Stepmother may be ‘too good’ or ‘too bad’. She may be ‘pushy’ or ‘unwelcoming’. She may try to ‘replace’ your mother by giving you immense love or she may try to push your dad out of your life.
A stepmother has many shades or may be these shades are developed in the mind of stepchildren. However, if a stepmother is over-interfering and trying to be too smart in front of your dad then it may create problems for stepchildren. Younger kids often are gelled with stepmother quite easily, but it is slightly difficult for a ’20 something’ stepchild.
In your 20’s you are an adult and understand the ins and outs of life. You are out of your teenage and have your own life that you do not like to be interrupted, especially by your stepmother. However, you can decide that your stepmother is a ‘nice one’ or a ‘wicked one’. If you are lucky to have a stepmother who has already earned accolades from your family for being extremely nice to you and your dad then it’s your duty to accept her, but unfortunately if your dad has made a wrong choice after your mom then beware!
Here are some ways that may help you in dealing with your stepmother
Do not allow her to push you out of your dad’s life
After your mom, your dad is your closest so being an adult you should make sure that your dad is always yours. It is good if your dad is inclined towards your new mom, but it does not mean that you should be out of his life. Try to help your dad in his daily chores and stay close to him as much as possible. See your dad everyday and take time to discuss your life with him.
No ‘replacement’ of your mom
When you become an adult, it is quite difficult to accept your step mom as your mother. In that situation, no need to show your resentment to your new mom. Politely you can tell her that you do not want your mom’s replacement, however she can be your dad’s new love.
Discuss things with her courteously
If you think that, she is ‘probing’ or ‘over-pushy’ then talk to her graciously about your disliking. You can tell her that you do not like her interference and she should stay away from your life and decisions. Being an adult, you know how to deal with your life.
Do not fight… rather have cordial relations with her
Even if you do not love your stepmother, you should try to maintain a cordial relation with her. Your father has married that woman and he loved her, so it is your duty to respect your father’s choice. In your 20’s you have your own choices, but sometimes for family peace, you have to do some adjustments.
Try to protect your siblings
If you have younger siblings, then it is your duty to protect them after your mother. Your dad may be out of the house leaving you all with your stepmother. If the stepmother is good enough then no issues, but if she is wicked then you must be your sibling’s caretaker. However, you should not give a feeling to your younger siblings that stepmother is ‘not good’ rather try to pacify things.
Keep check on her activities
Good stepmother would never make ‘plans’, but a wicked stepmother will always have a plan in mind to make you look down especially in front of your dad. Therefore, it is essential that you keep a check on what she is doing and what she is telling to your father. She may pretend to be a ‘nice mother’ by taking care of before your dad, but her intentions may be against you. So be cautious.
Control her interference in your relationships
If you think that, your stepmother is an impious woman and does not want to do anything good for you then try to avoid discussing your personal relationships in front of her. May be your dad wants you to talk to her about it, but you should take care of not disclosing things to her. It may ruin your relationships largely.
As said earlier, stepmothers are of two types, so you should first identify her nature and then think about the ways to deal with her. Good stepmother is not difficult to handle, as she already knows the ways to gain your love and affection. If she is extending her love to you then do not hesitate to accept her. Although she could not replace your mother, she can always be a friend and a guide to you. Probably you cannot tell her the things that you cannot share with your dad being a youngster. So, try to comprehend the situation rather than acting on them atrociously.