It is true that there is no medically prescribed way of dealing with death, and that grieving is a personal process, with no time limit or the right or wrong ways. But yes, this is one of the adversities that one of has to deal at some point of life.
Mourning and grieving is a natural reaction when experiencing the loss of someone close. However, grief is experienced in stages, with feelings of denial and anger preceding bargaining and depression. One may deny death to buffer the immediate shock or may get angry blaming others, say the doctor, for not curing the illness that caused death of the loved one. Bargaining would come next, when one may pray to the God to postpone the inevitable. Subtle depression, sadness and grief follow.
Feeling guilty, blaming others, getting angry or shameful, and regretting certain decisions and helplessness are normal while grieving. Sleeplessness may occur. But these can be dealt by speaking of the deceased. Yes, it might be painful, you may be overwhelmed, but this will help you understand the gravity of situation and adjust to the loss.
But one needs to understand that death is a reality which needs to be accepted. Religious affiliations may help to deal with death or coping up. In different religions, including Jewish and Hinduism, people gather for anniversary of death on different days, say 13 days or one month.
When discussing about someone’s death with a child, don’t use terms like ‘illnesses or disease,’ as young kids might associate them with death. Also, don’t tell them that the deceased is in sleep. And understand that it is perfectly okay to say ‘I don’t know,’ when you don’t really have the answer.
Finally, speak to your loved ones. It is true that no one can replace the deceased, but your pain could be reduced and death could be accepted as a fact. Join online groups for grief stricken if you don’t want to feel lonely. Knowing that your loved ones care about you goes a long way in dealing with things. Seek help if you feel that the grief is overpowering you for long.
