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How to deal with backstabbing friends

deal with backstabbing friend

Friends are made to support you when you are in trouble and rejoice with you in your success and happiness. It is when they turn into backstabbers that life becomes hell for you and you are in a fix as to how to deal with them. Backstabbing friends need to be dealt carefully as a great friendship could be at stake here.

Confirm his guilt

When a backstabbing allegation comes up against your friend, you must first check if there is any truth in the allegation. Sometimes, it could be that someone is trying to spoil your friendship and spreading false allegations against your friend. Reacting too soon without proper checking will cost your friendship. Check with other friends if there is any truth behind the stories and if the rumor is actually spread by your friend or others have been involved in twisting facts. Sometimes facts that are told by people get exaggerated in between and cause tension among friends and relatives. Make sure that your friend is really to be blamed before you decide on what action to be taken. Confirming before you confront your friend will also help you gather all the details of the offense so that you can be clear and sharp when you confront him.

Give your friend a chance

All friendships will have ups and downs just like any other relationship. You must understand this and be willing to forgive and forget in some circumstances. This is important if your friend is very important for you and you have remained friends for many years and have been through many ups and downs with a lot of empathy and togetherness. If this is a recent change in behavior or his first offence against you, it is best to give him another chance. Ignore the backstabbing and continue with the friendship if it is a friendship that is worth saving. You need not tell him that you have come to know about his behavior this time. However, you must be watchful as to whether he will repeat the mistake. If he repeats, then you can choose to confront him and give him yet another chance.

Talk to him openly

Talking to your friend openly would sometimes help resolving any misunderstandings between you and him and also about what exactly prompted him to spread such stories. It could be that he was not aware of what is being spread in his name, by others. Good friendships always thrive on good communication. Therefore, if you are in doubt, make sure that you go for a direct approach and sought things out, rather than enquiring with others about whether the allegations are true or false. Talking openly will also strengthen your friendship and if there was any truth in the allegations, you will be able to talk it out and forgive and forget easily. Remember to judge your friend’s mental makeup before talking to him openly, if you are just trying to clear your doubts. Some people might be very sensitive that even if you have not believed what you heard, just by asking him, you will spoil your friendship and create a lot of friction. If your friend is very sensitive, do not make the mistake of asking before you confirm the offense.

Ignore his remarks

After you have found that your friend has indeed been backstabbing and if he continues to do so, in spite of your good behavior and generosity to forgive and forget the episode, you should ignore his remarks and move on with life. Be polite and open towards him so that he can still mend his ways and stay friends if he wants. But, be cautious in your dealings with him and do not make the first move in talking to him. Allow him time to think about his actions and change his behavior. If you hear about any more backstabbing from your friend, ignore it as you have already given him enough chances to change. This means that he either does not value his friendship with you or is a false friend whom you cannot trust.

Reconsider your friendship

Reconsider your friendship with a backstabbing friend. He does not mean good for you and would be quick to spread rumors about you that can be detrimental to your career and relationships. It’s high time you got out of such a friendship as the more close you remain with such a person, the more chances he will have to taint your name and make others believe his false stories. People generally tend to believe what the close friend of a person tells about him. So, stay away from this person and sever all ties with him to protect your personal and professional relations.

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