now you feel energetic and positive, and the thoughts that prevail in your mind are about the future and very few about the past. It is like the beginning of a new life.
Dealing with Seclusion After a Bad Breakup
Breakup is hard on the heart. When you are living together with someone you just broke up with, it becomes even harder. But life doesn’t stop there. The best way to cope up with a breakup is to accept its occurrence. These ways may make this task easy for you.
As it happens, in a long relationship, people involved adjusting so much according to the other person that their individual preference and a single life ceases to exist. More so, when you are seeing that person waking up under the same roof as you. Revive your hobbies, choices, and individual preferences. Not only would it help you come out of a routine that you were used to, but it would also help you in connecting to yourself and make you emotionally stronger.
2. Get back to friends
Take out time for your friends that got lost while you were busy dating your boyfriend or girlfriend. Plan a few outings with them. Talk it out with your friends, invite them over at your place. This would help you get used to your place as ‘yours’ instead of the prior ‘ours’. Don’t run away from your place just because your ex is sharing the same place as you.
3. Leave your ex behind
Disassociate yourself with whatever your ex is doing. The more you inquire about it, the more insecure and jealous you would feel. He/she is having a gala time with his/her friends shouldn’t bother you. And yes, don’t try to steal a look at his or her social networking account. It wouldn’t let you leave your past behind. If you were growing your hair or getting clean shaved just because your ex wanted it while you were in a relationship, change it. Go, get a haircut, or grow a stylish beard. Go shopping and do everything that you avoided doing during the relationship. You would feel refreshed.
Dealing with Obsession After a Bad Breakup
Certain individuals tend to become obsessive about their partners, lovers, or crushes. They start daydreaming about the other person, start becoming more dependent on him/her, start fantasizing about leading a life with him/her and even start stalking him/her. Most of the time, these individuals exhibit such behavior in order to fulfill their emotional needs. So if you think you might belong to this group of individuals and be obsessed about someone, then here are some tips to help you overcome that obsession.
The first thing you would need to get rid of that person’s thoughts from your head would be to throw away his/her pictures for good. This would prevent your mind from attaching emotionally to any kind of memorabilia associated with that person. While you are at it, you may also consider ditching his/her letters, gifts, and everything you ever received from him/her.
Stop following him/her on Twitter, Facebook, and all other social networking sites. Staring at their photos, checking their status updates, and checking every other post they are tagged in would only increase your obsession. Stop calling and texting him/her repeatedly and divert your mind to focus on something else. With time, you would be able to overcome this obsession.
Sit down and think about your behavior on rational grounds. Does fantasize or daydreaming about him/her overtake all the other priorities in your life? Although a little bit of fantasizing is ok, it can become a problem if your thoughts about him/her start interfering with your actions. And that is when you need to put a full stop to things.
Distract your mind from thinking about him/her. Rather, try to focus on other things that you find interesting. It may be a book you love to read or a movie you love to watch. Just do something at that moment to distract your mind from thinking about him/her. This would help you to control yourself as and when the obsessive thoughts start creeping in.
If you are obsessive, chances are you may be dedicating too much time to the other person than taking care of yourself. This would eventually lower your self-esteem. So take some time off to think about yourself and focus on increasing your self-esteem first. Take good care of yourself. Eat properly, exercise right, and get enough sleep to look and feel better. Do these things, thinking that the other person would tend to notice you more this way. Eventually, you would learn to love yourself more and come to realize that his/her feelings just don’t count.
Your last resort to dealing with this obsession in love is to see a therapist who would recommend the next course of action for you (something like OCD could also be likely cause). A therapist would be the best person to give you a proper insight on how to handle your obsession effectively.
Dealing with Post Breakup Depression
When a long relationship or marriage ends, it becomes tough to forget everything. Eventually, people who suffer from breakup have to face many difficult situations in life and go into depression. A breakup can turn your whole world upside down. Here we have given some tips deal with depression after a breakup.
1. Take breakup in a positive way
Break up hurts a lot even when a long relationship becomes bitter. After having a breakup, it is normal to feel depressed, alone, and sad. It not only hurts but also feels the loss of shared commitments and dreams. You need to take a breakup in a positive way, try to think in another way such as your partner was not at all suitable for you. You may feel more frustrated and anxious about your future, but think, living with such a person may also lead your life to be more bitter. You still have a better future ahead. Accept the changes and break up, it will lessen your pain over time. If your relationship is going unhealthy give yourself a break.
2. Keep yourself occupied
Dealing with depression is very hard. Try to keep yourself occupied. Plan with friends to go out for shopping, movie, long tour it will help you to forget some pain. Spend more time with family, meet a lot of people and take help from friends if required.
3. Take out all things of your ex and stop acting like a victim
Take out all the things that remind you of him/her. Things like his/her photos, letters, greeting cards, and more, put them in a box and keep that box in a safe place and away from you where you can’t reach. This will help you to deal with depression and stress. Don’t throw it all in anger, you may feel guilty later. Whenever you meet him/her don’t act like a victim, behave normally. Remember always, the relationship makes and breaks for a reason nothing is ever wasted in life.
Avoiding Drama on Social Media
The Internet may have many pros and cons, and one of the negatives is that it gives people the opportunity to humiliate others. Facebook, for example, is one of the main platforms for the people to pass out any negative comment they’d like to pass, something they won’t say face to face. When going through a breakup, one of the major problems that many people have to face is the Social Media drama. So let’s look at some of the things you can do to avoid Social Media drama during a breakup.
1. Change your privacy settings
This is the first and foremost thing you should do during a breakup. Private your wall from your ex or better yet block them. It won’t be easy but it’s worth it. This way you might stop peeping into his profile every now and then. The ex’s status updates will haunt and irritate you during the first few days or months of break up so it is best to just block them.
It is likely that you will feel very emotional, very tense, and very upset after a breakup especially if you thought that he was the one, the one you were planning on to spend the rest of your life with. What you need to do is, balance out your emotions. Do not upload sentimental or cursing statuses, this might give people a chance to talk about your breakup. If you want to talk about it to your friend, do it face to face.
If you want to do it on Social Media then don’t start a wall to wall conversation. Bring up your stressful breakup conversation on a chat. Do not make it public. If you think your ex or someone else is creating a drama out of all this, unfriend them immediately. You do not need someone telling you who you are and what are you doing wrong. You know about yourself more than anyone else on this planet does.
3. Avoid Social Media
Try to minimize the usage of Social Media. I’m sure you can live without it for a few days or weeks. Occupy yourself in other activities like painting or reading. If possible, deactivate your Social Media accounts for a few days. This would help you to get over your ex in a shorter period of time and you will be back to enjoying your life in no time.
Breakup is a roller coaster ride of emotions, which starts with all negative and sad emotions and moves to all positive and high-spirited emotions. It is imperative to remain level headed throughout the ordeal and keep yourself in check.