Understanding the role of sex therapists in sexless marriage and how you can develop sexual compatibility

Marriage requires a fine balancing act. It is a delicate thread. It doesn’t take a lot to break. But the good news is that you can master the art of taking that thread and sewing it beautifully into the fabric of your life. The question is – what does it take for a marriage to survive? Is love enough? For a marriage to sustain, as much as it is important to have trust, faith, loyalty, and love, it is also important to have the pleasures of sexual life. This does not mean that only one out of the two should be satisfied. Just as how it takes two people to voluntary be in a relationship; similarly, it is important that both partners should be involved in a good sexual life.

Every relationship has a tough phase

issues of couple

Every marriage goes through some kind of problem at one time or another. While some problems can be spoken out easily, there are some, which require professional help or expertise. This is where a sex therapist can be of great help. The concept of sex therapy is not just to improve your sexual life but it is also to find out the problem from the root and resolve it.

Sex therapy is more of a counseling service for your sexual life

Sex-therapist

The misconceptions regarding sex therapy are that people find it strange to talk about their sex life. The reality is that it is no different from any other regular counseling service; that you would go through in case you are in a dilemma. A sex therapist is a person who helps a couple to find out what exactly is going on in the relationship, which is affecting the sex life and leading to a sexless marriage.

Sexy therapy is also a way to help a couple understand the root of the problem and sort it out easily. In this form of counseling, the expert will formulate various kinds of goals after understanding the complete background of the marriage.

You get to understand the psychology behind sex

sexless-marriage

Sometimes the psychological issues surrounding the marriage could be a reason behind a bad sex life. As people, for various reasons, we may not realize what is causing stress in a relationship. Sometimes the help of a professional not only provides a very good Insight about what is going wrong in the relationship, however, the person also shows us the reality of where a relationship really stands.

Your sex therapist is more of a friend than a counselor

sex therapist

Just like how you would talk to your friend to seek out answers about what is hampering your relationship, similarly, the expertise of a sex therapist gives you professional guidance. The only difference here is that the person you are talking to is trained to handle such situations and can provide an unbiased opinion on how things can improve between you and your partner. In order to get the best benefits of your sex therapist, it is important to consider your expert as a friend and not as a professional.

Misunderstanding and conclusion are the biggest problems

sexless-marriage

When there is a problem between a couple, especially regarding their sex life, it is natural to come to conclusions. You may not realize how these problems are affecting your partner, but they remain silent in the corner and do the damage.

We often assume that a person is just not interested and simply wants the marriage to end. The fact is that there could be something else, which is not out in the open. With the help of a sex therapist, you can get to know what exactly is going on in your partner’s mind and save your marriage.

Sex therapy does not mean you are weak

LOVE MAKING COUPLE

Just because you are undergoing a sex therapy or sex counseling service, does not mean that your relationship is weak. The very fact that you are willing to sit down and talk things out to sort out your marriage problems on its own proves the love that you to share. It is also a sign about how a couple is willing to do whatever it takes to save their marriage. This kind of understanding makes the bond stronger between couples.

The emotional and sexual enhancement that you will find after taking the services of a sex therapist, is tremendous. If you religiously follow what you are therapist tells you to do, you will see a positive transformation in your marriage, it might bring the undiscovered happiness in your married life.

Speaking of which…

Sex is an important part of a successful marriage. But it isn’t the only one. Trust, love, and communication – all contribute to the making of a happy, successful and long-lasting marriage. Here are 6 tips to turn your marriage into a happy one – forever.

6 tips for a successful marriage

Soon after the honeymoon phase, couples find themselves caught up with the monotonous daily routine that sometimes creates differences among them. You can’t expect your relationship to remain the same. Many couples change their relationship but only to add more grace and spark to it. What do you do differently? Here are a few simple tips that can make you and your partner true soul mates.

Look at the brighter aspects

romance

Try to look at the positive aspects of your marriage and learn to appreciate the happy moments of everyday life. It does not mean that you close eyes to the problems but when you look at positive outcomes, you strengthen your bond. It helps you develop a positive outlook towards all troubles of married life. You must make your partner feel special and make the best of each moment spent together. Revive the love and romance of those days when you were dating and see your lives changing dramatically.

Make friends with each other

Couple Dining Together

That couples who maintain their friendship even after their marriage are always happy. Don’t use your career and kids as reasons to be busy in your corner of the world. Things never change until you change your behavior towards your partner. Treat them like your best friends who have all the solutions to your problems and who are always there for you. The feeling should be mutual.

Support each other on bigger issues

Take A Smile Concept

You may be poles apart in everyday needs and requirements and that is all right. It is not important that you like the same food or watch the same TV series. You must respect the individual preferences of your partner. Couples must have one opinion when it comes to the bigger issue of their lives. Things, like giving education of their kids and treating each other with respect, must be on top of your preference list. You cannot afford to have a different opinion on such issues.

Recognize that marriage is a bumpy ride

 Sad woman thinking on couch after fight with husband in living room at home

You cannot expect to have fun and laughter all the time when it comes to married life. Like your parents and all other couples in each corner of the world, you have to face difficulties of all kind. Those who are financially sound than you may have different liking and disliking which keeps them poles apart. Those who have a similar taste may have to struggle with something else. You must try to find perfection in not-so-perfect moments of everyday life.

Be patient and learn to forgive

learn to forgive

You are not perfect, neither is your partner. You must learn to forgive your partner for their mistakes. Do not bring up their past especially when you are indulging in an argument, it worsens the trouble. Do not lose your patience or lose your cool when you have visitors. Even when you two are alone, do not take advantage to utter up what comes on your mind. Do not hold a grudge against your partner as marriage is a pure institution that demands you to be transparent.

