Anger is one of the major reasons that can lead to untoward friction in marital life. It is much more difficult to handle an angry husband than an angry wife as men seem to go berserk when in extreme rage. If you have a partner with a particularly violent temper, here are some strategies to follow rather than just calling it quits.
Understand the problem
A husband who is constantly hurling abuses at you could be difficult to deal with. In such a circumstance, it is important to understand why he behaves in a certain manner. The best way to understand this is to assess the situation and check if it is your behavior that is causing him to react in a certain way. Men can sometimes find it difficult to communicate their irritation towards their spouses and this would come out as anger when they cannot express their discord. If his anger is directed only at you, you need to check your behavior and make some definite changes to avoid getting him angry. Identifying your weak areas and making an effort to change them could sometimes lead to surprising changes in your spouseâs behavior towards you.
Practice restraint and patience
Many wives make the mistake of shouting back when their husbands are angry. This would only make matters worse and lead to a lot of marital discord. You have to decide whether it is worth fighting or even shouting back. Many a time, it helps to be patient and not react in a jiffy. Anger can never be controlled with anger. When you understand this, half your battle is won. Allow him to bring out all his pent up anger. You can take a deep breath and count till 10 when you have an urge to fight back. Many a time, men understand the gravity of what they have been doing when you are silent and patient without reacting or retorting. You can talk about your feelings to him when he is back to his senses.
Give him space
Quite often, women confront their husbands when they are angry and question them as to what is the reason behind their outburst, when all they need is some space where they can remain quietly and peacefully. Men need their time and space to return to normal when they are disturbed. Confrontations will only lead to further outbursts and make matters worse. It must be something that has happened at work or some tension related to work that is nagging them. Just leave him alone to sort it out and he will come back to you when he has found a solution or need to talk. This is the time when you can gently help him open up and talk to you about what has been troubling him. You will be surprised to find that his anger was in no way related to you.
Set a âcooling off periodâ
If you are sure that his anger is due to an issue out of your house and does not concern you, allow him time to cool off. Do not react to anything that he says. If possible, you can just help him cool off by preparing something that he likes and keeping a pleasant demeanor making him understand that you sympathize with his plight or whatever he is going through. Cooling off period is an important phase where men get time to reason and think about their actions. Once this period is over, they are safe to approach. Based on what your man likes, you may or may not talk about what has gone into their mind to react in such a manner or just leave it instead of bringing up the subject again.
Talk about your feelings
Apart from all the forgiveness and patience that you have extended towards your husband, it is also important to make him understand your feelings as to how he behaves. This will make him realize his faults and change for the better. Communicating to him how difficult it has been for you, and how it has affected you as his wife will help him understand how you have felt. Keeping your feelings inside your mind will only make him think that you can be taken for granted. Let him know that you are available and ready to lend an ear to all his worries and problems. Allow him to understand that you can work together and overcome all the difficulties instead of getting angry and making matters worse.
