Dr Prem Life A Great Life Logo-R

How to deal with a controlling mother

deal with a controlling mother

Mothers, in general, love to control the lives of their children, irrespective of however old they may have become. Even after you are married, they do not let go and try to control your life, jeopardizing your relationship with your spouse and in laws. Here are some helpful tips on how to deal with a controlling mother.

Read your mother’s behavior

If you are grown up enough to take your own decisions, you can begin to analyze your mother’s behavior. Take stock of situations and see how she reacts. If you think she is trying to control things, you can gradually come up with a plan to make sure you do not give in to her demands. At first, since you are so used to her from childhood, you may just oblige her as you used to earlier. However, you need to draw a fine line between advising and controlling. You can take her advice when you want it and not take advice when she gives it. This is where you need to understand your mother’s behavior and not allow her to control your life.

Be firm and assertive

Most of the mothers will brush off your ideas, stating that you don’t know how to handle things. This is just a habit that is hard to die and is very often done thoughtlessly. But you need to be firm and take things in your hand. You can firmly tell your mother that she need not worry; you can handle the situation on your own. Keep your tone soft and assure her that you are capable enough now to live life your way. You may be met with some scorn or criticism for this but you will profit in the long run. Unless you start holding the reins, your controlling mother may never allow you to think on your own. It may be difficult initially, but do not get intimidated by her dominating personality. The more you remain meek, the more your mother will feel like controlling you.

Loosen the apron strings

If you go running to your mother with every small problem, she is bound to turn more and more protective about you, with her sheer motherly instincts. Every time you are in a dilemma and you want to pick up the phone and call your mother; think twice and refrain from doing so. Learn to solve problems on your own and you will be amazed to find out that you are as good as your mother in handling things. As you grow older, you need to loosen the apron strings and get ready for a role reversal. It is time now that you look after her needs and control her instead of the other way round. Mothers need support and affection from their kids all throughout their lives, more so during old age.

Do not stifle your identity

Individuals with controlling mothers fail to realize that they are in fact living in their mother’s shadow. They do not have an identity of their own and are mere puppets, being controlled by their high handed mother. Look out for your mother’s controlling behavior and come out of it, to build your own unique identity. Remember, you are a separate identity and there is no one else like you. This will bring out the best in you and you will succeed much more in your endeavors and be contented too. Some controlling mothers keep harping at the weak points in their kids, giving them an inferiority complex. The person then begins to think that he or she can never take a proper decision in life. Therefore, it becomes extremely essential for you to come out of your mother’s dominating ways and start setting your own goals. Do not stifle your identity for the sake of your controlling mother.

Work with your mother rather than against her

It needs a lot of subtle understanding to work with your controlling mother and yet preserve your individuality. She may be over demanding, but she still requires an assurance that you value her words. You need to balance between pleasing her and doing things your way. You can actually agree to what she suggests and then go about handling things just the way you want. In this way, she will gradually get the message that you no longer require her help for everything in your life. At the same time she will be relieved and proud that you are capable enough of living your life even without her support. She will, as a result, slowly direct her attention towards other activities and let go of controlling you.

Dealing with a controlling mother is a gradual yet essential effort, that requires an assertive and tactful approach.

Recent Articles:

Scroll to Top