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How to deal with a step child

How to deal with a step child

Things with step-families generally do not progress smoothly. Most of the times, step child may be disrespectful and snobbish. But with patience, understanding, love and care, you can deal with your step child. Here are some tips to deal with stepchild.

Planning and laying the foundations

After a divorce, the temptation to rush into remarriage after finding a new loving relationship can be really high. But you need to keep those temptations aside for some moments so that you and your partner can plan ahead and lay stronger foundations for a blended step-family wherein your step child can develop liking for the new family and your relationship can be strengthened. For this, make sure that before you decide to exchange vows, you must develop a friendly relationship with your going to be step child. You must know that although you cannot replace his father/mother, but you can create a own niche for yourself. Remember that too many changes for a child can be quite traumatic and upsetting. Therefore, don’t rush into new marriage as soon as your partner divorces his spouse. Instead wait for sometime so that you can deal with the issues of your step child. Also, before getting married, talk to your partner about what parenting changes you and your partner can bring together and make a few adjustments before you get married. This will ensure that the step child will be able to make a smoother transition. Both of you must discuss these parenting changes with your children so that step children don’t become angry at your new spouse for initiating any changes.

Don’t expect things to change overnight

If you have already married your partner and worry about the way your step-child is behaving, then you must limit your expectations. As a new parent, you must understand that your step-child’s behavior will not change overnight. Don’t expect her/him to start loving you unconditionally as soon as you and your partner are married. Instead, get to know your step-child. Love her/him and nurture your relationship slowly and steadily. Limiting your expectations will allow you to make small changes in your behavior that might lead long time results. Also, give love, time, energy, warmth and affection to your step child. don’t make your step child feel unloved. If you have your own kids, then don’t differentiate between your own children and your step child. Remember, like your own children, your step-child will also want to feel safe and secure. So, make sure that your step child can count you during the times of troubles. Help your step child to become blended in your family through a gradual process involving love and affection.

Communicate

Children want to be seen and valued. So, if your step-child is feeling unimportant or invisible during family time or discussions, then s/he may develop resentment against you and may act disrespectfully. So, recognize the role of your step-child in the family. Create an open environment for the child so that s/he feels hears and emotionally connected the new step parent. By communicating to your step child, you can help her/him deal with the changes. Also, encourage your step child to talk, so that the child is able to discuss her/his opinions. Show your step child that you can view the situation from their perspective. This will make your step child feel emotionally connected to you. There are various occasions when a step child may act disrespectfully and may behave in a snobbish manner. In such conditions, you should act strongly and calmly. Talk to the child about how you feel when s/he disrespects you but focus on the fact that you will love her/him and take care of her/him no matter how s/he behaves.

Appreciate but never punish

Whenever your step child tries to break the shackles and attempts to form a bond with you, you must appreciate her/him for the attempt. Appreciation is the key to a child’s heart. A step child who feels appreciated by her/his step parent will definitely feel more encouraged to develop a friendly and loving bond with the step parent. This way you will be able to deal with the behavior of your step child. But at the same time, if your step child makes mistakes or acts disrespectfully, then don’t punish her/ him. Rather correct the child by informing her/him that their behavior is not acceptable. Don’t get mad at your step-child. Be patient and if the child continues to be disrespectful, then avoid or leave such a situation. If your step child is not a teen, then your appreciating and avoiding behavior to her/his acceptable and unacceptable respectively will help the child to develop positive ways of behaving. But if the child is a teen, then you must talk to the child and express your concerns. Try to build up a positive rapport with your teenage step child.

Get help from your spouse

You cannot deal with your step child alone. If you really want to have a nurturing, loving bond with your step child, then you need to ask your partner to help you deal with everything. Your spouse knows about the kid, he knows what your step child loves, what he hates and how to deal with his tantrums or disrespectful behavior. Your spouse can help the step child understand how much this new family means to you and how much you love and care about the step child. A genuine conversation between you, your spouse and the step child to create a more loving environment. Getting help from your spouse can help you deal with a step child.

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