Do you have a fear of your boyfriend or feel physically threatened? Are you having trouble expressing your emotions or are you verbally abused? If any of your answer is yes, then you may be abused. Read more to know how to deal with an abusive boyfriend.
Understand the signs of abuse
Most of the girls or women fail to deal with their abusive boyfriends because they fail to understand the signs of abuse. Therefore, the first step is to understand the signs of abuse. Physical abuse is easily distinguishable if your boyfriend gets aggressive, violent and hits you physically, bangs on doors or walls. During an argument, if your boyfriend throws verbal abuses or tries to belittle you or condemn you by using excessively harsh words, then that is verbal abuse. Emotional abuse is difficult to recognize. If you have difficulties in discussing about your feelings with your partner or he undermines your self esteem, criticizes you too much, tries to isolate you from your friends and family, limit your access to work, socialize or money, threatens to harm you, others or himself if you try to leave him, then it is the sign of emotional abuse. Understanding the signs of abuse is crucial because how you deal with the abuse depends largely upon the fact how you recognize the abuse. Please remember that you are not the reason for the abuse. Most boyfriends after acting out physical or verbal abuse tend to say things like, ‘Look what you made me do,’ or ‘It was all your fault that I had to beat you up.’ But you have to understand that it is not your fault, but your boyfriend’s unresolved frustrations and pent up anger that leads to abuse. Know that most of the abusive boyfriends seem to be fine otherwise. They tend to appear caring, kind and people may have hard time believing that they might be abusive. But you have to realize that they have another side, different from what the world thinks about them. Once you understand this, you are ready to deal with the problem.
Rational talk
A rational talk with your boyfriend may help you to deal with verbal abuse (although this is not recommended for emotional or physical abuse). You have to be kind and generous. Be courteous. It is difficult to be respectful when your partner verbally abuses you and hurls out accusations, but you have to talk to him and explain it to him that it wrong to say abuses during a fight. Try and explain her/him that arguments and relationship issues should be discussed comfortably and that he should not raise his voice or abuse you because he wants to end a discussion or win over an argument. This may be difficult. Some men may start abusing you even when you try to stay calm. If your boyfriend doesn’t indulge in rational talks, then you will have to deal with him in other ways.
Walk out
If you have been a victim of physical abuse, then you must understand that walking out of the relationship is the best option for you. If you are living with your boyfriend, then you must make note of female shelters that may help you in times of crises. Keep this list away from your boyfriend’s reach so that you can contact the shelter people in case of trouble. Also, tell your boyfriend that you will call the cops the next time he acts physically abusive. But no matter what, get out of that house and that relationship. It is difficult to leave the guy that you love, but you must understand that if your boyfriend is beating, then he isn’t loving you. Dependency on the boyfriend may be a reason that you don’t get out of the relationship, but understand that this is the best option for you as well your boyfriend. He needs to understand that you will not deal with unnecessary drama and disrespect. Also, change the thinking that if you will stay with your boyfriend and change all your habits, behavior, then he will start loving and end his abusive habits. Physical abuse will happen even if you change your habits, because the problem is not with you, it is with your boyfriend. So, instead of staying with him and waiting for love to change the situation, take control of your life and leave the relationship.
See beyond the pleas
When you leave a boyfriend who physically abuses you, there are chances that he might try to get you back. Within days of you leaving him, you might see him getting down on his knees, pleading you to forgive him. In several situations, the boyfriend may tell you that he didn’t even know that he was physically abusing you. He might call you, stalk you, follow you, cry and plea incessantly that you come back to him. He will promise you that he won’t ever repeat his behavior again. You might be tempted to give him a second chance, after all you love him and he is pleading you. But think again. Don’t you wonder what caused him to suddenly change after you left him? Well, the reason he is pleading you to come back might not be his love for you, but his frustration. He was physically abusive because he wanted to control you. He never thought that you will leave, so now he is trying to get you back so that he can regain control. He will be good for the first few days, but he will come back to his actions. Therefore, don’t listen to these pleas. This may be very difficult, but tell him that if he loves you, he should prove his worth and bring back the trust. Ask him to meet a therapist, seek counseling. The guy must be having some unresolved issues, control issues and other behavioral problems. If he really loves, then he would go for the counseling and therapy sessions. If you really want to go back to him then resume the relationship only when he completes his therapy. In case the guy stalks you or threatens you, get a restrain order against him.
Seek help
You yourself might be having dependency issues or depression owing to the abuse. You need to get back your self confidence and self esteem. Therefore, seek counseling. If you have ended your relationship due to physical abuse, then you must seek therapy alone. In the meantime, your boyfriend can also seek therapy and you can reconcile if his behavioral problems have ceased and you want to be back with him. If you have a verbally abusive or emotionally abusive boyfriend, there are high chances that you might not end up your relationship with him. In such cases, it is recommended that you go for couple counseling. A therapist will help you deal with your self esteem issues while s/he will also help your boyfriend to deal with his behavioral problems. Remember, therapy is essential for both the abuser and the victim as the abuser has unresolved issues, pent up anger and frustrations that lead to abusive behavior while the victim may suffer the psychological after-affects of the abuse.