Constructive communication

spending life together

Make sure you discuss all your fears and anxieties with your partner. Do not hide your true feelings but share them as it brings you even closer. Plan your kids’ future but do not forget to plan your own life together. Do not let your love for your partner take a back seat when you have kids. You can never give a safe and secure future to your kids unless you share a beautiful relationship with your partner.

Do not forget that your partner is not only your better half but also an individual who may have different needs and requirements. Love, respect and adore your partner for being there for you. Life is a joy ride when you have someone to share beautiful memories.

When love and sex lead to misery in marriage

love and sex lead to misery in marriage

Before you fix an appointment with a sex therapist, go for self introspection. Love and sex, both are beautiful emotions felt by everyone at least once in their lives. Both of them are mesmerizing things and everyone desires for them every once in a while. And why shouldn’t they? Everyone deserves it and every other person has their own rights to have sex and be loved. With love and sex, comes the inter relation of marriage. Marriage is solely related to love and sex along with many other things also. But love and sex, both are two essential elements for keeping the marriage from falling apart, for keeping it more romantic, more enduring, and more pleasant and more adventurous.

However, both love and sex can bring misery to the marriage. Sometimes, in some of the marriages there comes a time when both the partners are tired of each other. They don’t feel that spark that they once did. Most of the times, this problem presents itself because of a lack of communication. Or maybe, both the partners have stopped compromising?

You know, before you are actually married, both the partners try very hard and sacrifice a lot for each other in order to see the other one happy and seeing the other’s happiness automatically makes you happy. But as the time passes, some couples stop working on their marriage. They love each other but they are not in love with each other anymore.

Love and sex are two basic elements that can work as a therapy for your marriage or they can destroy your marriage. So if you want to make your marriage work, then start loving him or her more, stop complaining about the dishes. Show him or her that you love them. Surprise them with flowers every now and then. Go out on a dinner and try to sacrifice for each other, try to compromise. Both the partners should learn how to compromise.

Communication is also very important throughout marriage. You need to communicate with your partner and talk about stuff. Try to work things out and try to make the sex more enjoyable. Stop thinking about other things while having sex with your partner, just focus on him or her. Try to live every day as if you people just got married. Every day is a new day so make a new start every day! Woo your significant other all over again, and add flavor to your marriage.

How to get on the same page regarding sex with your partner

Sexual appetites

It is somewhat essential for the couples to have sexual compatibility but a few couples fail to achieve it in their relation, as they feel they are on the same page. It is as if the varying sex needs bring in a kind of conflict between the partners. They literally struggle with the issue of sexual compatibility. Although there is no perfect definition of sexual compatibility but it is a situation in which you share common sexual interests and beliefs with your partner.

Wide assortments of factors influence sexual compatibility between partners. The most prominent factor is the mismatched sex drives, means one partner desires frequent sex while the other wants it after some break. Yet another factor is the type of sexual activity one likes to be engaged in. Sexual appetites tend to vary and it causes conflicts in the lives of couples. Your perception also exerts a great influence on sexual appetite, like why do you indulge in sex, for fun, for a contact, for a release, or to fight loneliness?

All these factors influence sexual compatibility and couples need to maintain certain level of compatibility that is required for a healthy relationship. Otherwise, there have been many cases, wherein couples fell apart due to the sexual incompatibility between them. But there is not to worry much, as you can actually put in efforts and improve your sexual compatibility. You need to analyze the level of your present compatibility and then to think for certain ways to improve it. Following are the points that you must consider while examining your sexual compatibility with your partner:

Consider the extent of differences

better to talk openly with your partner

No two individuals can be same, they cannot have similar habits and behaviors, and sexual appetite is no exception. Having some differences in sexual habits is absolutely fine, the problem only sets in when these differences take a big form. Therefore, it is always better to talk openly with your partner on these issues and keep yourself open to changes, which you should adopt to improve sexual compatibility.

Suppose you love having sex twice a day and you love experimenting with new poses and techniques, whereas your partner has a low sex drive and is satisfied with once a week thing, and has no interest in making a make-out more interesting. In such a situation, the best option is to adopt an acceptable approach; both the partners should try to control their drives and should try their best to match up to their partner’s sexual behavior. Find the middle ground, a solution best suited to the interests of both parties.

How flexible are you willing to be

sexual compatibility

It is of paramount importance for both the partners to have a flexible attitude towards each other’s sexual behavior. If you are not willing to accept your partner’s pattern of sexual drives and behavior then you can never improve the sexual compatibility. You must learn to accommodate their demands and desires and similarly they should do the same for you as well. Like to make out even when you are tired just to make your partner happy, but all this you must do happily and not as an obligation or pressure.

To accept incompatibility is a part of compatibility

accept incompatibility is a part of compatibility

Even if your sex drives mismatches those of your partner’s, you are supposed to take it in a healthy way and should try to accept incompatibility without any conflict. Talk about it and express your desires in a way that your partner instead of getting angry tries to understand your situation. Acceptance approach will give you a power to deal with the incompatibility in calm and a better way.

Dr Prem Jagyasi and Team (c)

Dr Prem is an award winning strategic leader, renowned author, publisher and highly acclaimed global speaker. Aside from publishing a bevy of life improvement guides, Dr Prem runs a network of 50 niche websites that attracts millions of readers across the globe. Thus far, Dr Prem has traveled to more than 40 countries, addressed numerous international conferences and offered his expert training and consultancy services to more than 150 international organizations. He also owns and leads a web services and technology business, supervised and managed by his eminent team. Dr Prem further takes great delight in travel photography.

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