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How to deal with perfectionism

In the quest to be perfect often people suffer from pessimism, depression, lack of self esteem, lack of motivation, lack of confidence and so on. Yes, there are many evils of perfectionism. Therefore, dealing with it is utterly essential to control it and make your life smooth and happy.

Set reasonable standards and enjoy the journey to achievement

Set high standards for yourself. But do not set an unachievable target. If you set too high standards for yourself then you would be highly disappointed on not being able to achieve that and it would lead to negativity, pessimism and self criticism. So, always consider wisely if the target you are setting for yourself is reasonable or not. Do not focus on the result too much. Try to enjoy the process or journey that leads to the result. Thinking about the result only would make you paranoid and may even disable you to perform your best. You may suffer from anxiety and fear of the outcome and that might finally lead to utter disappointment in you. Remember that there is nothing called “perfect” in this world. Instead aim for excellence and set that as your highest standard.

Accept that you are a normal human being

Stop considering yourself as a superhero who can reach unachievable heights of perfection. Accept that you are a normal human being with a limited capacity. Allow yourself to make mistakes and instead of taking yourself as a failure take this as a learning experience. Take your mistake and failure as an opportunity to learn, improve and grow. Do not be disabled by your mistakes and failures or the fear to fail or commit a mistake. Accept your mistakes graciously and forgive yourself for committing them. Let your failure not disappoint you so much that you are paralyzed to move forward. Be back on your track immediately after you feel disappointed. Do not be too harsh on yourself. Have patience and go easy on yourself. Accept the fact that every person has weaknesses, failures and imperfections and so do you. So, learn to accept yourself as you are instead of being too self critical.

Write down about your behavioral trends and make a cost benefit analysis

Write down about your behavioral trends, your irrational attitude towards self and others, the affect of your perfectionism (both good and bad), etc. Make a comparative study of the benefits that your perfectionism provides you with the flaws or troubles that it brings you. Be honest and rational while drawing this chart and writing your tendencies. You will find that the cost you are paying for your perfectionism outweighs the benefits that you get because of it. Then notice the trends and tendencies where you tend to become perfectionist. Becoming aware of your perfectionism tendencies is the first step to dealing with the issue.

Practice “Thought Stopping” technique

Perfectionism starts from the mind and the most severe affect of it too occurs on the mind and psychology of a perfectionist. A person starts believing that he can not do anything less than perfect and on not being able to achieve that standard becomes victim of depression, pessimism, negative thinking, etc. Therefore, it is important to stop the mind from thinking that way. It is important to tame the mind. Your mind will have a tendency to make a big issue of any petty matter or a simple mistake. It would try to make you think that you are a failure and would start scolding you or make you feel guilty, depressed, etc. You need to stop your mind from doing that. Whenever, this situation arises just ask your mind to stop thinking completely. A good way to do so is to speak to yourself and utter the word “stop”, whether in your mind or aloud, and carry on with the work or thought you were busy with prior to the appearance of these thoughts in your mind. This practice helps a lot to control your thoughts and reduces the problems that a perfectionist faces in his life.

Take small steps towards change

Do not burden yourself to change your tendencies and thinking immediately. Give time to yourself while you take small steps towards changing yourself. Start taking constructive criticism positively and improve yourself. Ignore any other type of criticism completely. Try to find out the good in everything instead of concentrating on finding flaws. Change the way you look at yourself, others and life as a whole. Stop expecting yourself, your friends and family, your surrounding, your performance, etc to be perfect. Change self-talk and stop being overtly critical of yourself. Refrain from passing too harsh judgments about yourself and your capabilities. Stop the practice of repeatedly checking, continuously making corrections, etc in order to make anything perfect.

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