It is not easy to identify a narcissist. They are highly deceptive and manipulative. In life, you will encounter a narcissist at least once. Although it is possible that you may not have to deal with a narcissist in a major way ever; chances are that you might have to combat the narcissism in a way that can change your life. The worst place to come face to face with narcissism is in legal locations – especially a court. In a court, a narcissist cannot be ignored. This makes dealing with him much more difficult, be it for a lawyer, opponent, judge or family. So, the general rules of dealing with narcissism do not apply here. Here we have given some ways to deal with a narcissist in court.
Also, most of the times, the narcissist against whom you are standing your ground turns out to be someone you know. What if the narcissist you are dealing with is your ex-husband? It is extremely difficult to deal with a narcissistic ex-husband in court. So, before you go against him in the house of law, ensure that you have taken the right steps in dealing with him within the four walls of your house. Read the second section of this article to know how to deal with your narcissist ex-husband outside the court of law.
Never look at the narcissist
Narcissists are attention-seekers. Even a look at him/her feeds to his ego and self-importance, making him/her stronger mentally to face any onslaughts. On the other hand, if he/she is ignored constantly, he/she starts feeling disappointed, frustrated and angry. So, if you want to break a narcissist down in the court, the best way to do so is by ignoring him/her completely. Do not even glance at him/her, unless the court asks you to do so. Do not display any of your feelings towards him/her openly. Make sure that the concerned person realizes that you are not bothered by him/her. This will not only irritate him/her but also shift the balance in your favor. Moreover, you will not feel intimidated when you do not look at him/her.
Deal with the narcissist’s lawyer in a professional manner
It doesn’t take two-and-two to realize that narcissist’s lawyer is much more difficult to deal with than the person himself. For one thing, only a human with a more manipulative mind can deal with a narcissist. Moreover, representing a narcissist is also hazardous for the lawyer’s career as in most of the cases, narcissists stand to lose. So, in order to strengthen the case, the lawyer tends to break the witnesses and the petitioner down by his manipulative questions, which, at times, aim directly at the person’s private matters and embarrassing situations. In this way, he/she tries to make the person on the dock, void for the case. You should not take the bait, and answer his questions calmly, coolly and professionally. If you think the lawyer is going too far, give a pause before answering, so that your lawyer has time to object to the concerned lawyer’s question.
Have a detailed study of the narcissist’s profile
You should procure the case-file and everything that can tell you about the person’s past, feelings and weaknesses. Also, you should study deeply about narcissism and see it from every angle. Do research on the relationships the person has with other people, and try to find out more details about them. In this way, you will be aware of every aspect of the narcissist. This will not only help you gain an upper hand over him/her but also helps you give moral support to your clients. Moreover, by knowing every aspect of your opponent, you can actually make the job of breaking him/her down easier.
Ask the right and tactful questions to the narcissist
Dealing with a narcissist is no less than a game of manipulation. You should know the right questions and statements that should be made to him/her. Most of these questions may not fit well with the court’s code of conduct, so you should be tactful and manipulative enough to communicate your main idea to the narcissist. As these questions attack the narcissist’s weakness directly, it will help you break him/her down in the court. Following are some of the questions and statements you can tell the narcissist:
- He/she does not deserve preferential treatment
- Others are not bothered by his/her needs
- He/she is boring
- No special person will be catering to his needs. A normal or mediocre person will be enough.
- Unlike what he/she believes, he/she is very easy to understand, and his/her motives are too transparent to be obscure.
- He/she will be doing what has been told to him/her.
- No emotional drama from him/her will be tolerated in any sense, and immediate and severe action will be taken.
- No allowances will be entertained for his ego, a wrong perception of himself/her and likewise.
Always tell the truth
The main thing that you should remember is to tell the court every inch of truth relevant to the case, whether it is painful or embarrassing. A narcissist, as a manipulator, is also a very good judge of truth and lies. He/she will catch your lies and hesitation and will use them to fortify himself/herself. This will make it difficult to deal with him/her.
How to deal with a narcissist ex-husband
Narcissists exist in a pretentious world where everything seems to be revolving around them. Conversing with a narcissistic is very much akin to beating your head against a brick wall. A narcissistic ex-husband will obviously have the trepidation of not being in control anymore. It has to be dealt with properly and within time to avoid further complications.
Stop keeping stuff inside you
You have suffered a great deal already and the best way to vent out your misery is to talk it out with folks who care. This is by far the most relaxed and pleasant therapies one can ever get. You do not have to always keep deterring them off. There are a lot of people who are over inquisitive and should mind their own business. But there are also the very few who really worry about you and want you to have a great life with your loved ones. You have to be practical in this case. These are the folks who are going to authenticate your story and benefit you in the long run. Even if you feel this looks too manipulative; go ahead and expel your despair to them. This will reduce your emotional burden and help you in moving ahead without any remorse.
Keep a record
Please keep a record of whatever your ex-hubby does. It is very vital to journal everything right at the moment. This is for you to keep a tab on whatever he does. This can also be something you can give to the therapist to provide him with background information. You have to be careful due to the subject of custodial rights of the children. You do not have to be noisy about it. There is no need to inform your kids or for that matter any other close relative. This is absolutely your ball game and all you have to do is toss the ball at the right court. If your kids are not prepared to hear all the harsh facts, they will pass it on to him. This can be risky because he can use it against you in court. But whatever you do, make sure to keep it recorded in a written format. Stress and anxiety can make you forget important stuff which can help you to prove that your ex-husband was really a narcissist.
Make him go for therapy
This can be a rather tough task since your ex is not a part of your life anymore. It is a very challenging decision but it can work wonders. You have to realize and accept the fact that you can no longer influence him now the way you could earlier. But you can definitely facilitate a progressive remedy for his betterment. This will, in turn, be great for you as well as your kids. A narcissistic person’s world revolves around himself. Anything pricking their huge bubble of ego can cause them to overreact. His mindset should not be negative, skeptical, derogatory, aggressive or disdainful in front of the counselor. The therapy is not some kind of a competition or match. Make sure he is not the one who chooses the therapist. He should also never get a chance to induce him, intimidate him or discredit him in any way. The entire participation has to be positive and helpful. This can only happen when there is active participation from both sides.
This is a very fundamental leap as you have to tackle the situation headlong and deal with it right there and then. He has to be shown the actual version of himself. You cannot just talk about his flaws without mentioning anything good. Most narcissists do not boast of strong self-confidence. They do not show this at all to anyone. So, if you reveal about his follies to anyone including himself, he is bound to hit the ceiling. You certainly do not want to do that. You can always chastise him and let him know that he is incorrect and you do not agree with him. Just because he thinks he is God’s gift to mankind does not make him totally infallible. So the bottom-line is that you have to deny him his narcissistic stock. He might rebel for some time but he will definitely bend down to accommodate your wishes. Your ex-hubby does not want to make his life more convoluted by being emotionally abusive even after the marriage has ended.
Refuse to play his game
It is very essential to decline his call for a game. You know it is never going to be a fair one and it will be you who is going to be the loser. Do not ever victimize yourself too much. You cannot partake in it by being submissive and keeping things concealed. This can only make matters worse. As told earlier, keep everything documented so that you have a counter attack ready. Narcissists do not really make their behavior obnoxious in a personal conjecture. This is the way they function everywhere. Your ex’s foul behavior might shoot up more after the divorce proceedings. This happens mainly because of their constant fear of condemnation and pessimistic mindset. This can really be an excruciating process for you but getting acquainted with this stuff can help you obtain emotional detachment and better coping abilities concerning your ex-husband’s narcissistic behavior.