Controlling people are difficult to live with. The need for controlling others stem from a lack of self esteem which they try to impose on some others who are powerless and subdued. If you are trapped in such a situation, do not make the mistake of reacting, but deal with it with some finesse.
Find the cause of the problem
Most controlling people are very insecure about their abilities and do not have the power to react or talk against people who occupy higher positions or people whom they work with. This would lead to pent up emotions and thus the need to find an outlet for these emotions and insecurities. So, when they find someone who they feel can be under their control, they make the maximum of the situation and go berserk trying to make their life hell. Remember that this could be a subconscious doing and the controlling person may not be aware that he/she is being such a menace. Therefore, finding out what the exact reason behind such a behavior is, is very important. A controlling person could have had a parent who was controlling and this could have affected him/her psychologically. Talk to the person or inquire discreetly about his family or among his friends to understand the person better and offer him/her help.
Work on the personâs insecurities
Everyone is insecure about something and this is very normal. It is when the insecurity becomes very severe that it can lead to a controlling attitude among some. Find out what a person is insecure about and try your best to instill confidence and positive feelings in that person so that he/she does not feel the need to take out his/her frustration on others. A lot of patience is needed to bring a person out of his/her insecurity and in many cases, counselling too is required so that the exact problem can be identified and the right approach charted out with the help of a counselor. Many a time, it is difficult to help a controlling person to come out of his behavior as they will resist any attempt to become even with you. They will feel threatened that you will dominate them in the process and they will lose their upper hand. Seek help from friends and relatives to identify their insecurities and help them recover.
Be calm
Controlling people can become violent and more difficult to deal with when they are faced with opposition and resistance. Therefore, avoid any attempt to resist or oppose what he/she says or asks you to do. Be calm and cool and if it is something that you can do, just go ahead and do it, instead of creating a big scene. However, do not put yourself in the shoes of a victim so that the attempts to control you will continue and you cannot find an escape route or relax in his/her company. Remain calm when the person tries to control you. Try to make the person see as to what he is doing, in a gentle and calm manner. If all your attempts have failed, do not be frustrated or try to vent out your anger at the person. Remember that he/she is mentally deficient and need assistance and patience to get over the problem. Your being understanding will help in speeding up the healing process.
Avoid reacting
All kinds of extreme reactions must be curtailed when you are with a controlling person. He/she could be in an ecstatic world when he/she gets a chance to control. When the person feels threatened and feel that they no longer possess the right to control, they might react in an extreme manner. Make sure that you do not react at that time.
Seek therapy or walk out
Counselling is an essential part in the treatment process. Get help from friends and relatives in talking to the controlling person and making him understand the need for counselling and therapy to save him from further trouble. Counselling sessions would require you to accompany the controlling person. The counselor will help him understand the problem and give him guidance, and if needed medical intervention too will be meted out. If the controlling person is difficult to convince and refuses to seek therapy, it is time for you to think about whether you want to take your relationship forward or not. There is no need to waste your time trying to work on a relationship that will only lead you to a lot of heartache and victimization.
