To be fully seen by somebody, and be loved anyhow – this human offering can border on miraculous. Loving someone means accepting a person’s strengths and flaws, to understand the plain truth that a person is who and what they are, and appreciate him or her for being themselves, instead of trying to change them for our convenience or needs.
The Meaning of love has been muddled over time, and people consider that giddy feeling of elation when we are sexually attracted to someone as love. It is more than just that. People who say that they love each other one moment may not last together very long. The underlying reasons, why people fall in and out of love so often, have more to do with their expectations from each other. They want the other person to be who they could be, or should be, instead of accepting them for whom and what they really are. When we put conditions and constrains on our capacity to love someone, everything becomes fake and superficial when we put conditions on such innate feeling.
Unconditional, by definition means “without conditions or reservations: absolute”. It becomes very hard to define when we attach the word love to it. Upon asking people how they would define unconditional love, you will find as many answers to this question as the number of people you come across. The Bible has always been my reference for many things in life. Luke 23:34 says- “Lord forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.” As they began nailing him to the cross, the soldiers began dividing his clothes among them. This is my definition of unconditional love and always will be.
Parents know that a child blossoms when you provide unconditional love. Children will cry at random, create a mess everywhere every now and then and throw all sorts of tantrums. It is true that children can drive their parents crazy but it does not mean that their parents will stop loving them. The reason why this is even doubly important in the case of children is that they feel more threatened by their parent’s disapproval. The same is true for adults too and once we accept that certain people have traits that take special effort to manage, we become more understanding. These may be called as weaknesses but these can also be the flip side of their strengths.
The key to a successful relationship lies in being comfortable with someone despite his or her bad habits, their manners or even their lack of it. To be the better person in a relationship who understands things from a higher perspective, will eventually help the other person realize what may be going wrong. Pushing someone towards your personal “preferences” and expecting too much will only push them away. Do it in a subtle manner if you have to and be tolerant of the less than perfect behavior. Can you imagine feeling like you just aren’t good enough, the way you are. It feels miserable and is counterproductive towards growth in a relationship.
Having said everything about unconditional love, it definitely does not mean you should condone “all” the bad habits inside a person, especially the ones that are easily changeable. Do not let anyone take your acceptance and understanding for granted. If someone is abusive or immature, you should be open enough to discuss their faults in a subtle manner, and continue to encourage them to understand your point-of view.
Stick it out through the relationship as long as you can, to experience the good that will come your way eventually. If you are willing to put in all the extra effort into this triangle of love, you will find the right person for you.