Insecurity is a behavior that is not limited to women alone. It can happen to men as well. Most often, this arises when you lack self-confidence. There could be much harm caused when this trait gets totally unjustified. Let’s read on to understand how to deal with insecure people.
Though all of us have insecurities of varying degrees, for some, it is a way of life and dealing with such people can be a great challenge. Here are some ways to deal with them, without making the insecure person brood much over his/her insecurity. Do women feel more insecure than men? Is it because they are more emotionally vulnerable? Let us find how to deal with insecure women.
Identify the signs of insecurity to deal with insecure women
Insecure women are very sensitive to criticism. Due to a lack of self-confidence, they fail to accept their own actions. As a result, they wouldn’t be willing to acknowledge their flaws. They care much about what other people think about them. So you will have to make them understand the cause and discuss things in an amicable way.
Get to know the trigger
In most cases insecurity arises from incidents that have affected the person’s mind some way or the other. It could either be a childhood event or a recent event like a divorce that has affected the person’s self esteem. Understanding the trigger will help you deal with the person with more maturity and will also help him/her get through the problem. Through constant advice and support, an insecure person’s mental trauma can be considerably reduced. However, it requires tremendous patience from your part to understand the trigger that cause the insecurity, as insecure women will be confused themselves and might be too insecure to discuss it. Be gentle and coax the person to confide in you. This will help you analyze the person’s mental makeup and hit the right spot which has to be worked upon.
Identify the areas that need to be corrected
Once you have identified the root cause that has lead to the insecure feeling, it becomes easy for you to chart out ways to deal with the person’s insecurity. This exercise requires a lot of patience as insecurity cannot be cured in a day. Slowly, work on her insecurity and try to bring about a positive change. This could be a tiring task, but with time, you will be able to see a marked change in her attitude. An insecure person will always have some insecurity to brood about and she will dwell on this insecurity day and night, twisting and turning it in her mind and asking every other person for reassurance on the insecurity that harbour in her mind. This mentality can not only be taxing for the insecure person, but also for the people they target for seeking reassurance for their insecurity. Never try to comment on their insecurity or offer countless reassurance as it will neither help you nor the insecure person as you will never be able to convince him/her that things are not as they assume.
Allow them to share their fears and troubles with you. You need to help her express her feelings and thoughts about life. They could be insecure about many things in life. Try to identify their biggest challenges and insecurities they face. Most often, it would be about relationships, material needs, about their future or work.
It is good for insecure women to share their worst imaginations and fears with someone close and dear to them. They seek for a shoulder to lean on. So, try to offer your time and ensure that you are the best person that she can trust. She needs to believe that it is absolutely alright to share her feelings of insecurities with you. Spend quality time with her. Build her level of confidence. Bring her to a point where she can rest and trust herself.
Appreciate and do not blame
When you know that a woman is insecure, you may try to prove her wrong and put her down, as it may not be your problem to deal with. But, know that she is a human being as you are, and she also faces her portion of struggles and rough patches in life.
By blaming, you just increase her level of insecurity within herself; but by hearing her out and appreciating her viewpoints, you could be adding value to your relationship with her. Stay polite and teach her instead. She needs to start feeling good about herself. So appreciate all her good qualities. You’ll have to acknowledge her opinion and let her know that it matters to you.
Insecure women feel that they are ignored when it comes to voicing their perspectives or opinions on things and situations around them. It is better to appreciate and acknowledge their angle of life as well.
New endeavors and activities
Insecure women need to move on and understand that life is worth living, and their insecurities wouldn’t actually help them grow in any way. This could be a challenge in the beginning, but it helps in the longer run. They need to be introduced to newer and fresh leaves of life where they can imbibe and enjoy the uniqueness and newness of their lifestyles. Drag their attention to something worthwhile and interesting, apart from their regular work and other personal issues. To deal with insecure women, link them up to activities like sports, music, arts, traveling, indoor games, entertainment and so on. These activities could keep them away from feeling insecure.
Feed them with positive assurance
To deal with insecure women in your life, you need to reassure that you like her, and hence you are with her. Exceptions could be reserved for unjustified assertions though. Be honest and upfront. You need to make sure that your impression about her is absolutely untainted and good. Remind her that she means a lot to you and that you enjoy your relationship with her.
When their dependency on someone gets shaken, they often tend to get insecure. Also, when the seed of insecurity within a woman gets nurtured, her confidence level goes weak. Therefore, the quality of assurance becomes an integral part of her relationship with a person. They would love to hear you say that you are with them, at any cost.
Be realistic in changing the insecure person
You have to understand that an insecure person probably would not change very easily, they take a lot of time. Sometimes, they can also surprise you by becoming very confident by getting out of their insecurity through constant will power and positive attitude. But this will take time and you need to be very realistic while trying to change them completely. It is a matter of persistence and will power in many cases. Offering them counseling can help get a better output as counselors are much more experienced in handling such cases.
If you worry that your relationship is at risk due to insecurity (be it you or your partner), there are certain ways to save your relationship from being gobbled down the throat of the ‘insecurity’ monster. Read on.
Life takes a new turn when you get married. Your happiness no longer depends upon you. The same person who used to have a lot of time for his friends hardly affords to have his/her own space and time. You need validation, attention and get partially dependent upon the other person. Some couples are always in a hunt to trace signs of someone else in their relationship that does not even exist. This applies the same to men and women. You have mixed feeling towards your partner; at times, you feel insecure and even envy him/her. Couples who sort out such issues live a healthy relationship. Follow a few simple tips to ensure this problem doesn’t’ get ugly:
Be your true self again
You need love, acceptance and a feeling of belongingness but this all must not come between you and you happiness. Try to balance things up, a relationship is supposed to make you feel complete not empty or insecure. You are a complete self who does not need someone’s attention or validation. When you are your true self, you live a happy life. You love yourself and that makes you even more valuable. Apart from this, you allow your partner to have his/her own space since you feel secure in your life.
Feel complete even without your partner
You feel insecure when you are not able to find happiness in your own life. You feel dependent and rely upon the other person for almost every little thing. If both partners feel this way, they fight over trivial issues and feel even more insecure with every argument they have. When two individuals start feeling complete, they are able to support their partners and feel secure. You enjoy each moment spent with your partner and your partner brings out the best in you. You feel comfortable even when you are not together.
Get used to your earlier self
No doubt, you must have experienced life alone when you were single. It is just a matter of habit; if you change your habits, you can change your emotional as well as psychological condition too. Learn to depend upon your own self once again. With practice, you learn to be your real self who feels complete. It is a slow and steady process but gives you dynamic results.
Do not seek useless details
You must not give shelter to self-destructive thoughts since they twist your ability to see things in a positive light. Do not try to invent something that does not exist since insecurity can give rise to problems that sometimes take a lifetime to resolve. You know your own worth and this matters the most in a relationship. If you feed negative thoughts to your brain, you would have to deal with the circumstances too.
Communicate with your partner
Every time you feel insecure, share the reason for your insecurity with your partner instead of making assumptions. Have an open conversation with your partner and point out the specific behavior that has lead to the feeling of insecurity.
The need for a breathing space
It is important for both the partners to have their own breathing space since it enables you to grow as an individual. You sure have to spend quality time with your partner but this hardly makes up for your need to be with yourself from time to time. Pursue a hobby or get together with your friends.
There is no such thing as perfect relationships; it is just that you work together to look at the positives aspects of your relationship. There are ups and down but that does not mean you make decisions based on assumptions. Feeling of insecurity can make it difficult to think or act rationally and it makes the feeling of insecurity even worse.
How to deal with your insecurities
While dealing with insecurities of others, you cannot neglect your own. In fact, only when you win over self insecurities, you can successfully deal with that of others. Insecurity comes with lots of evil effects such as feelings of worthlessness, jealousy, depression, sadness and might make you condemn yourself. Therefore, it’s extremely important to deal with it to move on to a happy future.
Stop comparing yourself with others
Immediately discontinue comparing yourself with other people and take the first step towards dealing with insecurities. Remember the fact that every person is different with their own set of strengths and weaknesses. While comparing yourself with someone else for some particular quality or success you may not realize or consider the fact that the particular quality might be their strongest point and your weakest. But that doesn’t make you any less than them. You might have some other quality which they might be lacking. So, do not judge yourself on the basis of any comparison with others. It would only draw your attention to your weak points and lead towards insecurities.
Cease over- thinking and practice being secured
Stop making a huge issue of your flaws or shortcomings. Discontinue focusing solely on your flaws and thinking too much about them. Consider yourself as a normal human being who just like all others, has flaws and imperfections. It is not possible for a person to be perfect in all squares and not have any deficiency. Thinking too much about your flaws and failures or relentlessly trying to be perfect would lead to panic that results in insecurity. Rather, maintain a journal where you mention about your positive points, your strengths and your successes, even if they are minor ones. Take a look at it regularly. This would help you to boost your self confidence and reduce your insecurities. At the same time, practice being secured, even if you don’t feel so from within. Reminding yourself and behaving secured would instill the belief in you that you actually feel secured from inside. Stop thinking about anything that made you feel insecure or inadequate. Reassure yourself of all the good things that you possess.
Develop an attitude of “so what”
Change your attitude from “what if” to “so what”. When you are thinking “what if” you are basically thinking about the worst possibilities and outcomes. In such case you are simply boosting your fears and insecurities. So, change the way you think and develop an attitude of “so what”. Even if negative thoughts and fears come in your mind, ignore them by saying to yourself “so what”. Remind yourself that whatever might happen, whatever might be the outcome of an event, the world will still remain and revolve. This means that nothing can be so bad that you can’t overcome it. You will get another chance in life, for almost anything. So, do not let any fear overbear you. Ignore all fears by your changed attitude.
List your fears, find reason for them and conquer them
Make a list of your fears and insecurities. Try to find out the reasons behind your fears and be honest while doing so. Then find out ways, for each of your fear, to conquer them. Start winning over your fears one by one. To break free of your fears and cross the barrier you must be ready to take a little risk. You will have to come out of your shell and face the issue. Only this can open new doors to new opportunities and success. Even if you do not succeed to cross the barrier in the first go then also you will at least gain an experience and learn more about the issue. You would also know better how to overcome the problem and what you should try next time. You might have to force yourself to get out of your cocoon to face your fear but doing so would finally help you in a positive way.
Set goals for yourself
Having no goal or aim in life often leads to a feeling of insecurity. So, find a direction for your life by setting a goal for yourself. Consider your ambitions, strengths and weaknesses while setting the goal instead of setting it based on others expectations or comparisons made with other more successful people. Take baby steps to achieve your set goal. Do not expect to reach your goal on the first go. Be ready to face hindrances and failures. But don’t let such obstacles in your path disappoint you or make you more insecure. Increase your self-belief, self-esteem and confidence and move towards success with confident steps. Alternatively, you can try to break your goal into smaller ones that finally leads to the ultimate goal but in a step-by-step manner. In this process you would become more confident each time you achieve a smaller goal and would move towards your destination or ultimate goal with more confidence and self-belief.